


what i left behind

by InLust



Category: Saving Hope
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Divergence, F/F, Longing and pining, Short Story, Slow Burn, breadcrumbs, long distance, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:18:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 45,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11824731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InLust/pseuds/InLust
Summary: AU. Post S3, when Sydney leaves, she leaves for good. Without realizing it, Maggie feels like something is missing in her life.The story where Sydney leaves breadcrumbs for Maggie to follow but Maggie doesn’t realize it





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me about this ship, it’s my first time writing for it and i wanted to do something different for it because 1) i didnt want maggie to start over moving to london, 2) i wanted to highlight more of sydney’s ambition/accolades, and 3) distance alone was more than enough. besides, who doesn’t love a good slow burn?
> 
> also i'm going to be releasing this in chunks if i can it's definitely going to be completed

Maggie Lin was now **Dr.** Maggie Lin. For real. 

And it felt like she was on top of the world. 

Then she wasn’t.

Things changed suddenly and quickly. Joel is dead. Alex is on maternity leave. Rian is gone. Zach is so different she doesn’t know who he is anymore.

More importantly, she didn’t know who she was anymore. She thought things would change after she became a doctor. That opportunities would open up for her. She was a goddamn doctor, so why does it feel like something’s missing?

And she can’t seem to forget Sydney.

Not long after Alex goes on maternity leave, Sydney is suddenly packing her bags too. 

“I’m leaving for a study in Cleveland for a couple of months,” Sydney cuts to the chase. Maggie doesn’t get to ask when Sydney goes through a few patients that she wants Maggie to look after while she’s gone. 

She doesn’t even get to say goodbye. It doesn’t seem like Sydney really wanted her to either because the next day she’s gone without another word. 

Maggie tries not to think about Sydney like she’s the reason she feels off balance and empty. She just feels like there could be more that she could be doing that wasn’t at Hope Zion. Maybe. 

_ “Dr. Katz highly recommended you.” _

Maggie fights the urge to smile too much because after about 6 months of radio silence with the exception of referrals of Sydney’s patients to her via Dawn, something about Sydney thinking of her just warms her heart. It makes her feel like she could do anything. 

She asks for the day to think about it. There’s a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that Hope Zion is her home though and Cleveland, as well as, hundreds of other opportunities would always be there. 

“Flowers? Don’t _you_ usually receive them?” Alex asks as she sits across from Maggie.

Maggie sits up in her seat and closes her laptop. She bites her lip as she drums her fingers contemplatively on the cover. “Just wondering if I should get them as a thank you,” she vaguely responds. 

“Thank you for?” 

Maggie shrugs, trying not to make it a thing. “Just a recommendation that’s all.” 

“The out of town position you were mentioning?” Alex connects the dots. 

Luckily, Maggie doesn’t have to answer when her pager goes off. “I think it was just a random thing, it’s nothing,” she says as she reads her pager. “I’ll talk to you later.” She leaves the room quickly, grabbing her lab coat on the way out. 

In the end, she doesn’t send Sydney the flowers to thank her. Sydney didn’t even let Maggie know the job offer was coming her way. Nor does she let her know when she’s coming back. Because she doesn’t and Maggie finds out from the staff OB who keeps throwing cases at her like it was her job to take care of them. 

Maggie takes them in stride. She’ll get her moment at Hope Zion soon. She’s sure of it. 


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those of you who don't know ACOG is the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, apparently it's a really big thing here in the states i know canada has one too but i thought it'd be nice for maggie to stretch her legs with some traveling

Maggie is taking a nap in the on call room when she hears the door open. She doesn’t move because if someone needed her she’d get a page. She’s been at the hospital for almost 2 days now because the ER has been giving her some opportunities to scrub in. 

There’s a light shuffle towards her and it falls quiet. 

If there’s one thing Maggie _hates_ is being drawn from her nap for no reason. She opens her eyes slowly and sits up. “What?” she croaks out as she rubs her eyes. 

Alex stops at the little light near the desk like a deer in headlights. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” she says softly. 

“It’s fine,” Maggie says because it’s Alex. She loves Alex. She crosses her legs on the bed and rolls her neck. “Did you need something?” 

Alex purses her lips before holding out an envelope to Maggie. “This came in the mail for you,” she says. 

“Sorry,” Maggie immediately says as she takes the envelope. “I forwarded all the mail to my new address months ago.” 

Alex shrugs. “It’s okay. I feel like we haven’t seen each other in so long.” 

Maggie smiles in agreement. “I know right? It’s just been busy.” She glances down at the envelope in her hand in confusion. **ACOG**? She opens it up as she continues speaking to Alex. “We haven’t been able to get a drink and we are definitely due for one.” 

“Or twenty,” Alex jokes, curiously glancing at the letter. “So…. _ACOG_?” 

“Yeah, I’m confused too?” Maggie pulls out the contents to read. “It’s an information packet to the annual conference in San Diego.” 

“I hear it’s rainy this time of year,” Alex casually says. 

Maggie shakes her head, trying to recall if she’d ever sign up for information. “I don’t remember signing up to go actually. I’ve been so busy.” 

Alex shrugs. “Maybe it’s a sign. You did specialize in OB.” 

Maggie pushes the contents back in the envelope. “I did but it’s not like many cases have been coming my way. I feel more like Zach right now than anything else.” 

“The conference might be good for you to make connections,” Alex suggests. 

Maggie is about to respond when her pager goes off. So much for a long nap. “Yeah, _maybe_ ,” she offhandedly says as she shoves her feet into her shoes and throws the letter haphazardly into her locker before grabbing her white coat. “I’ll think about it.” 

She ends up thinking about it. ACOG would be a great opportunity for her to make connections and learn new things. She feels a bit out of touch with her specialty and she knows she shouldn’t feel that way. But it just doesn’t seem like enough. 

Nothing ever seems like _enough_. 

Maggie ends up working her ass off to make some extra money. A weekend in San Diego doesn’t sound so bad when all she has is work. At least she can get some con ed credits for going.


	3. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> almost a year later and there's another reminder of Sydney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys before watching saving hope i was obsessed with grey's anatomy hahahaha and i loved addison montegomery, it was hard not to add her somehow esp bc she's on that side of the country! hope you enjoy the special appearance

When she gets to the convention center, she sees lanyards on lanyards along with white coats everywhere. It feels like a hospital but at the same time, she’s never felt more at ease being somewhere. Maggie feels her heart swell being in a place where there were people like her. 

“Hi, Maggie Lin,” she states. 

The girl at the registration desk looks young. There’s still a bright shine to her eyes as she looks up at Maggie. “Dr. Lin, nice to meet you!” she says as she taps at her computer, assumingly looking for her name. 

Maggie feels her heart swell. It never gets old being called doctor. 

Another woman comes by with a clipboard, fiery red hair standing tall and elegant. Maggie stops staring at the young girl gathering her conference material to stare at the woman. She unconsciously bites her lip because there’s regality to the way she strides towards them. 

“Everything okay here?” she asks, her lanyard falling forward. Dr. Addison Montgomery. It’s _**the** _ Dr. Addison Montgomery. 

“Yep,” Maggie dumbly answers even though the question is directed at the young girl behind the registration table. 

“Yep! Just giving Dr. Lin her conference material,” the girl answers politely. “Enjoy the conference.” 

Dr. Montgomery turns to Maggie. And Maggie swears she’s never met the woman before but the redhead stares at her as she slips the lanyard over her head. “You’re Dr. Maggie Lin.” 

Maggie stares in confusion because she knows only one other redhead and that’s Sydney. This is _far_ from Sydney. And by far, she means _tall_ and **famous**. “I am she,” she responds. “I’m sorry, have we met?” 

Addison laughs as she takes a step aside and Maggie follows, trying to keep the line going. “Canadian doctor from Hope Zion right?” 

“Yes?” Maggie starts. “I’m sorry, we haven’t met have we?” She feels like such a broken record before one of the most famous neonatal surgeons in America. 

“I’m Addison, I work in a private practice,” she answers holding out her hand for Maggie to shake. “I know your mentor.” 

Maggie is half tempted to ask if it’s Jason Kalfas but she’s sure she’s not being asked about him. “Syd?” she unconsciously clarifies.

“Yes, Dr. Sydney Katz,” Addison reaffirms. “She was just here not too long ago.” Maggie feels her heart skip a beat at the mention of Sydney. 

“Here as in…” 

“She was in the area doing research at UCSD and I needed a consult.”

“Oh,” Maggie tries not to sound disappointed. “How is she?” 

Addison gives Maggie a confused look. “She’s great. I mean she’s a very...professional.” Maggie smiles fondly at this. 

“That she is.” 

“But she was really helpful, brilliant doctor at her age. She mentioned you a couple of times.” 

Maggie tilts her head, remembering that this isn’t the first time Sydney’s done that. Except that time, it was to her fiancee at the time, which was extremely awkward.

“All good things,” Addison adds quickly. “She says you’re a very talented doctor.” 

Maggie laughs to herself. “I’m sure she’s just being nice. The OB front at Hope Zion hasn’t been very fortuitous recently.” 

Addison pats Maggie on the shoulder with familiarity. “Well, I’m sure that’ll change after the conference. If you ever want to stop by my practice this weekend, let me know. I’ll be happy to have you.”

“Wow, thank you,” Maggie says quickly. “I really appreciate that, I’d love the opportunity to see how a private practice runs.” 

Addison smiles brightly like she knows something. “Dr. Katz mentioned you were enthusiastic about learning new things.” Maggie blushes. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a card. “Here’s my card, just give me a call whenever you’re free.” She glances at her watch. “Sorry, I have to help the keynote set up. I’ll see you around.” 

Maggie looks at the card in her hand. Dr. Addison Montgomery. Then it occurs to her. “Addison?” 

Addison turns around. 

“Is Syd-- _Dr. Katz_ here?” Maggie asks quickly. 

Addison shakes her head. “She said she had another opportunity on the East Coast. Boston, I think.”

“Oh,” Maggie feels her heart drop. Sydney would be in Boston, probably Mass General or something highly ranked. _It’s so her._ “Thank you. I will see you around.” She waves the card. At least there’s something good that came out of the conference and it hasn’t even started yet. She didn’t come to the conference because of Sydney. But it felt like _something_ to know Sydney still talks about her. 


	4. iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a quick interlude when maggie gets back from ACOG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys so i put this fic as unrated because when i first wrote it it was like T which was solid but uhhhh there may be an explicit scene down the road -- i dont HAVE to add it in, i can kind of edit it so that it can be it's own chapter for those who want to read it or not but otherwise i can just take it out 
> 
> i just notice that theres not usually alot of explicit stories in this particular ship so i dont want to be THAT author thats gonna do it if it makes people feel uncomfortable - i literally have no problem writing it though so its not a big deal for me as part of the natural progression of their eventual relationship i just wanted to put it out there let me know what you think!

Maggie feels **alive** , like she’s high as a kite, as she steps back into Hope Zion. A weekend away at a conference felt like everything she could’ve asked for. She learned so much in such a short time with some pretty great people. Even being able to set aside time to meet up with Dr. Montgomery felt life changing. 

She’s done surgery before but on the off chance during her tour of Addison’s private practice, Addison was pulled into an emergency surgery. Without even thinking about it, Maggie offered her hands to help and Addison just smiled at her and brought her along. Being in the OR with the neonatal surgeon of America felt like a dream come true. It was like watching a goddess at work. 

“Dr. Katz was right,” Addison says as they exit the OR, “you’re a very talented doctor. Stay sharp, Dr. Lin, we could always use more doctors like you.” 

It was awe-inspiring to feel all of her work amount to this. It’s what makes Maggie move her feet towards Dr. Bell’s office. 

“Dr. Bell,” Maggie says as she steps into the doorway. She’s been ballsy before plenty of times but this is different. She wants more and someone has to know in this damn hospital that she can do more. 

Dawn looks up at Maggie with an eyebrow raised. “Dr. Lin.” 

“I’d like more cases in OB. I know right now Dr. Carter is doing his best, but if he needs extra hands I’m your girl.” 

Dawn casually closes the file she just signed and sets it aside. “There are no staff openings in obstetrics right now if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Maggie shakes her head. “I’m not _asking_ ,” she corrects and Dawn raises her eyebrows. “I’m just letting you know. I’m a talented OB and I have skills you can utilize. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help.”

Dawn sits back in her chair, looking impressed, which surprises Maggie. “Okay, Dr. Lin. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Maggie nods. “Thank you.” She walks right out of Dr. Bell’s office, head held high with determination. 

She spends months using the inspiration from the ACOG conference studying and researching. She wants something challenging and starts studying until she finds a topic that she can pour her time into. While her ER hours wane, Maggie finds herself tirelessly setting up a cancer study with pregnant women. 


	5. v

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real canon divergence happening because someone coughmecough is a bit behind on s4 i should really sleep tbh i dont know why im still awake

After months of finally getting her study off the ground, Maggie receives a letter. 

“Alex, Alex, _Alex_ ,” Maggie chases Alex down the halls with excitement as she waves the letter. 

“What, what, what?” Alex returns with a fond smile on her face. She places her chart on the counter and opens it up when Maggie slaps the letter in front of her. 

“ _Brigham and Women’s Hospital_ wants us to present our research to some medical students in a series that they’re doing!” Maggie announces loudly because she can’t contain her excitement. 

“In Boston?” Alex asks in shock. “That’s amazing!” She throws her arms around Maggie and Maggie hugs her back tightly. 

“This is so exciting,” Maggie practically hops in place as she holds onto Alex’s arms. “You’re coming with me right? I can’t do this without you.” 

“Uh, of course, I am!” Alex says. 

Maggie and Alex are a powerhouse at the presentation. Part of them feels like they were able to teach their peers while the other part feels like they were able to learn something as well. They finish the presentation with overwhelming support and a few questions to help refine their studies as they move past the first stages. 

Alex is packing up their bags while Maggie is swarmed with med students and residents. She looks at Maggie and remembers all the times they’ve had at Hope Zion. She feels a little guilty for not being as available to Maggie since the baby but she’s proud of her friend for making strides in her career. Alex has always known Maggie’s zeal for her work and it was great to see her so in her element even as their paths diverged.

Then she hears it, “Wait, Dr. Katz trained you? _How_ did you survive?” 

Alex looks up to see Maggie stare at one of the residents with a slight blush. 

“I’m sorry, you know Dr. Katz?” Maggie asks in confusion. 

“Yes, she was terrifying. She reamed one of the residents for making a joke during a practice question,” the resident goes on. “Just a _question_ , not even a mock exam.” 

Maggie laughs at this and Alex can tell it’s a good memory, but boy does she remember that day. Maggie was so pissed. “Syd’s a very serious woman, but she does great work.”

Alex notices the way Maggie bites her lip after she says Sydney’s name. **Syd** _. Oh, Maggie._

“Dr. Katz was a great addition to our team,” someone suddenly says. It looks like the seas have parted for this person and Alex recognizes the Head of OBGYN at Brigham and Woman’s easily. “Alright kids, time for the adults to talk now.” 

Maggie’s eyes widen as she tries to keep her cool. “Hi, Dr. Shepard, I’m M--,” she quickly shoots her hand out for the doctor to shake. 

“You are Dr. Maggie Lin,” she interrupts  with a laugh that has Maggie blushing. “You can call me Nancy. We’re all doctors here.” 

“Nice to meet you, Nancy,” Maggie says quickly. “I didn’t know you’d be here at our presentation today.” She shoots a look at Alex. 

Alex knows the sign and sidles up to Maggie’s side with ease to introduce herself. 

“You both have done a great deal of work,” Nancy goes on. “Dr. Katz told us about your work and needless to say, we are not disappointed.”

“Dr. Katz?” Maggie asks with curiosity. Alex can feel Maggie slightly lean forward with interest as if saying Sydney’s name alone draws her forward. 

Nancy nods almost proudly. “Dr. Katz was our best staff OB, despite what the residents say.”

“She can be very passionate,” Maggie defends. 

Nancy smiles in agreement. “That she is. Nevertheless, it was sad to see her go.” 

“She’s no longer a staff member here?”

“She got a job offer at Torbin General recently,” Nancy informs as if Maggie should know this already.

“Torbin General...in London?”

“Yes, the opportunity came very suddenly for her. She mentioned doing some work there a year ago and they finally processed her application,” Nancy goes on. Alex can tell she’s a bit surprised but she’s unsure why as she sticks to Maggie’s side.

“I bet Dr. Katz is doing amazing work there,” Alex interjects when she realizes Maggie is still processing the news.

“I’m sure she is,” Maggie says without thinking. Nancy looks at Maggie with a knowing smile on her face and Maggie blushes. “She’s a great doctor.” 

Nancy nods in agreement. “As are you Dr. Lin. The reason I’m here is because you came _highly_ recommended by Dr. Katz.” 

Both Maggie and Alex stare at Nancy with curiosity. 

“Because Dr. Katz leaving the team, we actually have a staff position open and if you’re interested, we’d love for you to apply.” 

Maggie stands there with wide eyes at the news. “Oh my god, _wow_ , I was not expecting this,” she breathes out in shock. 

Nancy laughs. “I understand it’s very sudden, but I’ve taken a look at the work you do and I’m very impressed. I’d love to see your name in the ring.” 

Alex nudges Maggie, who jerks out of her awestruck world. 

“Of course, Dr. Shepard! I’ll definitely think about it,” Maggie says, trying to sound confident. But Alex can tell by the way Maggie looks is that something is missing. “Thank you _so much_ for letting me know.” 

Nancy nods. “It was very nice to meet you, Maggie.” She turns to leave when Maggie stops her. 

“Dr. Shepard,” Maggie steps forward after her and Alex stares in confusion. “Did Sydney-- _Dr. Katz_ leave her contact info with you?” 

“Yes, she did.” Nancy pulls a card out of her coat and a pen to write on the back of it. She hands it to Maggie. “She said she’d be most available by email while she gets settled in London.” 

Maggie takes the card thankfully and smiles at Sydney’s contact. “Thank you again.” 

“That is also my card,” Nancy notes. “If you have any questions about the position, please feel free to contact me as well.”

Maggie nods diligently.

Alex realizes then that Maggie is far from interested in the opportunity as she stares longingly at Sydney’s email address on the back of the card.  


	6. vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie starts to unpack from boston

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so tbh i wrote this without watching past s4e1 and now im finally getting around to watching it like...damn its okay i made an interesting choice in canon divergence - also this is turning out to be a bit longer than i intended

Maggie is reeling from the few days in Boston. Between the presentation and meeting with a few department heads between her and Alex, Maggie barely had time to catch her breath. What made it more difficult was that everywhere she went felt like a constant reminder of Sydney.

It was frustrating to keep hearing, “ _You’re Dr. Maggie Lin. Dr. Katz has said great things about you_ ,” without actually _seeing_ Sydney. Maggie tries to wrap her head around how Sydney can even talk about her to people when she doesn’t even have the decency to contact _her_ **directly**. Sydney has Maggie’s number, she knows Maggie’s email, _hell_ she knows Maggie is still at Hope Zion...or at least she hopes. 

Sydney _and apparently everyone else_ in the OBGYN community seems to know Maggie, but Maggie doesn’t even know where the hell Sydney is. 

At least _now_ she finally knows. Sydney is in London. _Torbin General._ It’s so fitting for her to work at one of the best hospitals in London. 

When she and Alex get back to Toronto, they jump right back into it. No rest for the weary between Maggie’s growing list of surgeries and the first phase of their study.

Maggie hasn’t been home in a few days again. 

Zach makes a joke how her bed is never warm and Alex dotes on her with worry. 

The truth was going home kind of sucked. Her bed was never warm and it hadn’t been a problem before, but after a long day of work, it wouldn’t hurt. The only thing is that she wishes she could feel a little more guilty because her career path is moving forward. She is doing the work that she wants. 

And there have been rumors that Dr. Carter is leaving.

“Did you ever finish that application to Brigham and Women’s?” Alex asks as she sits on the couch next to Maggie. 

Maggie quickly slips the card with Sydney’s email on the back into her scrubs and straightens herself to make room for Alex. “Yes, I finished that last night.” 

“I was worried you were stuck,” Alex says as she glances at the computer screen. “You’ve been staring at your computer intently for days.” 

Maggie shrugs. “I was just thinking about this opportunity and got a little curious about other ones.”

Alex hums as she tilts her head towards the screen. “Like _Torbin General_?” 

Maggie tries to shut her laptop subtly. She could finalize her application and send it later. After all, it’s not like Torbin General was going anywhere. “It’s just a thought,” she brushes off. “I don’t know if I’ll get the position at BWH anyway. It’s highly competitive and OBGYN positions don’t just open up.” 

“But you were _highly_ recommended by _Dr. Katz_ ,” Alex teases with a gentle nudge. 

Maggie takes a breath at the reminder. “Of course,” she lets out with a little more bite than she intends to. 

Alex picks up on this and musters the courage to say something. “What’s wrong? Why don’t you sound confident? You’re a great doctor, Maggie. You’ve been doing amazing work since you passed your boards.” 

Maggie wrings her fingers, feeling the frustration writhe and coil within her. It’s been like that for days and she can’t control how she feels anymore. She has to talk about it. “I know, well I keep hearing that from everyone that I’m such a great doctor and that I’m doing great work. But I just feel like it’s because of Sydney.” 

Alex looks at her curiously. “She was your mentor.” 

“No, it’s not that. It just feels like Sydney’s the problem.” 

“Why is Sydney the _problem_?” 

Maggie throws her head back in frustration. She lets out a groan. “I’m not explaining myself clearly.” She lets out a huge sigh as she pushes the laptop onto the coffee table before turning to Alex. She takes a breath before she starts. “I feel like Sydney has been leaving me these breadcrumbs since she left.”

“Okay, now you really have to explain,” Alex says incredulously as she turns to face Maggie. She leans against the couch as she listens intently. 

“Last year, she was in Cleveland doing a study and I got a recommendation to be their staff OB.”

Alex’s eyes widen. “Wait, you were offered a staff OB position? That was six months after you passed the boards! Why didn’t you take it?” 

Maggie frowns. “I don’t know! I just couldn’t this place is my home. It’s where I became a doctor. You were on leave with Luke. Half of our friends were gone and Zach was going off the rails. I just couldn’t leave. You guys are my family.” 

“Maggie…” Alex looks guilty. 

Maggie shakes her head. “No, that’s not what this is about. I chose to stay, I wanted to be here.”

Alex looks skeptical but nods anyway. “So Sydney?” 

“Sydney recommended me for the position. I hadn’t even applied but because of what she said about me, they sought me out.” Alex raises her eyebrows. “I _know_ ,” Maggie agrees. “I thought it was crazy because she didn’t even tell me that she wasn’t coming back after Cleveland. And when I got that package about the ACOG conference and went, I met Dr. Addison Montgomery.” 

“No way, you didn’t mention that,” Alex interjects in shock. “You met the foremost neonatal surgeon in America.”

“I know, it was so _surreal_!” Maggie relays with excitement. “She knew who _I was_! She looked at me and said, ‘You’re Dr. Maggie Lin.’ I swear I almost fainted.” 

“How did she-- _Sydney_?” 

Maggie nods. “Sydney was a consult at her private practice. She told Dr. Montgomery about me! And Addison was so great because she let me scrub in on a surgery with her and I was so floored by her performance.”

“You were working with a goddess,” Alex breathes out in shock. 

“I didn’t think too much about it but with now this staff position at BWH, it all keeps leading back to Sydney.”

“Have you contacted Sydney about it?” 

Maggie shakes her head. She pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration. “I just don’t know what to say to her. I _feel_ like I don’t _know_ what to say.”

“I’m sure 'thank you' is a good start,” Alex suggests as she rubs Maggie’s upper arm comfortingly. 

“But I just feel so frustrated,” Maggie admits. “She left without saying goodbye and at first it didn’t bother me because I never thought I’d see her again. She’s never contacted me once and now with almost everything I do, I keep having to hear about how she’s doing second handed.”

Alex looks at Maggie thoughtfully. “Maggie, you really miss her, don’t you?”

Maggie pauses as she stares at Alex. She can feel her insides twist and coil even more tightly inside of her. “Yes,” she whispers softly. “I do. I wish I knew why everytime I think of her all of my work just never feels like it’s enough.” 

Alex frowns sympathetically as she reaches for Maggie’s hands. “Maggie, your work says everything about what a great doctor you are. You are _more_ than enough. You probably feel that way when you think of Sydney because Sydney’s always been the type of person to keep striving for something better. It isn't bad to feel like you want more, everyone who is a doctor feels that way.”

Maggie takes in Alex’s words. 

What Alex doesn't have the heart to say yet is, _Maybe you feel this way because Sydney’s the one thing you want that you haven’t gotten._


	7. vii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie catches sydney briefly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after how many thousand words OUR SHIP HAS FINALLY COME?? ...when i said it was a slow burn i wasn't joking you might actually all want to kill me to be honest but trust me theyll come together soon enough

Maggie thinks about Alex’s words for days. She thinks about Sydney a lot more too. After setting up her interview with BHW, she wishes she could just contact Sydney and ask her for help. Her pride stops her because she feels like talking to Sydney before such a huge interview will only distract her. She spends hours asking for Dawn and Alex to help prep her. 

When it’s all done and settled, Maggie finds her mind clear. 

_Except_ she still hasn’t contacted Sydney.

Maggie comes out of the shower just after midnight, finally making it home after her ER shift. She opens her computer and sees the blank email draft with Sydney’s email already in the field. 

She takes a breath. 

_ Hey Sydney,  _

_ It’s Maggie. We haven’t spoken in awhile. How are you doing? _

Maggie doesn’t think twice before sending off the email. Maybe she’ll respond or maybe she won’t. The ball is in Sydney’s court now. Maggie _tried_.

She goes to her kitchen to grab a snack and read yesterday’s headline before going back to her room with a glass of water. 

Maggie sees an email in her inbox. **From Sydney.** She nearly breaks her mouse clicking on it. 

_ Shalom Maggie, _

_ Do you still have the same number? I have a few minutes to talk if you’d like. _

Maggie’s eyes widen. **This is it.** It’s only been a few minutes but Sydney is there. 

_Yes, it’s the same._ She types out quickly before sending it. 

After a few minutes, Maggie is about to give up hope and fall asleep because she’s exhausted but then she feels her phone vibrate. She looks at it quickly and swipes the green button. Except, it’s not just a phone call from Sydney it’s a video call. 

“Oh my god!” Maggie curses herself as she looks in the mirror. She runs her hand through her hair to at least make it less messy as the video connects. 

“ _Maggie_?” Sydney’s voice comes in loud and clear. 

Maggie feels her heart swell at Sydney’s dulcet tone. There’s no picture yet, but there’s movement. After a few seconds the screen lights up and Sydney appears on the screen. 

There’s a small smile on her face as she stares at Maggie. Sydney looks completely different. No glasses, no dowdy dress, and no long hair. She looks great. Maggie can finally see her light brown eyes, her short waves frame her face perfectly, and she loves how the button up reveals more of Sydney’s collarbones and cleavage. 

Maggie refocuses herself. “Dr. Katz,” she can’t help but smile brightly. 

Sydney smiles back. “ _Dr. Lin_ ,” she jokes, warming Maggie’s heart. Even her personality has changed. 

“How are you doing? How’s London?” Maggie asks quickly, feeling the nerves finally getting to her as she takes in Sydney for the first time in over a year. 

“It’s different,” Sydney says as she looks like she’s a bit distracted. “A lot of rain and fog.” 

Maggie nods. “And Torbin General?” she feels like she had so many other questions but none of them are coming to mind. 

Sydney looks like she wants to say something but she doesn’t before lifting her mug to sip. “It’s great. I love the work we’re doing here and I’m feeling like I’m being challenged in what I do. What about you? How are you doing?” 

“I’m doing well,” Maggie says as she feels a yawn coming on. “You would know.” 

“Maggie…” Sydney lets out with guilt across her face.

She can’t hold it in and lets out a small yawn. “I’m sorry, I just came off a 36 hour shift.” 

“Oh god, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” Sydney’s demeanor changes instantly. “I should’ve figured the time difference.” 

“It’s fine,” Maggie brushes off as she rubs her sleepy eyes. “I wanted to talk to you. We should catch up.” Another yawn comes on.

Sydney stares at Maggie with a sweet look on her face. “Maggie…” she chides gently. Maggie bites her lip as her cheeks warm. “Let’s find another time to talk. You should get some sleep and I was heading to the hospital anyway.” 

“I’m very skeptical about that,” Maggie quips. Sydney stares in surprise. Maggie surprises herself at how she virtually has no filter. “I’m sorry--”

“No, it’s fine,” Sydney says quickly. “I’ll call you. Are you working tomorrow?” 

“I have to do a 10k for Hope Zion,” Maggie sighs. 

Sydney laughs lightly. “You really need to rest then. Alright, I’ll be off at 7pm here. I’ll call you once I settle in and hopefully you'll be across the finish line.” 

Maggie smiles. “Okay.” 

Sydney looks at Maggie once more, wanting to say something. A beat passes before Sydney awkwardly says goodbye and clicks the red button. 

Maggie feels a bit sheepish for subtly calling Sydney out but she wants to talk to Sydney. Now she’s finally get that chance.


	8. viii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie thinks about whats keeping her alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again a bit of canon divergence because im making it more explicit what maggie's character motivation is in this - she's always been gung ho about going for what she wants but that feeling of "missing something" is definitely touched upon here and i hope you guys like it let me know what you think!

Maggie feels like her brain is splitting open one moment. 

Then the next thing she knows is that she’s standing in the middle of the ER and everything feels like a dream. She can see everyone she knows pass her by, but they don’t see her. There’s a tug in her chest at this strange realization that _no one_ can see her but she can see _everything_. 

“Maggie?” Charlie calls to her and she turns to look at him because he’s the first person to see her in what feels like aeons. 

“Charlie, you can see me?” Maggie doesn’t feel much as she says it. She just stares at him in disbelief. “What happened?”

“Maggie, where are you?” his voice fades into a dark void as she feels herself being pulled away. 

The tugging in her chest grows and she closes her eyes briefly, focusing on where she’s being taken. 

When she opens her eyes, she’s no longer at Hope Zion. She’s nowhere near Toronto as it seems. She’s in another hospital though where everything sounds different and rhythm is completely off. 

A cacophony fills her ears and her brain feels like it’s pressing against her skull. It takes a few seconds before the screeching stops and she readjusts. 

“ _Maggie?_ ” 

She looks up to her name once more and this time she sees Sydney. Sydney right before her, in the middle of pulling off her face mask, eyes wide with shock as she stares right at Maggie. 

“ _Syd_ \--” Maggie feels her heart warm as she takes in Sydney before her. Her body tingles as she smiles at the woman. 

Then suddenly, everything goes black and Maggie finds herself in a void again. She feels her eyes close, her body resting, and her mind relax. Everything is quiet. Eerily, ominously, _deadly_ quiet. But she doesn’t mind it because in a way, she finds **peace**.

But something stops her from slipping into complete peace. There’s a nagging thought at the back of her mind. 

There’s a blinding white light that fills her view. Then she’s back. She doesn’t know how long she’s been gone when she finds herself in the halls of Hope Zion once more. 

Maggie finds herself standing at the window of her patient. _Shelby_. She struggles to remember. _Shelby Hart. Shelby Hart. Shelby Hart._ Maggie repeats it to herself in her head before the memories of who her patient is fills her mind again. She can’t find peace like this. Not when she has so much work to do. 

Charlie sees her somehow. She doesn’t question it, she stays focused on her patient. One of her patients that Sydney left in her care. _Sydney_. Maggie looks at Charlie and reminds him of what she needs to do. 

“Maggie, you need to tell me what you need.” 

“I need to be with my patient.”

She’s a doctor first and foremost and her patients come before anything else. Everything that she’s ever worked for can’t be for nothing. All those years of studying, practicing, and researching. She is **Dr. Maggie Lin.**

_ Who else would I be? What else could I be if not a doctor? _

He looks at her with a myriad of thoughts. The pained look on his face only confuses her. 

She’s just trying to do her job. But her thoughts of Shelby Hart don’t let her stay. There’s something underlying the thought that takes her somewhere else. 

It’s **_raining_**. 

She stands underneath the grey skies and watches as the rain falls all around her. She looks down at the ground and watches the droplets fall. It’s strangely funny how her scrubs aren’t wet at all. Maybe this is just a dream. 

“ _Maggie?_ I just wanted to let you know I was getting off my shift.” 

Maggie turns to the sound of Sydney’s voice again. She spots the red hair easily through the colorless city. Sydney’s holding a clear umbrella in one hand while she holds her cellphone up to her ear. 

Maggie walks after her like a magnet is pulling her. The closer she gets to Sydney the more anchored she feels. 

“I was having a weird day and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Can you call me back?” Sydney takes a deep breath as she looks both ways at the crosswalk. “Soon.  _Please_.” 

Maggie stops in her tracks. Unsure if this is a dream or reality anymore. For a moment, she thinks about where her phone is. She thinks about yelling across the street as Sydney makes it down the block. But she doesn’t. She stands at the intersection with the rain falling around her and none of it falling on her.  

How could this be real but not? How could she be here but not? How could she be at peace but not?

She looks down the street. Sydney’s distinct red hair is still visible. Why does she feel something in her heart keeps leading her here? Why does she keep going back to Sydney?

Maggie takes a breath in as Sydney slowly disappears through the crowd. 

_ “Sydney, wait!”  _


	9. ix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie wakes up and she can't quite place what she's forgetting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back from my vacation hey hey hey!! i'm going to be busy for the next couple weeks playing catch up with work and going back to picking up more shifts i'm really hoping to finish more chapters soon so stay tuned! remember to let me know what you think :D

Maggie opens her eyes. She doesn’t quite feel like she’s waking up yet, but she can feel everything again. The cool air caresses her flesh, leaving goosebumps in its wake. She breathes out slowly as her vision adjusts. 

For a moment, she thinks she’s seeing red but it slowly morphs and changes. 

Alex comes into a view with a smile on her face. She looks so exhausted. 

“You gave us a scare.” 

Maggie stares at Alex, feeling a smile curl at the corner of her lips. “Am I okay?” she tries to joke. 

Alex tests her motor and memory skills briefly that has her smiling. She feels fine. But the glass isn’t quite half full even as Zach and Jackson come into the room not long after. She feels comforted by their presence but she feels like she’s forgetting something.

They need to keep her under observation for a few days. Alex looked like she was going to have an aneurysm when Maggie started walking down the halls not long after waking up. Zach stops by every other hour and it starts to bug her. And Jackson offers soft restraints, but quips she might like it too much. 

By the third day, Maggie hates it because everyone forces her to rest. All Maggie does is sit around in bed, watching tv, and talk to Jackson when he comes by to change her sheets. 

“Heard you should be in bed,” Charlie quips when he finds her pacing her room.

Maggie glowers at him. “I have work to do and patients to take care of. I can’t just stay in bed.”

Maggie feels a sense of deja vu around him. He looks at her funny and it makes her self conscious. 

“I’m sorry,” she says as she sits down on the bed. “Just feeling like cabin fever. I’m forgetting something but I don’t know what it is.” 

Charlie looks at her sympathetically. “You should take care of yourself before taking care of your patients. You’re no good to them otherwise. You’ve worked hard, Maggie, it’s okay to take a break.”

Maggie nods, feeling like she’s heard those words from him before.  

When he leaves, it feels like her mind opens up. Through the headache and haze, Maggie remembers that Sydney was supposed to call her. Maggie ends up getting Zach to grab her laptop from home so she can check her messages. 

There are a few text messages from Sydney that grow worried as the days pass.  

She settles into her bed and checks the time in London. 9pm GMT. 

Her mouse hovers over the video call button. There’s something that stops her from pressing the button. She wants to call Sydney but the thought of seeing her scares her at the same time. She doesn’t know where it comes from. 

Suddenly, her laptop goes off. There’s a call notification from Sydney that pops up at the corner of her laptop. She exhales to prepare herself as she clicks the green button. 

Sydney appears on her laptop, hair pulled up and she’s still wearing scrubs. “Maggie? Are you okay?” she instantly worries. The way her eyes express her worry with her small frown is adorable. 

Maggie can’t help but smile. “Dr. Katz, as I live and breathe,” she greets. The trepidation she felt not long ago seems to melt away. 

“I’m glad you’re doing both,” Sydney says with relief. She studies Maggie, blatantly staring at the bandage across her head. “God, Maggie, what happened?”

Maggie leans back into her bed to get comfortable before pulling her laptop closer. “You know, the 10k, terrorist bombing, brain bleed. The usual.” 

“That’s serious, Maggie, how can you joke about that?” Sydney quickly chides. If she were there, Maggie’s sure Sydney would give her more than just a glare. “Are you okay? Your memories, your hands…” Sydney lets the question trail off. 

Maggie holds up her hands and wiggles her fingers for Sydney to see. “I’m fine,” she informs with a relentless smile. 

“How could you possibly make this glass half full?” Sydney asks. 

Maggie purses her lips. “You’re here,” she answers honestly. She just wishes that Sydney could actually be there.

Sydney furrows her brow before shaking her head. “I had a bad feeling the other day, you know? I thought I saw you coming out of a surgery and I just knew.”

Maggie tilts her head. The same feeling of deja vu hitting her again. She remembers seeing Sydney and saying her name in the middle of the hospital. A dull pain fills her focus and Maggie pinches the bridge of her nose. 

“Maggie?” Sydney calls out with worry. 

“I’m fine,” Maggie brushes off, she waits for her vision to readjust. “Just a bit of a headache.” She stares at the way Sydney’s eyebrows furrow in worry. 

“You should rest. I can call you another time.” 

Maggie breathe out, “Stay.” Sydney looks at her and takes a moment before nodding. She smiles at her and raises an eyebrow unconsciously. “Tell me about your day. What surgeries did you have?”  

Maggie has Sydney talking until Sydney yawns this time. It warms her heart as she watches Sydney try to cover her mouth. A subtle blush caresses her cheeks as Maggie stares fondly at her. Maggie is more awake after their conversation, she hasn’t thought about the dull headache the whole time. Especially when Sydney says she’ll call to check in when she can. 

Maggie isn’t sure she believes Sydney, but she has hope.


	10. x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for the slow burn? no seriously ive been out of it because of all the work ive been doing im definitely trying to finish this story. it just turned out a bit longer than i intended it to be but i hope you enjoy it

“I see your emails, Maggie,” Alex announces as she walks into her room with her chart.

“Those better be my discharge papers,” Maggie says as she stares at Alex. She doesn’t move to get up though. The moving table has her laptop and several books open. She’s in the middle of studying. 

Alex throws a cheeky smile at her. “What did you threaten Jackson with to get all this?” 

“Har har,” Maggie returns sarcastically. “I already had them in my locker. I know your schedules too well that I covertly made it there and back without you knowing.” 

“You should be resting.” 

“I _have_ been.” 

“Maggie, when’s the last time you went on a vacation?” 

“I was just in Boston a couple of weekends ago,” Maggie reminds. “I have a lot of work to do. Second round of interviews with BWH are in a few days.”

Alex shuts her mouth. She knows how stubborn Maggie can get, but she also knows that Maggie is clearly working hard to overcompensate for something. Or in this case, _someone_. “Well, when that’s done with, maybe it’ll be good to take time off before jumping into your new job,” Alex suggests. 

Maggie scoffs. “ _If_ I get it.” Alex narrows her eyes and Maggie sees this. 

Alex is about to respond when a ringing starts from Maggie’s laptop. She glances over. “Sydney Katz?”

“Yeah, just one second--” Maggie accepts the call. 

“How old do I look to you?” Sydney sharply asks, frustration clear in her voice. Maggie smiles at the flustered look on her pale skin. “You wouldn’t believe what this intern had the nerve to say to me today--”

“Hey, Syd,” Maggie starts, glancing at Alex, who raises her eyebrows. “Can I call you back in a few minutes?”

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” Sydney asks. 

Maggie opens her mouth to talk when Alex steps beside Maggie into the camera view. 

“Oh! Hello, Dr. Reid,” Sydney greets in surprise. 

“Hi, Dr. Katz,” Alex casually returns. “It’s nice to see your face after so long.” 

Sydney shuts her mouth. “I’ve been really busy. How is Luke doing? He should be toddling around by now,” she jokes politely.

Maggie holds back a smile as Alex glances at Maggie, noticing a change in Sydney’s demeanor. 

“Luke’s doing great, thanks for asking,” Alex says. “How are you doing?” 

“I’m doing well,” Sydney answers. “I should let you go. I can call back later.” She glances at Maggie to see if that’s okay. 

Alex sees the looks between them and finds it’s time to bow out. But Maggie says goodbye too quickly and presses the end call before Alex can protest. 

Maggie bites her lip as she closes her laptop. “So, the discharge papers?” she diverts. 

“So, video calls?” Alex prods playfully. 

“You said I should talk to her and now I am,” Maggie deflects back to Alex. 

“Mmm.” 

“Don’t be weird about this. We’re just talking.” 

“How long have you been talking?”

“Just a couple of days,” Maggie brushes off. “She worries about me since the bombing.” 

“ _Hmm_.” 

“Stop that.”

Alex lets out an innocent, “What? I’m not saying anything.” 

Maggie gives her a serious look. And if that look could kill. “You’re being weird about this. Don’t make it weird. We’re just talking like _friends_.” 

“Were you ever _just_ **friends**?” Alex asks. 

Maggie blushes. “Whatever. Are you going to discharge me or what?” 

Maggie knows full well she and Sydney have been... _more than friends_.


	11. xi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie comes back to work and has to make some big decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are these phone calls and video calls not signalling to either of them that they may be in a relationship? #slowburn

Maggie realize she can’t stand being at home. The week she gets discharged, she spends approximately **two** days cleaning up her small apartment before realizing there isn’t much else for her to do. Outside of work, she realizes she hasn’t had a hobby in years. 

Her dating life is also abysmal but to be honest, with how things are going with work, it feels like she can actually focus on herself now. 

She tries not be too hasty. She takes a day to go on a hike, ride her bike, and tries to see a movie. She relearns how to properly make tea, meticulously grooms her nails, and tries to cook three times a day. It’s relaxing but feels purposeless. The most productive thing she was able to do was the second round interview with BWH, which had felt _stellar_. By the end of the week, she’s more than ready to go back to Hope Zion. 

Maggie is getting checked out by Shahir when she gets a page from Dawn.

“Dr. Lin, I see that you’re back sooner than expected,” Dawn states impassively as she stands in the doorway. 

“Yeah, can’t really stay away,” Maggie says in return. “Shahir said I was clear and I am ready to work.”

Dawn looks at her skeptically but nods. “That’s good to hear. I also wanted to let you know that Dr. Carter is moving to Montreal in two weeks.”

Maggie stares, briefly confused. “Does that mean...?” she lets her question trail off by the way Dawn assesses her. There’s an imperceptible smile on Dawn’s lips as she nods. 

“I know that you have been pursuing opportunities elsewhere.” _Of course_ Dawn knows, she helped Maggie prep for her interview. “However, I think you’ve proven yourself to be a competent doctor here at Hope Zion. We’d be very pleased to have you on staff.”

Maggie feels elated at this news. Just by the way _Dawn_ , out of all people, is the one to tell her. She’s not going to lie she used to hate Dawn, but she respected the shit out of the woman. Now for Dawn to tell her of this opportunity? It’s like her moment at Hope Zion has _finally_ come. 

“Thank you for the opportunity, Dr. Bell,” Maggie chirps happily.  

“Don’t thank me yet,” Dawn drawls. “You have some time to make a decision, so use it wisely.”

“Of course,” Maggie practically bows with her nod. “I will let you know soon.”

“Maggie?” Dawn stops her as she readily leaves her office. “You’ve done a good job.”

Maggie can’t help but smile as she leaves Dawn’s office. She teeming with excitement as she bounces through the halls. It’s finally here. Her opportunity. _Oh god,_ her **opportunities**. BWH hasn’t gotten back to her just yet, but she knows their decision is coming soon. 

As she makes her way to find Alex, she can feel the vibration in her pocket. 

She pulls out her phone to see Sydney’s name for a video chat. Maggie smiles even harder as she clicks the green button. “Hey there.” 

Sydney is dressed in her scrubs and scrub cap on. She tilts her head, inspecting Maggie’s face. “You’re too thin,” she deadpans. 

Maggie chews the inside of her cheek. “Are you Jewish mothering me or ex-girlfriending me?” she asks as she turns into the on call room. 

“I didn’t know we were exes,” Sydney jokes back. 

“Not really just friends either,” Maggie reminds with a coy smile. 

“Are you at work right now?” Sydney switches gears suddenly, noticing when Maggie sits down on a cot. Maggie nods. She looks disapprovingly. “It’s so soon after the accident, are you sure you should be back?”

“I’d rather be back with a headache than surfing daytime television.”

“Fair enough.”

Maggie purses her lips. “ _So_...you’re calling me at work now?” The smile hasn’t ebbed since leaving Dawn’s office. 

Sydney smiles gently. “I just got a call from Dr. Shepard actually because _someone_ put me down as a reference for an application.” 

“You technically made yourself my reference when you _highly_ _recommended_ me,” she gently prods. They haven’t spoken about that just yet, but now seems like a good a time as any. “Apparently, you talk about me a lot.” 

Sydney tries to remain impassive but she smiles playfully at Maggie. “You’re a good doctor, Maggie, sue me if I talk about your work. It’s not like I sing praises to everyone about you.” 

Maggie wiggles her eyebrows at Sydney that makes her turn red. “Seriously though, baruch hashem and thank you, of course.” Sydney’s eyes subtly widen. “I feel like a lot of things have changed and somehow you’ve played a part in it.”

Sydney softens at this with a wistful sigh. “It was all of your hard work too Maggie.”

Maggie learns that when it comes to her, Sydney has a hard time taking a compliment. So she’ll let it slide this time. 

“Brigham and Women’s would be lucky to have you.” 

For a second Maggie falters because she faces a new conflict. If she does get the job at BWH would she want to go knowing that there’s one here for her at Hope Zion? She stayed in Toronto because she thought her time would come. Now that it has, seeing Sydney being so encouraging and having recommended her for so many things, it feels wrong to not take the opportunity. Maggie could get out of there, make a life in Boston, do great things in a new environment.

Sydney catches on too quickly. “What’s wrong? You don’t seem excited anymore.” 

Maggie shakes her head, trying to find the right words. “I am, _I am_ \---” Sydney hums knowingly and Maggie frowns. “I’m still excited. I guess, I’m a little conflicted?” 

Sydney looks at her with concern.

Maggie doesn’t know why it’s so easy to talk to Sydney. She doesn’t know why she wants to talk to Sydney about this. It’s like her opinion actually matters. Maybe it’s because she was her mentor or maybe it was because it felt nice having a friend to talk to. Or maybe it was because it was Sydney. A different version of Sydney that Maggie feels closer to. 

“What’s going on?” Sydney asks. She is genuinely concerned. 

“I just got back from seeing Dawn and she mentioned a staff position here opening up,” Maggie lets out with a heavy heart. “She asked me to think about it.” 

Sydney’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, wow.” 

Her surprise is subdued but Maggie doesn’t have the heart to ask. She already feels kind of guilty that she’s happy by the prospect of becoming a staff OB at Hope Zion. 

“That’s good news though, Maggie,” Sydney says softly.

Maggie nods, a bit delayed. “I know,” she responds. “They’re both great opportunities and I just feel a bit overwhelmed now that I think about it. It’s not like I was expecting these things to happen all at once.” Maggie blushes as Sydney intently listens to her. “I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m rambling.”

“It’s fine,” Sydney smiles gently. Maggie’s sure if Sydney was there, she’d hold her hand, which she really wouldn’t mind right now. “ _Hmm_. Just take your time making your decision. You’ll know what the right one is when the time comes.” 

“Thanks, Syd.” 

Sydney bobs her head. In the background, a pager goes off. Sydney looks at it quickly. “I’m sorry, I have a consult.” 

“Of course, we’ll talk soon.”

Sydney smiles before ending the call. Maggie sits there for a few minutes wondering why it made her both happy and conflicted that Sydney called her at just the right moment. 


	12. xii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie's made her decision and there's a shift in their "relationship"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i am diligently working on this.......but ive been just forgetting to post so rest assured im close to finishing it and hopefully it is as satisfying to you as it is to me

Maggie stares at the expansive space in her office. It isn’t quite furnished just yet, but she thinks in a few weeks, she’ll get a better idea of how she wants to decorate her space. Her favorite part so far is being able to open the shades and see the full view of the city first thing in the morning. 

She takes a deep breath, soaking up the view of it all. 

It feels so surreal to have her own office. All of her hard work really has paid off. To think just a month ago she was a glorified intern, grasping onto whatever straws she could, and forging through the day to get ahead. The work isn’t going to stop. This isn’t it. 

Maggie smiles to herself. There’s still work to be done and she’s ready for it. 

“This suits you well, Mags.” 

Maggie turns around and sees Alex standing in the doorway. She smiles brightly, finding it in herself to hum. “I suppose it does,” Maggie states as she scans her office once more. “I even got a new badge.” She taps her white coat.

“I’m so happy for you,” Alex says as she walks over to hug Maggie. Maggie meets her halfway.

“Thank you.” Maggie returns as she pulls away. 

There’s a knock on her door and they both turn to see a young man carrying a large bouquet of flowers. “Delivery for Dr. Lin?” 

“Wow, first thing in the morning,” Alex notes aloud as she gives Maggie a playful look.

Maggie shakes her head in amusement. She goes to take the flowers from the man and inhales their fresh scent. She turns the flowers to look for the note attached. 

“Have a good day,” he says with a tip of his hat and a flirty smile that Maggie doesn’t even regard with her face practically buried in the flowers. 

Maggie sets them on her desk and plucks the note from the vase. 

“He was cute,” Alex says, trying to get Maggie’s attention. 

Maggie raises her eyebrows as she opens the note. “I didn’t notice,” she says with a cheeky smile. She opens the note to see Sydney’s handwriting. 

_Have a good first day, Dr. Lin._ **-Syd**

“Who are these from?” Alex asks with a knowing smile. 

Maggie rolls her eyes. “Sydney sent them. I told her I took the job here.”

“She wasn’t disappointed that you turned down her old job?” 

“Nope. As much as I love the idea of moving to Boston, it just doesn’t seem like something I could do just yet. I told her that I still had a lot of work to do here with the research and my patients still need me.”

Alex nods at Maggie’s words. “That’s understandable. As long as you are happy.” 

Maggie takes a breath in. “Yes, I think I am.” 

Alex’s pager goes off and she checks it quickly. “Accident off the freeway. Time to get to work.” 

“Of course. You can do that while I figure out how to furnish my new office until my first meeting.”

Alex raises her eyebrows at Maggie’s sass. “I have my own office too,” she reminds. 

Maggie sticks her tongue out. “This one is finally mine!”

Alex laughs as she gets to the door. “By the way, flowers are romantic.” 

“Not these ones!” Maggie shoots back quickly. But when she looks back at them, she tilts her head at the arrangement curiously. It’s a beautiful sunrise arrangement with oranges and pinks, and scanty yellows. She brushes her fingers against the red tipped orange roses. She’ll have to remind herself to look up flower meanings at another time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realize my note sounds suggestive....but you all know what i mean LOL


	13. xiii

Sydney is acting strange. _Well_ , she’s always been strange in her own adorable way. However, Maggie notices things about the fiery red head doctor. 

Maggie is cursing at the hot pan for burning her hand while cooking her lunch. She slams down the spatula on the counter before grabbing a towel to wipe off the splashed oil. 

“That means your heat is on too high,” Sydney says absently as she looks through her textbook. There’s still a small smile on her face as she glances to the camera. 

Maggie glowers at Sydney in her own computer screen before moving to turn down the flame. “I realize that,” she says sarcastically. “You know, I don’t know why I let you talk me into cooking, when I can easily call for food.” 

“It doesn’t hurt to be particular about what you put into your body,” Sydney returns, still half paying attention to the conversation. 

Maggie notices that she’s been doing that a bit more than usual. While they don’t talk everyday. It felt like they talked more often than people expect them too. If Maggie was being honest, she enjoyed the nights she and Sydney would schedule some time to talk. Early mornings were often brief and quick updates before Maggie started her day. Evenings were a bit longer with Sydney regaling tales of her day. Towards the weekend, Maggie noticed they’d be up a bit later than usual, ending their conversations with tired eyes and relentless yawns.

Lately, Sydney has been quiet. More quiet than usual, like she’s been thinking of something. Some of their evening conversations have been cut short or replaced with morning calls. Maggie understood to an extent because they were both doctors. There were weeks they’d go without talking, it wasn’t uncommon if something came up either. 

This was very **different**. Maggie can tell Sydney is quieter than usual when she’s contemplating a problem. This problem has spanned a couple of months without resolve because it always feels like Sydney catches herself looking at Maggie’s eyes, but immediately diverting the attention elsewhere.

“I can be particular about what I want _inside_ ,” Maggie says salaciously. She winks at Sydney playfully.

Sydney blushes at the double entendre instantly. It’s exactly the response that Maggie wants because Sydney is flapping her mouth open like she wants to respond but there’s nothing she can say that will make it sound _just_ _friendly_. 

Maggie laughs hard to assuage Sydney’s floundering. “God, you should see your face,” Maggie says through her laughter. 

Sydney is the epitome of propriety. Despite slowly transitioning from her adherent beliefs to make adjustments to the lifestyle she wanted to live, Sydney at her core would always be proper. It’s what Maggie likes about her the most because seeing that side of her reminds Maggie of how much passion Sydney can also exude. 

Sydney turns redder. “So, we’ve gotten this far to make jokes like this?” 

Maggie continues to laugh. “Considering we’ve had sex, _yes_. Besides we talk fairly regularly, I think you should know this very well about me.”

At this, Sydney’s demeanor changes. It’s very subtle but Maggie can tell by the way Sydney breathes in before biting the inside of her cheek, that Sydney was about to say whatever she’s been putting thought into for weeks. 

“Just out of curiosity, are you seeing someone at this time?” Sydney asks carefully. Her eyes darting as if she’s looking for an exit. 

Maggie raises an eyebrow. “Seeing someone?” She takes a breath. Sydney should know whether or not she’s seeing someone. “No, I am not.” 

Sydney nods, taking in her answer. Not quite ready to respond apparently. 

It raises a curiosity in Maggie. Because she should also know if Sydney is seeing someone. Maggie had just never figured because Sydney hasn’t mentioned anyone since they started talking. It’s not as if they’re talking and getting to know **each other**. They’re _friends_. They have friendly conversations on a semi-regular basis. 

Yet, the question begs what this could mean for them. Was Sydney curious because she was concerned about Maggie? Was Sydney hinting at something between them? 

The look in Sydney’s eyes tell it all when she looks at Maggie. The hesitation and worry are etched across her pale features easily. While, this is one of the rare occasions that Sydney is wearing glasses, Maggie can see her eyes clearly. 

Maggie takes a chance to ask, “Are _you_ seeing someone?”

“Yes,” Sydney answers quietly. “I’m sure it’s nothing serious but there’s a law student I met and we’ve had coffee a couple of times. We’re supposed to have dinner tomorrow night.” 

“Oh.” Maggie bobs her head. There’s a tightness in her chest as the air feels thick all of a sudden. Maggie surmises it’s probably just coming from her end because it’s very difficult to tell by the way Sydney just stares at her for more. What more is she supposed to say? 

Maggie forges on the best way that she knows. “Look at your life full of hot dates and deliveries,” she cracks a smile playfully.

Sydney lets out a bit of a scoff. “Not exactly,” she brushes off. “Between the changes in my life and moving from Toronto to Boston and now London, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind.” Maggie nods, understanding wholly, considering she was there for the biggest change of Sydney’s life. “Now, the dust is finally settling and I wanted to try to be me.” 

“Of course,” Maggie instantly agrees. “You deserve to be your best self. You’ve made some big decisions and look how far you’ve come. It makes sense to try to be with someone that you _actually_ want to be with.” 

Sydney takes her words in thoughtfully. As if she’s really considering Maggie’s words. They have gotten closer in the last couple of months and Maggie feels honored as Sydney takes a moment. 

“Thanks, Maggie,” Sydney smiles gently. “It’s nice to hear that from someone I trust. It hasn’t been easy with my family. My father still hasn’t spoken to me but my mom has at least responded to my emails. It’s something but they don’t quite understand that this is who I am now. Who I want to be.”  

“You’re pretty great, Syd,” Maggie tacks on, despite the tightness in her chest growing. 

Sydney smiles a bit more confidently. “I am, aren’t I?” she jokes back. 

“Wow, this girl is going to be _so lucky_ to have you,” Maggie throws back sarcastically. She tries really hard not to think about Sydney dating someone else because part of her wonders what if Sydney had been dating her?

The tightness in her chest grows at the thought. 


	14. xiv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie only wants one person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you believe this? ive been rewriting parts of the series and now we are suddenly on season 5...so yall know whats about to happen next right?

If there is one thing that Maggie is an expert at it's running away from her feelings. 

While she doesn’t do it consciously, it finds a way to manifest itself in other things. Like her keen obsession with work. Or misplacing her emotions for an idea that she can rationalize. 

“I’m seeing Dawn,” Zach says to her after she kisses him. 

It’s like a sudden shower of ice cold water that shocks Maggie. However, through her sobering shivers, she feels _relieved_. 

It must show on her face because Zach goes on. Even with his apologetic face, he stares at her sympathetically. 

_ “Maybe it’s time for you to be with someone who you actually want to be with.”  _

Maggie throws herself onto her empty, cold bed when she gets home. She rolls onto her back when she’s had enough of the strange tugging in her chest. 

She stares at the ceiling and thinks about Zach’s words. 

Someone she actually wants to be with. She wanted to be with Zach, he was there and available. **No** , he was just _there_. Maggie feels like a fool for not noticing the signs sooner. It wasn’t unlike Zach to be in a work relationship. He was with Melanda and while that started covertly, it was one of the worst kept secrets in the hospital. With him and Dawn, it just makes a lot of sense. 

They’ve all grown up over the years. Maggie feels like she’s grown up too. She’s got her research going. She’s got residents underneath her. She’s a staff OB. So why does it still feel like something is missing?

Maggie rubs her face and lets out a groan of frustration. 

She honestly debates rejoining a dating app but she doesn’t want to. She’s been remarkably unlucky with coffee dates. It’s not her fault that the people she runs into are just…. _not_ who she wants.

She knows she’s being stubborn. And she knows exactly why she’s being stubborn. 

Maggie reaches for her phone and opens up her messages. 

She doesn’t need to scroll too far to find Sydney’s name before pressing it. It doesn’t even take long for Maggie to go through their messages because they don’t text often. Their texts mainly consisted of pleasantries and late night thoughts they forgot to mention earlier. They don’t need to text much because they’ll video chat. When the call came to a close there was always an understanding that one of them would call the other. Maggie often let Sydney decide because Maggie would always be ready to call Sydney. 

It always made Maggie’s heart flutter when Sydney would actually say _goodbye_ or _talk to you later_. It was a reminder that Sydney would keep Maggie in mind. 

So much has changed for them too. Maggie hated the radio silence when Sydney up and left because even though they weren’t much, they were _something_. Maggie can’t help but think about them from time to time. In brief moments of clarity, Maggie felt the emptiness in her heart fill with thoughts of Sydney. The sensation was so unprecedented and unsettling that Maggie never wanted to focus on it. 

It was the one thing she wanted but was terrified to pursue. 

Maggie takes a breath in. 

A couple of weeks have passed since they last spoke. It doesn’t feel like they’ve been speaking too often over the last couple of months. Maggie’s been swamped at the hospital with the tail end of their study as they move onto the second phase. She still has a mountain of paperwork to go through as the study transitions to Mississauga Memorial. On top of that, it seems like her patient list has doubled in the last couple of months and she wholly blames it on the season. 

All of those seem like petty excuses as Maggie stares at the sparse messages. 

She holds her phone to her chest.

Ever since Sydney told her she was seeing someone, Maggie’s tried to keep her distance. She thought she was being a better friend that way but to be honest, it sucked having to second guess herself every time they called. She toned down the playful flirting and tried to be _just_ friends. 

_ They were never just friends.  _

Maggie lets out an elongated sigh before picking up her phone again. 

She presses the little video chat button and waits as it rings. 

It takes a moment before the call gets answered. There’s rustling on the other side before the grainy image lights up briefly before going dark. 

“Sydney,” she grumbles sleepily. 

Maggie suppresses a laugh. “Sydney,” she greets in return.

“Maggie?” There’s more rustling before the screen lights up and Sydney is rubbing her sleepy eyes. “Is everything okay?” 

Maggie debates on the answer before going with, “Just wanted to talk to you.” 

There’s a small smile on Sydney’s sleepy face as she turns onto her side, tucking her hand under her head. She looks angelic under the early morning sunlight as she stares at her phone. “This is a pleasant surprise,” she mumbles sleepily. 

“Why do you say that?” Maggie asks as if Sydney just knows why Maggie is calling. Maggie doesn’t even know why, she just wants to hear Sydney, see Sydney, because she can’t be with Sydney. 

“You’ve been acting weird for awhile now,” Sydney answers pointedly. There’s a stray mess of hair Maggie notices that she wants to smooth out with her fingers. 

“I haven’t been acting weird.” Maggie breathes out. 

Sydney raises her eyebrows. “You know, I’ve always had a feeling I wouldn’t be the one calling so often.”

“I call you,” Maggie weakly argues. **No** , she let’s _Sydney_ call. 

“You don’t,” Sydney counters. “You text me something random when you forget to tell me. But you haven’t called me before. _I call you_.”

“Well, if you didn’t want to call me, you wouldn’t have to.” 

“I want to. But I also know that you want me to.” 

Maggie chews the inside of her cheek. How was she supposed to tell Sydney how she felt? Like how every time Sydney came to mind all Maggie can think of is Sydney leaving? Or how Sydney just leaves without saying goodbye? Or how it makes Maggie feel knowing that Sydney doesn’t mind cutting ties with people?

Sydney tilts her head, slowing waking up. “Maggie? Are you okay?” she asks perceptively. 

Maggie doesn’t know how Sydney’s been so perceptive over the years. She knows Sydney to be extremely observant of her, but she supposes that this is different. Sydney can sense things about Maggie.

She thinks about telling Sydney all of these things, all of her feelings, but when she opens her mouth it feels like she can’t breathe. It’s like she’s being strangled from the inside. The emotions become too overwhelming and all she can think about is how she wishes Sydney was there. Maybe that’d make it a little easier for her. 

“I’m okay,” Maggie eventually breathes. “Just trying to process...a lot of things.” 

Sydney stares at her curiously. “What are you trying to process?” 

Maggie puts on a brave face. She has to figure this out so she can actually talk to Sydney. “Just work right now. Nothing too crazy.” 

Sydney doesn’t look convinced but she comforts Maggie with, “You know you can always talk it through with me.”

“You were a great mentor.”

“I _am_ a great mentor. Gee, I’m not dead yet.” 

Maggie giggles. “I’m glad you’re not.” She actually looks at the time as Sydney lets out a cute yawn she hides behind her hand. “Sorry, for waking you up.”

“It’s fine,” Sydney says as she rubs her eyes. “I didn’t have any plans today.”

“No hot date with your girlfriend?” Maggie prods playfully, not really expecting a straight answer from Sydney. 

“Nope,” Sydney answers casually, lightly. “No girlfriend to go on hot dates with.” 

“What about that law student?” 

Sydney narrows her eyes. “That was months ago. It hadn’t worked out.” 

“Oh,” Maggie lets out dumbly. “Uh, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, I kind of knew it wasn’t going to work after dinner.” Sydney’s face suddenly changes as she looks at her phone. Maggie is about to ask when Sydney’s face turns a bit red. The kind when she gets frustrated and the color goes all the way to her ears. “I’m sorry, Maggie,” she looks apologetically. “I have to take this. We’ll talk later.” 

Before Maggie can say goodbye, Sydney ends the call. 

Maggie is right back where she started. She stares at the ceiling and wonders _how_ she can be with the person she **wants**. 


	15. xv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sydney resurfaces in more ways than one

Days pass as Maggie tries to get in contact with Sydney. She starts to feel worried that she might have actually said something wrong in their last call. Maybe Sydney wasn’t ready to talk about her failed relationship with the law student. Or maybe she was lying. Either way, it eats away at Maggie because she hasn’t heard from Sydney. 

Maggie looks at her phone, willing a response to come through for the text she sent in the morning. 

It’s only been a few hours but looking at her texts prior, Sydney hasn’t responded to a single one. 

“I need you,” Dr. Scott suddenly says, sidling up beside and ushering her down the hall. 

“Be more specific and less kidnappy, please,” Maggie quips back as she shoves her phone into her pocket. 

He hands her a folder and explains that there’s a woman that is asking for her. Rebecca Friedman, someone whom she’s never heard of before. She’s clearly familiar with Maggie. 

Maggie tries to do her best to figure out what the situation is. One minute she’s checking Rebecca, when a pain shoots through her abdomen. Just as Maggie reaches out, someone is faster, fitting herself right between Rebecca and Maggie. 

Maggie’s breath hitches as she hears the familiar voice. 

"Keep breathing." 

"I am!"

"Slower, Rivka. Slow down."

Her voice is soothing and calming, despite the low tremors of worry. It sounds different in the present space. It’s more real than Maggie's ever imagined it to be. She takes a moment to stare and sees the striking red hair, in shoulder length waves against the pale skin.

**Sydney**.

Maggie bites her tongue to stop herself from calling out her name. Her heart swells inside of her. 

After Rebecca calms down, Sydney turns her head with a small smile regarding Maggie. Maggie can’t help but smile brightly at her. Maggie asks Billy to run some tests for her just so that they can discuss Rebecca’s condition. 

Maggie tries not to overstep her boundaries. It’s very easy to treat a patient when they aren't necessarily close to you, but this was vastly different. Rebecca wasn’t just a patient, she was Sydney’s sister. It was very clear by the vague tension in the room that Rebecca and Sydney still had things to discuss that Maggie wasn’t privy to. She tried to remain professional, but courteous to Sydney because Rebecca was in both of their field of expertise. 

Maggie does have bad news that she holds onto ever since Rebecca mentioned the reason she was there in the first place. Sydney already looks upset, knowing that on some level her sister resents her. As much as she tries to express lightly how her family feels about her coming out, it only reminds her of how difficult it’s been. Maggie feels for Sydney when she tells her there’s no more spots in the study. There are tears welling up in Sydney’s eyes because the situation feels helpless. 

“At least, she’ll still have you,” Sydney says, despite how hopeful she sounds, Maggie catches the sadness in her voice. 

Maggie nods but she frowns a bit. “I’m not sure what I can do that her other doctor didn’t think of.” 

Sydney purses her lips and shares a small shrug. She looks so small standing before Maggie as she clutches her purse that’s slung across her back. She leans against her luggage as she chews on her thoughts. 

“Are you sure you can’t stay?” Maggie asks, noticing all of Sydney’s stuff. She stares a bit closer to see the sleepless eyes. 

“My parents have made it very clear they don’t want me here,” Sydney says, broken. She takes a breath as she looks at Maggie. “You look good, Maggie.” There’s a small smile on her lips as she reaches for her luggage. 

Maggie watches as Sydney wheels her luggage away before reaching out to grab her hand. “Wait,” she says quickly, stopping her before she gets away. Maggie feels the electricity between them as they make contact. “Where are you going to go?” 

Sydney blinks and brushes a stray tear away. “I have to check into a hotel. I was in such a rush catching my flight I didn’t have a chance to look---”

Without thinking, Maggie can’t help herself but to say, “Stay with me.” Her heart pounds inside of her the minute she says it because Sydney is finally there and they were friends. Friends offer friends places to stay. The anticipation of Sydney’s response makes it very clear to Maggie though that she doesn’t just want them to be friends.

“I couldn’t--” Sydney looks a bit shocked as she answers. 

Maggie shakes her head. “Syd, it’s fine,” she breathes out, trying to be brave. “It’s not like we’re strangers. You’re in town and I haven’t seen you, so you might as well stay with me and we can figure this situation with your sister together instead of holing up by yourself in a dingy hotel.” She smiles convincingly enough because Sydney returns a smile. 

Sydney nods. “Okay,” she shyly responds. “If you insist.”

“Come on, you look exhausted,” Maggie says as she begins walking with Sydney down the halls. “We’ll get you some food and you can nap in my office for as long as you like. My couch is very comfortable.” 

Sydney chuckles as she tugs along her luggage. “Are you Jewish mothering me now?”

Maggie hums to herself. She is most definitely not Jewish mothering Sydney.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM STUCK YALL IVE GOT WRITERS BLOCK SEND HELP


	16. xvi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i know i said i had writers block but that block is MUCH MUCH further down the story than what ive actually posted; i am actually moving towards the end of this story and at this point right now its kind of halfway so im almost done...just stuck on how i wanna end it 
> 
> oh also theres going to be at least 2 more parts to this arc while sydney is in toronto

The day is much longer than she anticipated because Rebecca’s pain doesn’t go away. It gets to be too much and Maggie is forced to operate. Sydney tries to make a suggestion, but Maggie can see the worry in her eyes because this was her baby sister. It makes Maggie nervous despite being a very qualified doctor. She knows what she is doing and what her options are for Rebecca, but her worry also lies with Sydney. What more can she do for Sydney?

It doesn’t help that every time they share a space, they seem to be very distracted with each other. Sydney stares at her reverently as Maggie talks and examines her sister. It makes Maggie feel like her heart wants to give out on her because of how fast it’s beating. Maggie feels like she can’t stop staring at Sydney because all she wants to do is touch Sydney now that she’s there. She has to catch herself multiple times because Sydney looks like she wants to do the same. 

Maggie lets Billy close up Rebecca and she goes to meet Sydney to update her parents. 

They seem to be in the middle of an argument with Sydney trying her best to remain calm, but neither one of her parents seem to care. They see Maggie approaching and immediately turn their attention to her. 

“Sydney says she fine, is Rebecca fine?” Sydney’s mother instantly asks as her husband sidles up beside her with an equally worried look on her face. “Why did you open her up? There is a risk to the baby!” 

Off to the side, Sydney looks annoyed at being rebuffed before catching Maggie’s eyes. Maggie tilts her head for Sydney to join her because they’re in this together. Sydney quietly moves over next to Maggie, clearly unwilling to speak anymore since her parents don’t want to listen to what she has to say. 

Maggie squares her shoulders and speaks confidently. “I’m sure Sydney explained to you that it was necessary for us to perform the surgery in order to remove the tumors that were causing Rebecca a significant amount of pain.” Maggie unconsciously places a hand on the small of Sydney’s back encouragingly. “With Syd’s counsel and my assessment of Rebecca’s state, it was the best option for us to take the chance.” They look taken aback as if coming to Sydney’s defense was unnatural, but they really stare at Maggie’s hand on their daughter. Maggie doesn’t move her hand the minute she feels Sydney relaxing to her touch. “The tumors were successfully removed and Rebecca and the baby are fine. You’ll be able to see her soon.”

Mr. and Mrs. Katz both look relieved but don’t reserve the same look at Sydney. In fact, they ignore her, which is better than them yelling at her. Sydney stands beside Maggie, looking impassively. They don’t say thank you to Maggie but Maggie doesn’t care because that went as well as it could’ve gone. 

“I’m sorry about my parents,” Sydney says as they walk away. They make no motion to stop Sydney but Maggie can feel their stares at them.

“It’s fine,” Maggie returns honestly. “I wasn’t expecting a grand gesture of thanks. Are _you_ doing okay?” She was referring to the arguing before she got there.

Sydney nods before letting out a long sigh. “I’m fine. You know what? They’ll come around or they won’t. I’m done trying to make it easy for them.”

Maggie perks to the confidence in Sydney’s voice. “You seem so... _different_ ,” she points out proudly. 

Sydney nods in agreement. “These last couple of years have been a lot of things. I thought I’d feel like that same ashamed girl that left them, but now that I’m here, I can see things for how they really are. I’m my own person and the decisions I’ve made haven’t made me any less of a great doctor or a decent human being.” 

Maggie smiles brightly as she pats Sydney on the shoulder. “Look at you,” she playfully cheers. “I’d say you’re ready to take the world on by storm but it looks like you’ve already started.” 

Sydney laughs at this. “It’s not like you don’t already know that. We talk.”

“Yeah, but it’s different now that you’re here,” Maggie admits. “It’s better.” 

Sydney bites her lip at Maggie’s words. She looks like she’s searching for the right thing to say but instead she says, “Should we get going?”

It worries Maggie but she puts it in the back of her mind. “Yeah, just let me get changed.”

“I’ll just check on Rebecca and meet you up front,” Sydney coordinates.

\------------

Maggie enters her office and she’s in the middle of taking off her shirt when she hears the door open. She turns and sees Alex coming in. 

“ _So_ Sydney’s been here all day,” Alex announces with a sly look on her face. 

Maggie narrows her eyes. “Yeah, her sister has stage 2 ovarian cancer and she’s pregnant,” she recaps casually. 

Alex nods. “I heard that you were specifically requested.” 

Before Maggie can answer, the door opens up and Zach comes into the room with a bright smile on his face.

“ _Dr. Katz_ has been here all day,” Zach says slyly before wiggling his eyebrows. 

Maggie rolls her eyes as she throws her shirt over her head. “I **know** that.”

“Of course you do, you’ve been working all day with her,” Zach adds on, garnering a snicker from Alex. “And you’re taking her back to your place.” Alex looks at him with raised eyebrows as he nods to her knowingly. “Seems like someone is going to get _thanked_ for all her hard work today.” 

Maggie’s eyes widen comically. While Alex slaps Zach with the back of her hand but the smirk on her face betrays her. 

“It’s not like that!” Maggie protests hotly. She can feel her cheeks warm. 

“But inviting her over is really bold,” Alex adds. 

Maggie looks incredulously at the both of them. “She didn’t have a place to stay because she rushed over here from London,” she rationalizes to them. “It’d be rude if I didn’t offer.”

Both Alex and Zach cross their arms with a look on their faces, pure disbelief at Maggie. Maggie blushes furiously. 

“Seriously, it’s not a big deal,” Maggie tries to brush off. “We’re just _friends_.”

Alex and Zach look at each other with some weird telepathic communication before looking at Maggie. 

“What?!” Maggie exclaims. 

“We didn’t say anything,” Alex calmly returns with a smile on her face. 

“But the lady doth protest too much,” Zach interjects with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“I am not!” Maggie throws back as she pulls on her jacket. “Stop making this weird. It’s not like she came here for me.” She grabs her bag and keys before moving towards the door. “She’s just making sure her sister is checked in and before I know it, she’ll be back to cheery ole London.” Maggie bashfully rushes out of the room before Alex and Zach can say anything else. 

Alex and Zach look at each other as Maggie practically runs away from them. 

“She’s totally in love with Sydney isn’t she?” Zach clarifies to Alex. 

Alex looks at him with a nod. “Basically.”

\------------

Sydney is relieved that her parents aren’t in Rebecca’s room when she makes her way in. Her sister is resting peacefully that she doesn’t want to disturb her. However, Sydney’s mere presence seems to wake her up. 

Rebecca looks over as Sydney quietly enters the room. “Hey, you’re still here,” she greets with a small smile on her face. A tired hand reaches for Sydney.

Sydney feels her heart swell as she grabs onto Rebecca’s hand. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, just really tired?” Rebecca answers before looking at her stomach with relief. “The baby is okay?” 

Sydney nods. “Yes, Maggie was able to remove the tumor without harming the baby,” she relays positively. “You are going to still need to be on chemo but you’re going need a lot of rest for now okay?” 

Rebecca nods sleepily. She tries to sit up a bit and Sydney immediately adjusts the bed for her. “You and Dr. Lin are really close.” Sydney opens her mouth when Rebecca adds, “You call her Maggie.” Sydney shuts her mouth immediately and her cheeks warm. “She was there wasn’t she? When you came out, she was the woman you were with.”

Sydney shakes her head. “I wasn’t _with_ her,” she says softly. Sydney feels her heart tighten in her chest at the quiet judgement in her sister’s voice. “She didn’t have anything to do with how I felt. I was tired of living my life the way I was. I was tired of lying to everyone, including myself.” Sydney sees the guilt in her sister’s eyes and gently caresses her cheek to comfort her. She shares a small smile, understanding that it wasn’t like Rebecca had a choice.

Rebecca senses the strength in her sister’s voice and stares in awe. “I’m sorry, just after today...I thought--”

Sydney furrows her brows in confusion. What was her sister saying?

“The way you look at each other...I thought you were _together_ ,” she adds softly. 

Sydney raises her eyebrows in shock as her mouth drops open with a silent, “Oh.” Her and Maggie together. The idea warms her cheeks instantly, no doubt they’re visibly pink already. She shakes her head quickly out of her reverie. “We aren’t--she and I--” She stumbles over her words. “We are just friends.” 

Rebecca stares at her sister curiously. Sydney was always composed and focused. She could get passionate, but she’s never been embarrassed by that.

Sydney can tell by the way her sister stares at her that she’s about to say something that is completely inaccurate about the nature of her and Maggie’s relationship--friendship. Her heart pounds in her chest. “You should rest,” Sydney settles on. “It’s been a long day. I’ll come check on you tomorrow. Mom and dad are coming to see you now.” 

Sydney kisses her sister on her forehead before leaving the room with quiet goodbyes. She can tell Rebecca is staring intently as she leaves, but Sydney can’t bear to talk to her sister about Maggie anymore than she’s already tried to process on her own. 


	17. xvii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie takes sydney back to her place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this awhile back like this part had been sitting in my docs like the bane of my existence which is why i update so slowly but i hope you like it! its like FINALLY THE MOMENT YALL BEEN WAITING FOR
> 
> also this is like 20% story....80% smut...sorry for the difference but its also why im posting this with ch16

They grab dinner on the way back to Maggie’s place and catch up on what’s been going on in the meantime with work. It feels so superficial but Maggie isn’t bothered by it if Sydney isn’t. Maggie doesn’t know if she’s ready to talk about **them**. Because even though she wanted to broach the subject a few days ago, it was still painfully obvious that they were an ocean apart. 

Sydney is checking her tablet when Maggie comes out of her room with extra sheets. 

“You still have work to do at a time like this?” Maggie asks as she approaches.

Sydney tilts her head back to look at Maggie. “Just checking into my flight,” she informs with a small smile. She furtively closes her tablet and places it in her bag before getting up. 

“You’re leaving…” Maggie tries to smile even though her heart tightens inside of her. 

“Tomorrow,” Sydney nods as she walks towards Maggie. 

“Are you sure you can’t stay?” _We’ve only just seen each other._

Sydney looks down between them sadly before shaking her head. “I wanted to make sure that Rebecca was in good hands and she is. Besides, you saw my parents, it’s best if I go. I still have a lot of work to do in London anyway.” 

Maggie unconsciously hugs the sheets closer to her chest. The news makes her immensely sad and she hates the way it sits inside of her. She swallows thickly. “Right, important doctor stuff to do,” she tries to joke. 

“As if you aren’t important here,” Sydney jokes back in return as her hands find Maggie’s upper arms. “You’re a great doctor here, Maggie. A lot of people look up to you now.” She stares up at Maggie with a thoughtful look on her face. Maggie feels warm at her touch and proximity. 

“ _You_ kind of have to look up to me,” Maggie returns playfully. Sydney scoffs and rolls her eyes at Maggie before taking the sheets. “What’re you doing?” 

“Taking the sheets for the couch?” Sydney answers in confusion.

Maggie tugs the sheets back to her chest, turning away from Sydney’s grasp. “These are for me,” she informs. “You can have my bed.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not going to kick you out of your bed.” 

“You’re not sleeping on my couch. You had a long flight, you deserve to be comfortable.” 

Sydney shakes her head. “No, I couldn’t, Maggie. I’ll be fine.” 

“You’re my guest, Syd,” Maggie declares. “I’m **not** going to let you sleep on the couch.” 

Sydney sighs, not wanting to argue with Maggie. She walks towards Maggie’s bedroom, peering in before looking back at Maggie. She bites her lip as she turns back to Maggie. “Your bed is big enough for the both of us. We can share.” 

Maggie raises an eyebrow at Sydney. 

The action is more than enough for Sydney to turn red. “We’re adults. We can sleep together.” Her eyes widen at her words. “You know what I mean.” 

“Sleep together?” Maggie playfully flirts. 

Sydney throws up her hands before walking into Maggie’s room. She’s grumbling something to the effect of Maggie being childish. 

Maggie laughs to herself before following Sydney. They could share a bed together. It sure beat the couch. It was never Maggie’s favorite purchase either, it was a second hand couch that had lumps in weird places. Besides, they were adults, friends, they could share a bed easily. 

Except when it was apparent to Maggie that sleeping next to Sydney was a lot more difficult than she thought.

They’d share a bed before, briefly after they’d slept together. Sydney had been lying next to her, naked, trying to catch her breath. Maggie remembers it vividly, the way Sydney looked was beautiful. She’d been trying to catch her breath too because she’d been surprised how enthusiastic they’d been with each other. There was no real chance of getting up for a little bit. 

_ Maggie had closed her eyes briefly, feeling the exhaustion of her worked body, when she felt Sydney shift next to her. She glanced over to see Sydney, biting her lip shyly contemplating her move as she looked at Maggie.  _

_ “I--I don’t think I can get up yet,” Sydney whispered, throat hoarse from her gasps and moans earlier. Maggie raised an eyebrow. “Can you hand me my scrub top?”  _

_ Maggie reached blindly off the bed for some clothes, too lazy to move herself. She picked up something by the pocket and handed it to Sydney. “Sorry, it’s mine. I think yours is somewhere far away.”  _

_Sydney bit her lip again before quietly thanking Maggie. She pulled Maggie’s scrub top over her head before turning over to face the wall. Maggie laughed quietly to herself before closing her eyes again._

Neither of them said a thing when they woke up an hour later with Sydney’s arm thrown around Maggie’s waist. 

Now, Maggie can feel Sydney’s presence more intensely because she knows that the way her heart beats near Sydney means something. She feels happier around Sydney, lighter, like everything fits together. Everything makes sense when she’s with Sydney. In brief moments, Maggie doesn’t feel the need to deconstruct how she feels, she just does. 

Maggie turns on her side, just to take a look at Sydney. Because it’s been years since she’s been in the presence of her mentor. It feels like she needs to soak in Sydney’s presence because who knows when they’ll be in each other’s space once more after tonight. 

Sydney feels Maggie’s eyes on her and she turns her head to look at Maggie. She’s fully awake. “You okay?” she asks, exhausted. 

Maggie tucks her hands underneath her head and nods. “It’s just weird having you here. You’re actually here, in Toronto, in my bed.” 

Sydney groans, moving to get up. “I can sleep on the couch.” 

Maggie reaches out to grab Sydney’s wrist. Sydney pauses and stares at Maggie’s hand on her before looking at Maggie. “I didn’t mean it was weird in a bad way,” Maggie admits. “It’s just been so long since we’ve been in the same place and it makes me feel things.” She bites her lip, hoping that Sydney won’t take it the wrong way. The last thing she wants is for Sydney to feel uncomfortable on account of her feelings. 

Sydney lies back down on her side to face Maggie. She laces their fingers before bringing it up between them. Her other hand comes up to trace the back of Maggie’s hand in hers. 

There’s a subtle shock of electricity that creeps through Maggie’s limbs as Sydney touches her. 

“What things do you feel?” Sydney asks carefully as she looks up at Maggie. 

Maggie bites her lip. Her heart still pounds inside of her. “I’m not sure. It feels like--” Suffocating? Strangling? Longing? 

“The other day, when you called, you said you were trying to process things,” Sydney states suddenly. “Did you want to talk about that?” 

Maggie debates it. Sydney is going to leave tomorrow, would it even matter? Yet, staring at Sydney right before her and thinking about how far they’ve come, how far she's come, maybe it was worth it. Maggie hasn't been afraid of going for something she's wanted before, she shouldn't be now.

“I have a question,” Maggie starts and Sydney looks up at her earnestly. “Why did you do it? Why did you recommend me to your colleagues? I mean I could understand Cleveland because you hadn’t been gone for too long, but Dr. Montgomery and basically the Boston consortium were very….distant.”

Sydney looks at their entangled hands before biting her lip. She shyly looks up at Maggie and her voice drops to a whisper, “I was never really good at goodbyes. There’s just something so cumbersome about saying goodbye because it meant I was leaving something behind. Admittingly, leaving _someone_ behind. It took me a while to realize it. When I left Toronto, I thought about you everyday.” There’s a small breath she releases at the admission. 

Maggie’s eyes widen as the corner of her lips curl into a smile. There are butterflies in her chest as she stares at Sydney. “I thought about you too,” she admits.

Sydney smiles at this and reaches for Maggie’s cheek. Her warm hand caressing Maggie gently before she leans in and places a kiss on her lips. 

Maggie takes a moment because the kiss is both expected and unexpected. It feels like the first time Sydney kissed her, sudden and determined. There’s less of a shock to this because Maggie feels like it’s what she’s wanted for a long time now. She doesn’t waste another second to cup Sydney’s cheek, pulling her in closer, deepening the kiss as they close the gap between their bodies. 

Sydney quietly moans into the kiss as her hand slides down Maggie’s side, seeking purchase at her waist. She daringly slips her hand underneath Maggie’s thin tank top. 

Maggie smiles unconsciously at the touch, feeling her heart soar inside of her. She slips her hand down to Sydney’s slim waist and gently coaxes her on top. There’s a small gasp as their legs slot between one another and Sydney readjusts herself to straddle Maggie’s thigh. Sydney breaks the kiss suddenly, sitting back on her calves as she stares at Maggie, biting her lip. 

“Do you want to stop?” Maggie asks raspily, hands finding its way to Sydney’s waist comfortingly. 

Sydney stares at Maggie with focus through the dark room. The city lights filtered in by the shades are no match for the way Sydney’s eyes burn with passion. There’s a small smile on Sydney’s face as she shakes her head. Her hands slip underneath Maggie’s to grasp the hem of her shirt. In one swift motion, she pulls off her shirt to reveal her pert breasts and creamy skin and ducks back down to capture Maggie’s lips. 

Maggie returns the kiss eagerly. Her hands slide up Sydney’s smooth back before grasping her waist and cupping her breasts, fitting perfectly in the palms of her hand. The urge to touch Sydney everywhere becomes pertinent. The longing that Maggie’s held onto inside is lit by Sydney’s very real presence and evolving into her deep desire to have Sydney, to feel her, to be with her. 

Sydney lets out a quiet moan as Maggie massages her breast until her nipples harden. Maggie groans at the way Sydney’s body responds to her and pushes back against the smaller woman until she’s on her back. This time Sydney gasps as Maggie knee comes up between her legs, rubbing the thin fabric of her pajamas against her. Maggie breaks their kissing as she caresses both breasts, flicking her thumb across Sydney’s pebbled nipples. She moves lower, grasping at Sydney’s body and dropping kisses between the valley of her breasts down her stomach. 

“M-aggie--” Sydney gasps as she throws her head back into the pillow. Her hips jerk upward to Maggie’s lips. 

Maggie smiles as the goosebumps rise across Sydney’s body. Her own arousal is very evident as her shorts become damp with wetness, but Maggie is determined to have Sydney first. She wants Sydney to feel good.

She gently tugs at Sydney’s pants with her underwear, peeling them down her legs achingly slow. As much as Maggie wants to take Sydney fast and hard, this feeling has been simmering inside of her for so long. She wants to take her time for as long as she can. 

Maggie throws the clothing somewhere in her room and watches as Sydney brings her thighs together, rubbing them together to relieve some pressure. She places her hands on Sydney’s knees, encouraging them to spread. Maggie bites her lip. She watches Sydney cover her face with her hands, either to hide the embarrassment of baring her painful arousal or to suppress her wanton moans. 

It doesn’t make a difference because Sydney lifts her hip subtly for Maggie. Maggie kisses the inside of her thighs, feeling them quiver underneath her lips as she moves closer towards Sydney’s wet folds. 

“Sydney,” Maggie whispers hotly against her wetness. “ _Syd_ , look at me.” She rubs Sydney’s knees encouragingly until the redhead makes eye contact with her.  

Sydney picks up her head, looking surprisingly apprehensive. 

“We can stop if you want,” Maggie breathes out carefully. They’d only just seen each other for the first time in years, it makes sense for Sydney to be apprehensive. Maggie also feels an inkling of fear through her arousal. 

Sydney props herself up on her elbows and immediately protests, “No, Maggie, I don’t want to stop. I’m just--it’s been awhile since--” 

“Since you’ve had sex?” Maggie finishes curiously.

Sydney’s whole body blushes. “Since _we’ve_ …”

Maggie smiles at the uncertainty in Sydney’s voice. It’s evident she’s nervous because it’s them. “I feel the same,” Maggie levels with Sydney, reaching for her hand. Sydney reaches out to grasp Maggie’s hand and Maggie squeezes it encouragingly. “Let me take care of you and show you how happy I am that you’re here.” She drops another kiss on the inside of Sydney’s knee. Sydney sucks in her breath and nods. “Just tell me if you want me to stop.” 

Sydney bites her lip. Maggie swallows at how unconsciously seductive the younger doctor is. 

Maggie ducks her head without hesitation and broadly licks Sydney’s wet entrance. Sydney full body shivers at the single lick to Maggie’s delight and it spurs her to continue. Enthusiastically. She drinks up Sydney like she’s parched and licks Sydney like she’s savoring every taste. Sydney’s scent is still heady like Maggie remembers it to be, but she tastes a lot sweeter than before. Maggie dips her tongue inside Sydney, tentatively at first, listening for the breathy moans before darting her tongue in and out, knowing how much Sydney likes it. Her finger comes up to rub Sydney’s engorged nub and immediately, Sydney cries out and tightens her grip on Maggie’s hand before reaching, tangling her fingers in Maggie’s hair, encouraging her to continue. 

Maggie moans at the way Sydney’s nails scratch her scalp and swaps her fingers for her mouth. She sucks hard at Sydney’s clit to feel her hair being tugged just a bit harder. 

Sydney moans her name in a dreamy mantra, begging for her to continue. 

Maggie slips two fingers inside Sydney’s hot heat and uses her hand to push at Sydney’s thigh to give her deeper access. Sydney’s back arches off the bed and her hand tightens in Maggie’s hair, tugging hard until Maggie hisses. 

“Don’t stop-- _don’t stop_ \--” Sydney gasps out, rolling her hips against Maggie’s fingers. 

Maggie doesn’t intend to stop, not with the way Sydney’s walls clench around her fingers and thighs shiver beside her. She wants Sydney more than she realizes, more than the dampness between her legs can express. Maggie wants to come with Sydney, just shoving her hand into her own shorts and rub herself as she curls her fingers inside Sydney, but she doesn’t. She wants Sydney to come first, she wants to make her come. 

“Maggie,” Sydney groans out as she uses both hands to tug Maggie up. Maggie meets her halfway and Sydney’s lips are on hers, kissing her desperately because she wants her closer. She holds Maggie’s face in her hands until Maggie is hovering over her, settling between her legs. “I want more.” 

Her hot raspy voice against Maggie causes her to accidentally bite Sydney’s lip to elicit a hiss and she quickly licks it as an apology. Maggie doesn’t forget though, immediately she pushes a third finger in Sydney and feels Sydney’s whole body seize, her walls clamping around her fingers. Maggie slowly pumps them, letting Sydney ride her orgasm for as long as she can. Sydney throws her arms around Maggie’s shoulders to hug her tightly as she utters Maggie’s name over and over. 

Maggie drops kisses on Sydney’s gasping lips before burying her head into her neck, nuzzling her comfortably until Sydney’s grasp on her loosens. She smiles into Sydney’s neck as she comes down from her orgasm. 

Maggie feels sated in Sydney’s arms at the moment. Everything she’s wanted suddenly feels like they’ve fallen into place. 

“Maggie,” Sydney grunts adorably under her weight. Maggie picks up her head with a proud smile on her face. Sydney returns the smile, stroking her hair aside before kissing her. 

Sydney doesn’t say anything else as she slips her hand between them into Maggie’s shorts. Maggie gasps, feeling extremely sensitive to Sydney’s slim fingers dancing between her folds. She curls into the smaller woman, wanting more of her touch. 

Sydney rolls Maggie onto her back quickly. 

There’s no shedding of Maggie’s clothes or paced foreplay to excite Maggie. Sydney knows how close Maggie is from the way her nipples peek underneath the thin fabric down to her drenched shorts. It surprises Maggie when Sydney unceremoniously pushes her shorts to her knees and straddles her leg again. This time Sydney slides against Maggie’s thigh with her come and Maggie bites her lip hard as her hands find Sydney’s hips again. 

Sydney presses at Maggie’s clit with two fingers before sliding them down between her folds, gathering all the wetness that’s been pooling there. Maggie trembles at touches and returns the favor by caressing Sydney’s waist before cupping her ass. Sydney’s jaw clenches as she tries to remain focused even though Maggie starts to guide her hips to move against her thigh. 

Maggie smirks as she tries to get Sydney off on her thigh. “Syd, I want you inside,” she says frankly through her low pants. 

Sydney pushes a single finger inside of Maggie, pumping it quickly and curling it. It’s not enough for Maggie to come, but she’s a mess all the same, squeezing her walls around Sydney’s single digit desperately. 

“More,” Maggie gasps out as she encourages Sydney’s hips to keep grinding down on her thigh. Sydney complies quickly, pushing two fingers inside Maggie before stretching her. Maggie feels herself dripping down to her thighs as she starts humping Sydney’s fingers. 

The urge to hold onto Sydney cuts deep inside of her. Maggie reaches up to grasp the back of Sydney’s neck to pull her down into a kiss. Sydney’s fingers twist inside of her and she’s moaning loudly into Sydney’s mouth as they continue to rut against each other. 

Maggie’s head starts to spin because Sydney’s scent is stronger now. She can smell their sex and sweat all around her and she takes it in deeply, trying to commit it to memory. Sydney kisses and nips at her neck. It takes her a moment to find a sensitive spot at the juncture of her shoulder before Maggie’s eyes roll back and she sucks it harder than Maggie expects. Her walls are shivering around Sydney’s fingers, the coils in her stomach tighten even harder. 

“Syd-- _fu_ \--I’m close,” Maggie pants as they keep moving against each other. 

Sydney hums against her neck, sucking just a bit harder. Her thumb presses against her clit and she rubs roughly that Maggie jerks to the touch. Maggie gasps in air as she feels the orgasm wash over her and she pulls Sydney impossibly closer, unwilling to let go for any reason as she comes. Sydney comes again on her thigh, biting hard into her shoulder as a new wave of juices slick their thighs. 

Sydney falls beside Maggie into the pillows, trying to catch her breath. Maggie does the same beside her. For a brief moment, they look at each other and share tired smiles. Sydney’s eyes start to droop and she throws her arm around Maggie’s waist, holding her close. Maggie turns on her side, ignoring the growing soreness between her legs, to throw an arm around Sydney as well. 

Maggie falls asleep more satisfied than she’s been in a long time. 


	18. xviii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> morning interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'll try to post Tuesdays and Thursdays for this fic until it's done :D

When Maggie wakes up, the first thing that registers in her mind is that she is half naked. The second thing is how warm the bed is. In fact, she is so warm, that she’s kicked off the sheets to replace it with a naked Sydney sized blanket. She glances at the clock furtively and sees that it is just turning 6am. Mentally calculating the time difference, Maggie realizes that Sydney must be exhausted from the travel. 

Maggie looks at the woman lying on her chest, arm thrown around her waist comfortably. She strokes Sydney’s red hair gently, thumb running across her cheekbone. It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 3 years since they’ve seen each other in person because of how different Sydney looks. She doesn’t mean just the way the younger woman’s matured and reveals her gorgeous figure. Maggie thinks about how free Sydney looks. 

There’s a levity in Sydney’s demeanor even as she sleeps. Maggie suppresses a smile trying to think of Sydney three years ago, wondering if she slept with a permanent scowl on her face. Now she’s restful, innocent almost. 

Maggie doesn’t want this feeling to end. The fluttering in her chest and the tingling in her limbs as she holds onto Sydney. She feels like she’s never wanted anything more in her life with how complete she feels. 

Reality has a way of ruining things though. Maggie’s heart tightens in her chest knowing that Sydney says she’s supposed to be boarding a flight back to England today. 

Maggie pulls Sydney impossibly closer until the smaller woman is practically on top of her. 

This rouses Sydney easily. 

“Maggie?” Sydney moans out quietly as she rubs her eyes. She picks up her head to look at Maggie. 

Maggie shares a playful smile on her face as she cups Sydney’s cheek. “Go back to sleep,” she whispers back. 

Sydney shivers slightly as she shift to lie beside Maggie, pressing her cheek against Maggie’s. 

Maggie holds Sydney closer in response, running her hands up and down Sydney’s naked body to warm her up a little. 

Sydney moans at the touches. “Maggie…” 

Maggie bites her lip at how Sydney sounds. She looks at the edge of the bed for the sheet. With as little movement as possible, she kicks the sheet up to them. Sydney quietly fusses at the movement that has Maggie smiling until they’re wrapped up under the sheet. Maggie pulls her closer, until she unintentionally slots her thigh between Sydney’s legs. 

Sydney’s eyes open and her hands fly to Maggie’s shoulder. “If you keep moving, Maggie, it’s going to be difficult for either of us to get out of bed today,” she bites her lip before kissing the corner of Maggie’s lips.

Maggie smiles against Sydney before turning her head just enough to capture her lips. 

At least for now, she can have Sydney like this: in her arms, lazily having sex early in the morning. 


	19. xix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie is late to work for the first time in three years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my note on the last one was kind of lame i was super tired BUT thank you to my readers and the comments ive been getting i know i dont respond to them but i just wanted to say i do read them and they inspire me all the time im glad youre enjoying the story and the progression
> 
> i know i said i finished writing this but i hope that you dont get the sense that the story will end anytime in the next couple of chapters because there's still alot more maggie and sydney have to build and reality is actually a bitch

The break room is teeming with people this morning even though Maggie was hoping to escape the volume of people. There wasn’t even that many but just enough to have stares at her as she walks in. She glances at her watch, knowing that she isn’t _noticeably_ late. 

Zach knows though as he hovers near the coffeemaker with Jackson. He nods in her direction with a salacious smile. 

“Dr. Lin,” Jackson greets slyly, with a cheeky smile like Zach’s, “nice of you to finally join us.” 

Maggie rolls her eyes as she waves them aside so she can get some caffeine. “You guys are being weird,” she mutters even though her neck is starting to warm. She knows what they’re waiting for. These **gossips**.

“Jackson, don’t you think it’s odd how in the first time in three years Dr. Lin is _late_?” Zach annoyingly points out.

“You’re right, Zach,” Jackson chirps along, “Dr. Lin is usually very on time. I mean, especially because she usually sleeps at the hospital. I hear her couch is very comfortable.” 

“But, I mean her bed must’ve been a hell of a lot warmer last night,” Zach interjects. This time Maggie feels the heat rush to her face. “She must’ve been _very_ thankful last night.”

Maggie’s eyes widen comically as she stares at both men incredulously. “It wasn't like that!” she practically yells, catching the attention of some of the residents. 

Zach smirks and raises his eyebrows at her. “But it was something,” he counters smartly.

She feels sheepish under the stares as she lowers her voice. “We shared a bed--” There’s a sense of joy bubbling inside of her that she can’t hold back. “It’s nothing, we’re friends--”

Jackson looks at Zach curiously. “I’ve never just shared a bed with my lady friends.” Zach hums thoughtfully and both of them look to Maggie for elaboration. 

Maggie just blushes, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her.

Alex suddenly appears behind Maggie. “Oh hey, you’re here,” she greets breaking up the little crowd to get her own coffee. “I didn’t think you were coming in today.” 

“Why wouldn’t I come in today?” Maggie asks in confusion. 

Alex wiggles her eyebrows at Maggie. “Dr. Katz is here, I thought you’d want to spend some quality time together,” she teases. 

Maggie rolls her eyes. “This is ridiculous.” 

Alex narrows her eyes with a smile on her face. “Says the hickey on your neck,” she blatantly points out causing Jackson and Zach to laugh out loud. 

“You’re bluffing,” Maggie shoots back carefully. She remembers Sydney kissing her neck while they were in bed- _ **ahem**_. 

“Sure, Mags,” Alex casually responds as she links arms with Maggie. She reaches for her phone and turns on the camera for Maggie to see. 

There it is a dark mark at the base of her neck that barely peeks out of her scrub top. Maggie’s eyes widen and she shifts her neck to see a trail disappear into her top. This time, she feels her whole body blush. 

“You guys are the worst,” Maggie grumbles as she pushes Alex’s phone to close. 

“I think that’s 40, Alex,” Zach informs as he holds out his hand. 

“I missed out on this?” Jackson grumbles as he slaps Zach’s shoulder. “You couldn’t have told me?”

Alex glares at him before, pulling out 40 dollars from her pocket. “Spend it wisely,” she points maternally at Zach, who throws his arm around Jackson’s shoulder. She goes back to Maggie and ushers her out of her break room, arms still linked. 

“Wait, where are you going?” Zach asks suddenly. “We want to know what happened!” 

“Girl talk!” Alex yells back as they keep going. 

Maggie throws her head back petulantly as she’s led away by Alex. “I can’t believe this is happening,” Maggie mumbles to herself. “I feel like I’m in high school again and everyone found out that I had sex with Jefferson Marks in the parking lot.”

Alex tilts her head with interest at Maggie’s comment before letting out a laugh. “Did you really think you could hide this from us? We saw you come in together.”

“She did stay over.” 

“We know that,” Alex reminds before letting a beat pass. “How was Sydney sleeping over?” She adds suggestively. 

Maggie blushes. “It was good...nice,” she admits softly, thinking of Sydney easily. 

“So what does that mean? Are you guys a thing? Is she staying?” Alex asks curiously. 

At this, the reality of the situation hits Maggie and not in the good way either. Because they should’ve talked about it this morning. Maggie should’ve pushed herself a bit harder to ask Sydney what it all meant. It was clear they had an attraction to each other, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other after they woke up. Sydney clearly had some feelings for Maggie, she wouldn’t just sleep with Maggie. 

They were just distracted by each other. The way they looked at each other changed dramatically because now they can feel the electricity between them more intensely. It was the base attraction that they were more willing to give into now that they could satisfy it. 

The truth is that Maggie doesn’t want it to stop. She knows that when Sydney comes in for a kiss, she wants to keep kissing her and holding her. It all makes sense when Sydney’s there, like she’s complete.

Maggie is lost in thought until Alex stares at her more intently. 

“Mags?” 

Maggie cups her mug between her hands as she bites her lip. “I don’t know. We didn’t really talk, we’ve just been busy...not talking” Alex gives her a look. “I didn’t know I was going to see her this soon! Just last week, I was processing all these feelings about being with someone I actually want to be with and all I could think of was Sydney. When she showed up yesterday it felt great, but knowing she’s leaving today? Not so great.”

“She’s leaving today?” Alex asks in shock. “She just got here.” 

Maggie nods. “She wanted to make sure her sister was taken care of and she still has work to do in London.” She grabs onto Alex’s hand unconsciously as the thought of Sydney leaving becomes more real. 

Alex holds her hand encouragingly. “Let her know what you want, Maggie.”


	20. xx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie lays it down with sydney's parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who says you can't have a pseudo fake dating trope in the middle of a pining/longing romance story???
> 
> also me: "maggie no"  
> maggie: "maggie yes"

It feels like a long day as Maggie makes her way through the hospital. It’s the underlying dread that she’s going to have to confront Sydney about her feelings. And the terrifying realization that Sydney has to talk about her feelings as well. Because they’re already on two different continents, living in two different worlds, being two different people, it’s highly improbable that they’d be on the same page. 

Long distance never works. Maggie was sure of it because there’s never a guy that she’d like enough to make it work. If he didn’t fit in her life or wasn’t what she wanted, she knew better than to string him along. 

However, this is Sydney. 

Sydney isn’t anyone she’s ever dated before. She’s not just a guy that she doesn’t have strong feelings for. Sydney is so much more than that. 

Maggie thinks about how often Sydney lingers in her mind, like a ghosting imprint. In the evenings when she’s completely alone, she has thoughts of Sydney keeping her busy. It was the idea that a strong and independent woman like Sydney could forgo being in love with someone for her career and her religion, but then transforming into a woman who wanted to be someone more for herself. It brings comfort throughout the day because Maggie has that same drive and passion. 

“You should not be here,” the sound of Mr. Katz’s voice is clear and cutting. He’s so cold, Maggie can tell not even being in the room. 

“I'm just leaving,” Sydney grits as a chair squeaks against the floor. 

“Dad, Sydney helped--” 

“No, Becca, she did nothing but hurt our family,” Mrs. Katz argues quickly without a second thought. “She’s brought this suffering to us because of her...lifestyle.” 

Maggie twitches as she gets closer to the door. At least they should shut the door for some privacy, but clearly the Katz have no problem with letting everyone know how they felt about Sydney. 

“Mom, she’s still Sydney,” Becca weakly argues. 

“It’s fine, Becca,” Sydney quickly hushes her sister.

“It’s good that you know your place,” Mr. Katz goes on. Maggie feels her fist clench at her side. “Because our family has no place for you to lie to us and hurt us for--”

“For what? Being who I am?” Sydney shoots back. “I shouldn’t have had to lie to you about how I truly feel about myself or about how I feel about women. I’ve worked so hard to make you proud of me and it never seems to be enough if my life isn’t controlled by our religion. Well, I’m sorry, but I refuse to be a part of something I don’t believe in.”

Maggie’s eyes widen at the fire in Sydney’s voice. The passion she’s only ever heard reserved for defending her patients is clear as day now. Sydney’s mother gasps. Maggie can only imagine the look on Mr. Katz’s face. There's a small smile on her face because Sydney is defending herself. She couldn't be prouder.

Maggie takes this opportunity to step into the doorway. Becca and Sydney immediately turn their attention to her before Mr. and Mrs. Katz turns to look at her as well.

“I’m just here to check on Becca,” Maggie says as she steps into the room. 

Mr. Katz shoots her an icy glare. 

“I’m sorry is there a problem?” Maggie asks at his hard stare. 

Mr. Katz clenches his jaw before glancing away from Maggie, vaguely towards Sydney. “I would like to request a new OB. I do not want you anywhere near my daughters.” 

“Dad!” Becca exclaims, her face turning red.

Maggie crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows. “May I ask why?” she tries to be polite. 

Mr. Katz clears his throat. “You’ve done enough to my family,” he grits out, holding back a growl. 

“Abba!” Sydney yells this time, rounding to stand between Maggie and her father. “You can say what you want about me, but Maggie is a great doctor. She has done nothing but help Becca.” 

Mr. Katz grunts. “Of course she is,” he hisses. “And I’m sure she’s _helped_ you as well.” 

Maggie feels the heat rush to her face, not out of embarrassment for the fact that Mr. Katz can surmise something between her and his daughter, but the fact that he was completely out of line. She wants to say a lot of things to him but she knows that’d only get her reprimanded by Dawn, which she doesn’t need right now. But she has to do something. Anything she can think of to make the Katz realize that they were the ones doing wrong.

Maggie reaches for Sydney’s hand to stop her from arguing. Sydney’s eyes shoot to their hands and she tries to let go but Maggie laces their fingers and holds on tight. Maggie refuses to let him win. 

“Mr. Katz,” Maggie begins alarmingly calmly. “I understand how you feel about this situation, but I feel compelled to tell you that currently as the only staff OB in the hospital, your daughter is receiving the best level of care.” She turns to look at Becca. “Has our relationship made you feel uncomfortable in any capacity?” 

Becca lies in her bed with wide eyes, very reminiscent of her older sister. “No, not at all,” she says barely above a whisper. Her eyes shoot to Sydney for confirmation. 

“Would you like me to reassign your case to another OB?” Maggie asks. She can feel Sydney’s body grow hotter next to her. 

Becca shakes her head instantly. “You saved me and my baby.”

Maggie looks between Mr. Katz and Mrs. Katz. “Your daughter has made a sound decision concerning her level of care. If you will please step out of the room, I’d like to examine my patient.” 

Mr. Katz’s face practically turns blue at the way Maggie regards him. “You have no right to talk to me like this,” he growls at her. 

Maggie stays calm because Sydney is standing impossibly closer now, rubbing her upper arm to get her to either stop or run away. She does neither. “If you’d like to lodge a complaint, please feel free to find Dr. Bell on the fifth floor. Now if you’d excuse me.” 

Mr. Katz looks like he’s about to argue again when Becca finally speaks up, “Dad, _please_ just go.” 

Mr. Katz huffs and starts angrily storming out of the room with Mrs. Katz following him quickly. 

Then, Sydney is starting to follow him and Maggie doesn’t think, she just acts. She grabs tightly onto Sydney’s hand pulling her back into her space and her hand is cupping Sydney’s cheek as she plants a firm kiss on Sydney’s lips. Sydney doesn’t kiss her back but she gently cups Maggie’s face in return before pulling away, cheeks redder than before. 

Her eyes are wide with bewilderment. “Maggie…” she breathes out quickly before glancing at her parents in the doorway. 

“I’ll see you soon,” Maggie says gently to Sydney, pushing her hair behind her ear affectionately, before glancing at the Katz as well. There’s a small smile at the corner of her lips at how furious Sydney’s father looks. “I’ll let you know when I’m done here.” 

Sydney licks her lips, looking abashed as she glances to her sister, who is staring slack jawed at them. “I’ll stop by before I leave for the airport.” 

Becca’s shuts her mouth before nodding. 

Sydney looks back at Maggie and it makes her just want to kiss Sydney again. She almost does, but she thinks she’s done enough damage for the day. No doubt Mr. Katz is already on his way to Dawn’s office. 

“I’m going to find Dawn and explain the situation to her,” Sydney says quickly, not without glancing at her lips. 

Maggie nods as she stares at Sydney’s lips. “Okay,” she says softly, imperceptibly leaning in. Sydney stands straight before biting her lips. Maggie smiles at this. Definitely enough PDA for the day. 

Sydney starts to move again when Maggie feels a tug of her hand. Of course they hadn’t let go of each other just yet. Maggie sheepishly grins as Sydney blushes even harder before. She quickly steps out of Maggie’s space and finds her way out the door. Not without sending a second glance over her shoulder to Maggie. 

Maggie lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding before turning to Becca. _Oh god, that was not professional._ Is the first thought that comes to mind. 

“She said you weren’t together,” Becca says almost bitterly, but she glances at the door before looking at Maggie again, “but clearly she was hiding something.”

Maggie’s eyes widen. “She’s not---I’m sorry--”

Becca shakes her head. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. You’ve done more for her than I could have ever had the courage to do. Thank you,” she says very gratefully. 

This eases Maggie’s anxiety just briefly because as they say, hindsight is 20/20. 

Maggie swallows thickly. “I’d do anything for her,” she admits through her anxiety. 

Becca looks at her curiously. “Don’t hurt her.” 

“I don’t intend to.” Maggie says it but now she’s just worried. She thought it was a good idea at the time, but she didn’t even think about how this would affect Sydney. What if she just made it worse? What was she thinking admitting to a relationship that they clearly don’t have? Sydney didn’t even kiss her back. 


	21. xxi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sydney takes a moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have i ever written any of these chapters from Sydney's perspective???

Sydney wrings her fingers as she waits for Dr. Bell to finish with her parents. She hates that she can’t talk sense into her parents. The feeling that they can’t even see her as their daughter anymore makes her feel even worse. 

She takes a deep breathe as she tries to be patient. Unfortunately, patience has never been her strong suit. 

There’s been multiple times that Sydney’s felt restless. When the longing in her heart grows too overwhelming for her to stay in her home, Sydney finds herself at the airport. It’s irrational and impulsive, but she does it anyway against her better judgment. She doesn’t buy an airplane ticket and take the first flight out every time an opportunity comes by, but she stares at the boards. 

All of her work and how far she’s come, but she keeps looking back at the boards for flights that say Toronto, ON. Most of the time, she looks for flights for when they leave from London. She thinks about getting on one, making her way back to where she truly longs to be. On the rarest occasion, Sydney finds herself looking at the inbound flights, wondering when the one from Toronto would arrive.

So much has changed for her in more ways that one. Ever since she met Maggie, it’s like her whole life has changed for the better. She had always been sure of her ability as a doctor, but Maggie opened her eyes to being a more compassionate and empathetic doctor. She couldn’t work off of her passion any longer, when clearly there was more that she could do for her patients on a spiritual and emotional level. Maggie herself was awe-inspiring to Sydney because there was this verve and passion that they both had for their profession, but Maggie exuded it in all aspects of her life. Sydney was jealous that Maggie could be so open and sure about herself but Sydney’s learned from that. Now she feels more sure of herself than she’s ever felt in her life. 

It’s why she couldn’t stop thinking about Maggie. Maggie was a brilliant and talented OB. She had hands in all kinds of surgeries that Sydney’s long since left behind since choosing her specialty. But she was so much more than that to Sydney. 

No one could compare to Maggie in the OR and in her life. 

It’s very rare for Sydney to feel regret in the choices she’s made but Maggie is the only almost she constantly thinks about. She’d wondered if they could’ve been friends if she said goodbye. She wondered what their relationship would’ve been like if they kept in contact after she left Cleveland. But most of all, she wondered if they could’ve been together if she just asked her. 

Sydney couldn’t deny their attraction to one another. It was clear to see that no matter how much they tried to be friends, they weren’t going to be _just_ friends. Sydney had always had a schoolgirl crush on Maggie after they’d first met. She never had a chance against Maggie. 

After last night, Sydney only feels the weight in her chest anchoring her to stay.

The door opens suddenly and Sydney turns her attention to see her father and mother with Dr. Bell trailing behind. Her father looks at her angrily, still red faced, and before she can even open her mouth, he brushes by her quickly, muttering for her mother to follow. Her mother walks out after him, not without shooting Sydney a disappointed look. 

“Dr. Katz, how nice to see you,” Dawn greets as she moves back into her office, already knowing what was going to happen. 

“Dr. Bell, I just wanted to come by and let you know that I was the one that encouraged my sister to seek Dr. Lin’s care,” Sydney informs quickly, “What my mother and father may have informed you about my relationship with Dr. Lin is nothing more than speculation. Dr. Lin has been nothing but professional in taking care of Becca.” 

Dawn sits back in her chair, staring at Sydney with a raised eyebrow. “Here I was about to congratulate you and Dr. Lin your relationship,” she says dryly as she stares. 

Sydney stares at Dawn in confusion because she’s never been able to read the woman’s demeanor. “Dr. Bell, I promise you that my relationship with Dr. Lin is not a conflict of interest in providing care to her patient. I sought Maggie out because of her trial study and hoped that she would be able to find a spot for Becca, when that became moot, I asked her to remain as Becca’s surgeon because I knew the quality of her work was incomparable to anyone else in this hospital.”

Dawn’s lips curl into a small smile. “Of course,” she agrees, again unreadable to Sydney, “you were her mentor.” 

Sydney blushes at the mention. She has a feeling that by the way Dawn is staring at her, Dawn just knows they were more than just mentor and mentee. 

Dawn doesn’t let Sydney settle on that thought too long, already moving on with, “Unless your parents lodge a formal complaint against Maggie, there’s not much that needs to be done. From what I hear, your sister is stable and clear to continue her chemo treatments after rest. The only thing I would suggest is that you can minimize public displays of affection, but this is a free country and you are both consenting adults.” There’s a small smirk on Dawn’s lips that makes Sydney blush. 

“We aren’t--”

“Dawn, I know you’re going to say something to me so I’d rather just get it over with now,” Maggie suddenly comes through the door in a huff before realizing Sydney is standing there. 

Sydney smiles as Maggie stops in her tracks with her wide eyes and button nose flared. She notices the darkening marks at the base of Maggie’s neck from earlier and quickly averts her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Maggie instantly apologizes, “I should’ve checked if someone was in here.” She pauses before looking at Sydney, continuing her quick ramble. “I actually was about to come find you after I talk to Dawn because I was going to bring you to the airport.” 

“It’s fine, Dr. Lin,” Dawn says casually. Sydney finds it odd for Dr. Bell to sound so relaxed and familiar with Maggie. Then again, she remembers that so much time has passed since she left Hope Zion, of course everyone’s changed just a bit. “I was suggesting to Dr. Katz that you two could be mindful of your PDA in front her parents especially to avoid a formal complaint in the future.” 

“Dawn…,” Maggie regards with an adorable blush. She glances at Sydney. 

Sydney stares like a deer in headlights before she realizes that Maggie is waiting for her to respond to this. She doesn’t know how though and she stares between the two women, wondering why she’s suddenly caught in the middle. Was it her decision to talk about what her relationship with Maggie was? All she could think was that she needed to talk to Maggie before anyone else about what they were. 

She has to admit she feels a little bit less confused about where she and Maggie are going with their relationship. Maggie coming to her defense and daringly kissing her in front of her parents says more than Maggie realizes. It isn’t just some facade and nothing about how they regard each other is simply friendly. She just need to let Maggie know.

Sydney squares her shoulders and nods in agreement, “Of course, Dr. Bell.” She looks at Maggie furtively. “Maggie and I have no problem being professional from now on.” 


	22. xxii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where could they go from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you think im a jerk for leaving you hanging last chapter? nah but this isnt the end of the story either so im also sorry? should i be sorry? wait yes i am don't be mad???

“Maggie and I have no problem being professional from now on,” Sydney says so confidently that Maggie feels her heart drop in her chest.  

_ Professional. Okay. Professional is good. Professional is fine. Professional is...a really terrible idea.  _

Maggie can’t do that. She can’t just be professional with Sydney. How could this happen? Just a few minutes ago, Maggie was so sure that Sydney would give them an opportunity to talk about what they were. 

Dawn nods for both of them to leave her office and now it’s just them. Maggie and Sydney walking side by side down the halls to her office. And Sydney is leaving.

“So is this it?” Maggie practically blurts out as she enters her office after Sydney. Sydney turns around, surprised. “Are we just saying goodbye and forgetting about what happened between us?” 

She can’t fight the frustration inside of her any longer, not with the way Sydney just seems so calm and serene about the whole situation. 

Sydney shakes her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. “No, Maggie,” she breathes out heavily. “We aren’t going to forget what happened between us.” She steps back into Maggie’s space and stares up into her eyes. 

“But what you said to Dawn, about us being professional,” Maggie points out, feels like she’s being petulant but it’s uncontrollable. “I thought we were more than that.”

“We _are_ ,” Sydney interjects quickly, putting her hands on Maggie’s upper arms, trying to soothe her. "We're a lot more."

Maggie feels her chest tighten because she really doesn’t want to ignore everything that’s happened between them. Everything is much more intense now that Sydney is there, the electricity between them is the attraction that brings them together. It’s much harder to ignore now. 

“Then why does it feel like we’re not on the same page?”

“Because we’re not.” 

Maggie frowns at this, ready to step out of Sydney’s grasp but Sydney holds on. 

“I thought this could wait,” Sydney sighs out as she glances at Maggie’s lips. There’s a small sardonic smile on her lips as she shakes her head. “Maggie, just listen to me okay?” 

Maggie isn’t sure what to expect anymore but she nods because she doesn’t know what more she can say. She wants to tell Sydney to stay here, be with her, and start their lives together finally. 

“From the moment I became a doctor, I knew that I always wanted to work at the very best hospitals. And I wouldn’t give that up, not for anyone,” she admits quietly. “It’s taken me to so many different places and so far from home. I’ve learned, changed, and grown from all of my experiences. But when I think about how I’ve become the person that I am today, I think of you. You’re the person that changed my life, you were there when I was too afraid to be truly happy with myself. You’re the only almost I think about.” 

“Then stay,” Maggie murmurs almost inaudibly. She doesn’t know what makes her say it, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that she wants Sydney there with her.

Sydney gives her a look that makes Maggie feel a bit sheepish. She smiles affectionately though, brushing aside a stray strand of hair from Maggie’s face. Honestly, Maggie hadn’t even noticed, she just thinks Sydney is making an excuse to touch her. Then Sydney leans in. 

Maggie’s heart flutters as their lips meet. Sydney’s soft lips press against hers and she’s kissing back automatically.  

Sydney pulls back with a deep sigh. “Maggie…,” she practically groans, “you make it very difficult for me to leave.”

“Then _stay_ ,” Maggie suggests with a little more courage. She knows she’s being selfish. She pulls Sydney into a hug to emphasize her point. 

“Maybe you should come with me,” Sydney suggests instead. 

Maggie groans and she feels Sydney laughing against her chest. “You have no idea how much I want to. When I was just a fellow, I kept wanting more, so I kept doing more and more. Then when I found out you were in London, you have no idea how many times I wanted to hop on a plane and go see you.” 

Sydney buries her face in Maggie’s neck. “I thought about coming back to Toronto too.”

“Why do we have to be so successful?” she complains to Sydney. She strokes the red locks comfortingly, breathing her in.

“Because that’s just who we are,” Sydney answers ruefully. Much to Maggie’s dismay because she’d already known the answer, she just doesn’t want to admit it. 

They stand there for a little longer, holding each other like it's the last time they're going to do that. It hurts to think that they'll be apart, but if it were any other circumstance the outcome would be different. Both of them know that at this point, they can’t just give up everything they've worked for. They're rooted where they are now with their lives and careers. 

“What are we going to do?” Maggie asks, shooting in the dark. She refuses to believe there's nothing they can do. They've made miracles happen as doctors. 

Sydney looks at her, biting the inside of her cheek. “I don't know.” But _she does know_ , Maggie can tell by the way Sydney looks at her with longing bright eyes. She wants Maggie to go back to London with her and be together. 

Maggie wants nothing more than that but her rationality is too strong. Both of them are too rational. 


	23. xxiii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> interlude after sydney's departure

“What is wrong with your sutures? Are you just sewing a button back onto your ratty old shirt?! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OR!”

Everyone on staff pauses at the yelling before they hear the door slam open quickly and Billy is stumbling out of the OR. He quickly rips off his mask, looking fearfully over his shoulder, paying no mind to the fact that everyone in the hallway is blatantly staring at him. He is not ashamed to show how terrified he is because as of right now, he could very well die.

“Get me another resident, now!” Maggie screams angrily through the door as it closes. 

He was doing a good job. In fact nothing out of the ordinary but he senses the tension radiating off Maggie. He’s been sensing it for a couple of weeks now and he chalks it up to her time of the month. He’s had a good rapport with her so far; he thought he’d be able to bring it up, see how she’s doing. Instead, she remains laser focused, suddenly prickling up like a porcupine, and dead serious. 

Billy hasn’t seen her smile in weeks. Then one little, correctable mistake and she flies off the handle. To his comfort, although not much, he hasn’t been the only resident Maggie’s decimated. 

He is the only one she hasn’t made cry yet. And he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or worse thing because Maggie could be ready to find a way to make him cry.

He turns a corner when he nearly plows into someone. “Dr. Reid!” 

“Whoa, Billy, where is the fire?” Alex jokes as she narrowly misses him. Then she gives him a second look. “Weren’t you in surgery with Maggie?”

Billy sucks in a breath through his teeth. “Dr. Lin actually just kicked me out,” he admits sheepishly. 

Alex stares at him, confused. “Maggie kicked you out?” 

“Yes, she’s been really tense these last couple of weeks so I was trying to make conversation when she asked me to close the patient, then she said I was doing it wrong and just went all She-Hulk on me,” Billy explains quickly. “I’m sorry Dr. Reid, I’m going to help find someone to assist in case she comes hunting me with a vengeance.” 

Alex nods. “Of course.” She lets him go despite the growing confusion. She’s sure he’s being dramatic because Maggie’s kicked people out of her OR before but no one has ever looked as terrified as Billy did just now. 

In fact, Alex had heard about a resident crying because of Maggie, but she’s sure that Maggie wouldn’t go so far as to make someone cry on purpose. Maggie just doesn’t get off on a power trip like that. Something must be going on. 

Alex makes her way down to the OR hall and watches as the nurses whisper to each other, still intently staring through the glass window as Maggie diligently works with a new resident already there, standing in there. Everyone in the OR is staring intently at Maggie as well, like some bomb is about to go off.

“Uh, what’s going on?” Alex asks one of the nurses. 

“Dr. Lin has been on a rampage,” one of them informs furtively, hiding behind a chart. “Apparently, the nurses are saying that Dr. Lin doesn’t want any conversation not concerning the surgery in her OR. The minute anyone starts talking she either tells them to shut up or kicks them out of the OR, very vocally.”

“Please help,” another nurse chimes in, also scared. “We know Dr. Lin isn’t usually like this but we really don’t know what her problem is.” 

Alex turns around back to the OR and stares at Maggie. She can see the way Maggie’s brows tense with concentration. She might not know what’s wrong, but she’s pretty sure she has a good idea what’s bothering Maggie.


	24. xxiv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie does some self reflecting on this relationship she's in

Maggie checks her phone for the umpteenth time for no notifications. If there was one, she was sure to get it because not only was her phone on vibrate, but there was sound. If there was an incoming message, she would indeed get it. Then again, it doesn’t hurt to check. She opens up the message between her and Sydney. 

It’s been almost a month since Sydney’s quick visit to Toronto. It’s been almost a month since they professed their feelings for each other. It’s been almost a month that they said they were going to see where this goes. They were seeing how things were going. They talked more, messaged more, hell they’ve even sent gifts. 

Maggie has always had her goals set for her. Her father was a successful doctor that left a legacy she wanted to continue for herself. There’s nothing more in her life that she’s ever wanted. Relationships were always secondary to her because it was rare for her to be in one that’s made her feel like this. 

When she was with Gavin, she did love him but she wasn’t exactly in love with him. He wasn’t a crazy, passionate guy, and to be honest, neither was she. But the best thing about them was that they really cared about each other, knew about each other, and they had fun together. They were best friends. 

This was different. It felt completely different. Maggie felt like she was the crazy one. The only thing she’s ever really wanted, truly wanted in her life was to be a doctor. She knew how to get there, she knew what steps she had to take to be a great doctor. Being in a relationship? Knowing how to be a good girlfriend? It’s been years since Maggie’s been one and it isn’t like riding a bike.

Especially being with Sydney. Especially being with Sydney long distance. 

She hates feeling this apprehension and paranoia. She literally feels like everything she does isn’t good enough and she’s worried. 

They were trying but was this really what they both wanted?

Maggie throws her head back in her chair in frustration. _Why does it feel so hard?_

A knock falls on the door.

Maggie slowly lifts her head because it's already the end of the day. There are no more patients for her to see.

Alex stands there, dressed to go home, with a confused look on her face. Especially when she turns to the couch that Maggie has a sheet and blankets neatly folded on. “I thought you were past this phase,” she notes aloud, entering the room.

“I've just had a lot of surgeries and deliveries that's all,” Maggie says as she tosses her phone onto her desk. She opts for opening a case file instead. 

“Uh uh,” Alex says waves her hand in front of Maggie. “No more work. We are going out tonight.”

“I still have paperwork to finish--”

Maggie barely gets another word out when Alex starts ushering her out of her seat, stripping her white coat off. “No excuses, Mags. You've been pulling doubles like a resident and sleeping in your office again.”

“I don’t really want to go out, Alex,” Maggie whines as Alex drags her from behind her desk. 

“You need to take time off away from the hospital and take care of yourself,” Alex reminds her as she shoves Maggie’s clothes into her arms. “More importantly, you need to spend time out of your head. This is the first time we all have an evening off and we want to see you.” 

Maggie glances at her phone. There wasn’t a sound but she just thinks of Sydney, heart heavy in her chest. 

“Maggie,” Alex catches her attention quickly, knowing Maggie’s concern. “Your phone will be on when you come out with us. Just have a few drinks and we can call it a night. Dawn is coming.” 

Maggie chuckles at that. “Dawn? Really? You think you’d get me with Dawn?” 

Alex nods in shocking agreement. “I know right? She said she had a long week and nothing like tequila can cure it.” 

“You’re bullshitting me,” Maggie calls out even though she gathers her clothes into her arms and walks towards her washroom. 

“I may or may not be,” Alex playfully throws back. “I’ll be waiting here for you.” 

Maggie gives in. Alex is right, she needs to spend less time at the hospital. Ever since Sydney’s been gone, Maggie knows she’s been overcompensating. She focuses on all of her time being a doctor when she should be focusing on being Maggie Lin. 

She sighs as she pulls her shirt over her head. With a glance at the mirror, Maggie can see the exhaustion running deep in her face. She’s lucky for the genetic lottery, but she can definitely see the bags underneath her eyes from the late nights she keeps. 

A day out with her friends wouldn’t hurt. She wasn’t getting any younger and she couldn’t spend all of her time working. Besides, it’d be nice to talk to Sydney about something that wasn’t work. 


	25. xxv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mags and syd have a conversation about them in the middle of the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guyssss who wants to hear about my life? well i'm going to ramble a bit anyway because 1) i almost forgot today was thursday because i've been working since yesterday morning (literally i went to my office, then did EMS, then back to the office, then i had a seminar) and 2) i went to a stroke management seminar - it was dopeeee very informative and interesting (i'm a nerd) 
> 
> but anyways i know you guys are probably going to get to a point where you're like...what's the point of this story and where is it going? honestly the show didn't really offer much story to these ladies as much as i'd like but they gave a lot of foundation for what they could be - so honestly i've been building that foundation so i'm sorry if it sounds weird when they have conversations but they were able to be in contact with each other to build a friendship and sustain that mentor/mentee relationship because in my head they talk about almost everything with each other and the thing that's most surprising is how hard of a time they have communicating to each other about well each other 
> 
> as we move forward with their relationship we're going to see that it does work but also there's this glaringly obvious issue of "where do we go from here" and "how can we be together" and its a matter of how that gets brought up and it took me awhile to write before i actually was able to end the story so please bear with me :D

Sydney doesn’t often remember her dreams. The only times she did remember were when they were nightmares. She knew they were a manifestation of thoughts and feelings she refused to process consciously, but rationalized them to be uncontrollable and irrelevant events in her life. For awhile, she had nightmares that it wasn’t Neshama’s father sat Shiva for his daughter, but Sydney’s father for her. The fears of how she felt about women were deeply buried in the back of her mind over the years but when she had met Maggie, the nightmares came back. They sprouted up slowly and suddenly until Sydney couldn’t think of anyone else but Maggie. 

It’s why she kept track of all of Maggie’s little quirks while she was her mentee. Sydney tried desperately to rationalize the situation of why she was thinking of Maggie as the source of her nightmares. Then she found that it didn’t help thinking of Maggie all the time, when she really wanted more than that. She wanted to be more than a mentor, a friend, a confidant. 

It was terrifying to think that she and Maggie could be something. While the distance was supposed to make it easier for Sydney to bury her feelings for Maggie, it did the very opposite. She was longing for Maggie. 

Being so far away from her family released her inhibitions and anxieties of being with a woman. She was no longer having nightmares involving Maggie, but beautiful, peaceful dreams of being with Maggie.

The incessant vibrations wake her up. She blindly reaches for her phone as she struggles to come into consciousness. Through the bleariness of her eyes and almost dropping her phone on her face, she notices Maggie’s name on the screen video calling. Just as she is about click accept, the call is dropped.

For a moment, she thinks that it’s a fluke. Then she sees how many times Maggie’s called. 

**Maggie :*** _(5 missed calls)_

So it wasn’t a fluke. 

Sydney rubs the exhaustion from her eyes before reaching over to turn on the light on her nightstand and then slipping on her glasses. She unlocks her phone to check the notifications and realizes that Maggie’s called her five times in the last 2 hours. 

Before she has a chance to react, another call comes in. 

While she should be very annoyed with Maggie calling her at 4am when both of them agreed to call when they were both actually awake, there’s something warm settling in Sydney’s heart as she swipes to accept the call. 

There’s a stream of petulant whining that Sydney is greeted with along with a picture of Maggie pouting sadly. Maggie’s cheeks are visibly pink under the warm light of her room. Sydney suppresses a laugh at the sight until she realizes there are streaks of tears down Maggie’s cheeks. 

“Maggie, what’s wrong?” Sydney asks quickly. 

Maggie opens her eyes quickly and there’s a relieved sigh that escapes her lips. “Syyyyyyd!” she cries out happily as she sniffles. She wipes her nose quickly. “You picked up.” Her expression changes instantly, smiling even though her eyes are red. 

“What’s going on? Why are you crying?” Sydney is beyond concerned. She’s seen Maggie cry before after her miscarriage with all her hormones bubbling her emotions to the surface.  

Maggie lets out a sad laugh before shaking her head. “It’s nothing,” she immediately answers before an unsure shrug follows. “I don’t know,” she admits, looking upset once again. “I’ve just been- _hic_ -trying to figure out how I’m feeling and everytime I do I just get- _hic_ -overwhelmed.” 

_How she’s feeling?_ Sydney feels her heart drop before she puts the situation together and asks, “Are you drunk?” 

Maggie lets out another laugh again through her teary eyes and nods. “A little bit. I’m _so_ sorry.” 

Sydney lets out a huff, unsure of how to take this situation because she is both amused and unamused. “Maggie…” she really isn’t sure how to respond. 

“God, I must look really stupid,” Maggie rambles on quickly. “I’m sorry I woke you up. It’s just everyone was pointing out how I’ve been so cranky and _mean_ lately. And honestly, I haven’t been that mean, but everything just feels so frustrating.”

There’s a quiet agony in Maggie’s words as she speaks and Sydney sympathizes for her. “Do you want to talk about it with me?” she asks carefully. She doesn’t know why she is being so careful, but she wants to know what’s upsetting Maggie. 

Maggie pouts and nods. It’s the most adorable thing. 

Sydney sits up in bed, propping herself up with a pillow. “What’s going on?” 

Maggie lets out an exasperated sigh. “Ever since you left, I feel like I’ve been going crazy. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about us anymore.”

“Oh…” Sydney’s heart drops immediately, “okay…” 

It takes a lot of rationalizing in Sydney’s head to keep her mouth shut until she hears the rest of what Maggie has to say, but her heart tightens in her chest because she’s already thinking about the worst case scenario. They shouldn’t have left things on such an ambiguous note. It was clear that they wanted to be together but they couldn’t physically do that. Sydney was all the way in London living her dream and so was Maggie in Toronto. Seeing where it was going to go was just a bad idea that Sydney knew from the beginning. 

The worst part is that she was starting to think about how well it was working out. She gets to talk to Maggie more than she ever expected. She gets to do cute romantic things for Maggie even across an ocean and Maggie does the same for her. It is extremely difficult to not physically be with her but Sydney feels secure to know that at least they have each other’s heart. 

Now it’s clearly not enough and Sydney feels guilty. It’s as if her choice in staying in London and not giving up everything for Maggie is a selfish decision. Then again, Maggie was making the same decision as she was to stay in Toronto. To be honest, Sydney could never ask Maggie to give up her career. 

“Ever since you came back to Toronto and we decided to try seeing where this could go, I feel like I’ve been fighting this feeling like I’m being strangled from the inside--”

“That’s how I make you feel?” Sydney grits out as kindly as she can.

Maggie is still sensitive to Sydney’s tone and cringes immediately. “I’m not being clear- _hic_ -just what I'm really trying to say is that I’m just scared that I am doing this relationship thing wrong,” Maggie goes on, frustration evident in her voice as she struggles to gather all her thoughts. “I’ve never been good at being in a relationship with someone that’s made me feel the way that you do. I’m scared that what I’m doing isn’t enough for you.”

“That’s not true,” Sydney interjects immediately. Despite her own insecurities, Sydney can’t deny how much she feels for Maggie. “You are more than enough for me. What we have isn’t ideal, but we have each other. That’s all I want, Maggie. I just want you.” 

“Syd--” Maggie croaks out, tears welling in her eyes again. “You can’t just _say_ things like that. Don’t you know I’m drunk?” She wipes her eyes as best as she can. “I miss you so much.” 

Sydney softens at Maggie crying because she wishes there could be something more she could do. “I miss you too,” she admits, hoping that it’ll bring some comfort to Maggie. She isn’t the best at comforting someone else, but she hopes that Maggie understands. “I miss you more than you can imagine.”

“Really?” 

The insecurity in Maggie’s voice resonates deeply in Sydney. “Why do you sound so surprised? If anyone should be worried, it should be me. I’m scared I’m not enough for you.”

Maggie frowns. “Why would you think that?” 

Sydney gives her a look as if she should already know. “I grew up Orthodox, Maggie. Romance didn’t play a huge factor in my future expectation of being someone’s wife. The idea of going on dates, coming up with romantic gestures to express how I feel, or even public displays of affection are very unfamiliar to me. Especially with a woman. I’m trying to get a handle on everything and I just want to make sure that you’re happy.” 

“You do make me happy,” Maggie affirms. “Being with you makes me happy. But not being with you makes me frustrated on so many levels.” 

“So what can we do about it?” Sydney blurts out, knowing it sounds a bit insensitive. But she has to be practical. 

Maggie’s eyes widen. “Syd, you do know what I mean by _I am frustrated_ right?” 

Sydney furrows her brows. The look on Maggie’s face says it all, especially when she bites the corner of her lip. “Oh,” she lets out dumbly at the realization. “Oh!” She blushes at Maggie’s stare. There’s an annoyingly charming raise of an eyebrow that Maggie likes to do when she teases Sydney. “Well--I can’t--I don’t know--”

Maggie brightens for the first time in their conversation. “I’m just teasing you,” she says sounding more sober than before. “Although, I have to say that seeing you in those glasses reminds me of the good ole good days.” 

Sydney unconsciously pushes her glasses up to hide the fact that she’s blushing even harder now. “It’d be nice if you didn’t tease me,” she mumbles. 

Maggie hums thoughtfully as she stares at Sydney. After a moment, Maggie seems to have decided on something when she says, “I know what I want to do.” 

Sydney raises her eyebrows. “If you say phone sex or video sex---” 

Maggie chuckles at Sydney. “God no! _Well_...I mean if you want to I wouldn’t mind.”

“Maggie!” Sydney exclaims, scandalized. 

Maggie laughs at her reaction instantly. “No, that’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say that I want to see you.” 

“See me?” 

“Mm hmm. I want to visit you in London. You can show me all your favorite spots in London or where you spend your free time. You won’t have to take too much time off or any if you can’t. I can sightsee while you’re working and then we can meet up afterwards. If it’s okay with you of course.” 

Sydney brightens at the suggestion. “You really want to come to London?” 

Maggie nods. “International booty calls have always been on my bucket list.” 

Sydney rolls her eyes at Maggie, but she can’t help herself from laughing regardless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed the chapter! i do read the comments and i'm really happy that you guys are all reading this and leaving comments it gives me a lot of feels and has definitely helped me through a lot of writers block -- im sorry it took awhile to get this good but like i said it was definitely not intended to be this long. see you next tuesday!


	26. xxvi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> small interlude before maggie's trip to london

“Remember that Ms. Bozak is coming for an ultrasound on Thursday, Mrs. Nylander on Friday, and Mrs. Anderson is having a C-section next Thursday,” Maggie ticks off as she stacks the files in front of Billy. “These should be easy enough. If you have a hard time or any questions, refer to Dr. Niehaus, but I’m trusting you with the bare minimum Billy.” 

“Of course, Dr. Lin,” Billy acknowledges with a smile on his face. 

The simple response raises Maggie’s suspicions and she looks up from her tablet to Billy’s beaming face. 

“What?” 

Billy takes a moment before responding, like he’s been waiting for her to ask. “So you’re going to London to see Dr. Katz,” he notes cheekily. Maggie scoffs at him before going back to her tablet. “You must be very excited to see her. It’s been almost two months since her last visit. I’m sure you guys have a lot of _catching up_ to do.” 

Maggie narrows her eyes at the resident. “I hear a lot of words, but nothing about what I’ve just delegated to you.” 

Billy awkwardly laughs at this. “Well, I’m just saying, I’m happy for you and I hope you get some--”

Maggie holds up a finger for him to just stop. Billy stops talking but the look on his face says enough. “If I come back and my patients are dead, you sure won’t be a getting a recommendation from me,” she informs gravely to Billy. She closes her tablet and turns to walk away before she can see Billy’s smile slide off of his face. She smiles to herself mischievously as she leaves. 

Zach intercepts her as she enters the ER. “I see someone’s happy about her vacation,” he points out cheekily. 

Maggie smiles, lips thinning at the reminder. Her vacation. Her three weeks off from Hope Zion to spend time in London with Sydney. She should be more excited, but something inside of her shivers with apprehension.

Zach instantly picks up on this. “Ooh, not exactly happy?” he points out carefully. 

Maggie shakes her head, trying to fight the burgeoning doubt inside of her heart. “I am,” she insists. “I am happy. It’ll be a nice vacation in London, where I can have all the fish and chips I want, drink all the tea, and see Big Ben and the London Eye.” 

Zach raises his eyebrows at her. 

“What?” she shoots.

He doesn’t have to say anything for her to cave. Zach knows her way too well. 

Maggie groans. “Okay, fine, maybe I am...a little _nervous_.” She takes a breath and tries to formulate her worry into words. “It’s just that when we were talking about me visiting, I was drunk and rambling. There were a lot of emotions going on.”

“Everyone has those moments,” Zach says sympathetically. 

Maggie sucks in a breath. “Not like this Zach. I’m not good at talking about my feelings, you know that. I _react_ to my emotions. I do stupid things like drunk dial Sydney and ask her to go to London. What if that was too much for her? What if she doesn’t actually want me there? What if she thinks I’m crazy?”

Zach gives Maggie a look of disbelief before stopping in front of her. “Maggie, you’re not crazy.” He gives her a small smile, the kind that curls at the corner of his lips when he knows something she doesn’t. “You’re in love.” 

Maggie stands still in the middle of the hall, taking in Zach’s words. _Am I in love? Is that what this is?_

 


	27. xxvii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kisses in the airport - how much more romantic can this get?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was originally going to put 26 and 27 together but then i've been writing these more as "scenes" than as actual chapters, which is why i had to add that little interlude for maggie before we get a little bit of peeking into sydney's brain 
> 
> around these chapters i actually got writers block and thats why i decided to switch perspectives because there's a lot to this story that i wanted to present and this part in particular you get to see similar emotions but on the other side, where theres this nervousness and apprehension and it answers what sydney really thinks of maggie coming

It’s a Friday when Maggie lands in London. It’s Friday and Sydney is _late_ leaving work from an emergency C-Section and she feels like her whole schedule is thrown off.

Sydney is a pro at scheduling. She works her life based off of a timeline that she’s set up in her mind. While she knows things change and there are unexpected events that she needs to compensate for, it doesn’t mean that she likes it. She was hoping to stop by her apartment earlier to clean up for Maggie (even though her apartment is generally neat - it needed to be immaculate), grab some groceries _maybe_ , and just _not_ look like she came out of work.

Sydney feels out of breath as she reaches the outer gate where Maggie’s plane is docked.

Sydney glances at her wristwatch. In the corner of her eyes, she catches a reflection of herself and pulls her hair out from the ponytail. _I look ridiculous._ She straightens out her sweatshirt, but it’s painfully obvious that she’s still in her scrubs. Her backpack was stuffed of the clothes she actually wanted to wear to see Maggie.

She debates rushing to the bathroom, but everyone has already deplaned it seems like. So she waits with baited breath. Occasionally standing on her toes to see over the crowd.

Then, Sydney sees her.

Maggie comes down the walkway, standing tall and beautiful like a model with her purse slung over her shoulder and dragging her small luggage along. Her hair has gotten a bit longer since they last saw each other. She remembers when she’d first met Maggie, her hair was short and unruly. But over the years, Maggie’s hair has grown out, in elegant cascading waves.

Sydney feels her heart pounding in her chest as Maggie approaches, unaware that Sydney is already there as she looks around with curiosity and eagerness in her eyes.

She waves to catch Maggie’s attention, but there’s no sound that comes out of her mouth. Suddenly struck by excitement and nervousness, she can’t move when Maggie’s eyes meet hers.

Maggie’s lips curl into a smile. She bites her lip as she hastens towards Sydney.

Without even thinking, Sydney steps towards Maggie as well. There’s a distinct pull in her chest as she makes her way towards Maggie and it grows stronger with each step.

Until suddenly, Sydney is swept up in Maggie’s arms, breathing in her distinct smell of lavender and coffee underneath the sterile soap that Sydney is sure she smells like as well. She smiles so hard until her cheeks start to ache as she clings onto Maggie.

Maggie doesn’t mind at all. Her hand comes up to caress her hair and she turns to kiss the side of Sydney’s head. “Well _hello_ to you too,” Maggie greets softly as she breathes Sydney in.

Sydney shyly pulls back at the way Maggie speaks to her. When they’d first met, Sydney never bothered to read Maggie’s tone because she hadn’t cared much. Then, she started listening more closely, finding the natural playfulness inflections in her speech to discern when she was actively flirting with her.

“Welcome to cheery ole London,” Sydney jokes as she tries to release Maggie from her grasp. She’s sure her body is thrumming with excitement.

Maggie raises her eyebrows. Definitely flirting again. And she slips her arms down to Sydney’s waist before pulling her until they’re flush against each other. Without wasting another breath, Maggie is kissing her.

Sydney feels her body shake at the contact. She can’t help but return the kiss with more passion, like she’s been waiting forever to do this. She doesn’t want to stop because Maggie is there. Sydney can feel her body pressed against Maggie’s, both of them sparking a fire that draws them closer and closer to each other. Maggie slides her tongue over Sydney’s lip and she lets out a moan that she doesn’t know she’s holding onto. Sydney can feel her cheeks warm as Maggie smiles against her lips before deepening the kiss.

Her knees grow weak as Maggie grips her waist firmly. Then a hand grows bold, slipping underneath her sweater, playing with the hem of her scrub top. Maggie’s teeth grazes her bottom lip and Sydney whimpers. Maggie takes this as a sign of approval as she slips her hand up Sydney’s scrubs.

The cool air that accompanies Maggie’s hot hand draws Sydney painfully back to reality. Her hand falls quickly onto Maggie’s roaming one and she breaks the kiss. Maggie sighs painfully at the loss.

Sydney bites her lip as she tries to catch her breath. They were still at the airport, they couldn’t just make out like some hormone addled teenagers.

“ _Wow_ , okay,” Sydney breathes out as she tries to get her brain to function again. Because as much as she wants Maggie to touch her, they are very much out in public. “That was--”

“I _know_ ,” Maggie adds with that cocky smile on her face. She even wiggles her eyebrows for emphasis.

Sydney lets out an incredulous laugh. “Get over yourself, Maggie.” She pushes at Maggie’s chest playfully.

Maggie doesn’t let her go and pulls her close again. This time her breath is hot against Sydney’s ear as she bends down and whispers, “Quickie in the bathroom?”

Sydney’s eyes widen and she slaps at Maggie. “Maggie!” She hates that she’s blushing but for Maggie to suggest something so inappropriate.

Maggie giggles at this as she buries her face in Sydney’s neck. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” she says as her apology. Her lips are ghosting the shell of Sydney’s ear, this time sending shivers down her spine. “Take me back to your place, Syd.”

Her eyes furtively glance around them to see the growing stares. Instead of letting them get to her, Sydney just nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a start of the turning point of the story ie the last parts of the story --- the next part will be there reunion (forewarned for feels and smut) and then the next half dozen chapters thereafter i post will be "dates" because sydney mentioned the Shidduch and im like "oh man how am i going to fit that part where they do get to talk and get to know each other on a deeper level and how are they going to react to each other" so that's just a heads up
> 
> bad news: i know i said i'd post tuesdays and thursday, but i won't be posting the next chapters until NEXT thursday 12/28 because there are other projects i want to work on in the meantime with the holidays (there are like 4 other ships i write for LOL) 
> 
> again thank you for your support and reading!


	28. xxviii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is it sydney that welcomes maggie or maggie that welcomes sydney?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the smut?

It’s been a surprise to Sydney that she and Maggie have even sustained anything close to a relationship since she left Toronto. The term relationship has been used very loosely between them. It’s constantly in the back of their minds through every phone call, video call, and text.  At the end of every call, she wonders if she and Maggie will just phase out of their relationship. The distance driving the wedge between them without either of them even realizing it. 

While she knows that they’ve been making it work, Sydney knows that they have to define what they are, if they’re long term, and if this is really going to work in the long run. All of these things that they never broach because what they have right now is good enough. 

But she wants more.

Sydney doesn’t want to settle for good enough. She doesn’t just want a visit with Maggie. She doesn’t _just_ want 3 weeks with Maggie. 

There’s a dull thud as Sydney’s backpack collides with Maggie’s luggage before hitting the floor. 

“Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,” Sydney pants out quickly as her eyes roll back. She’s backed against her door as Maggie’s lips latch onto her neck, eager to mark her. She can feel Maggie’s hot breath against her neck. “We should-- _ah_ \--I have to show you--” 

Maggie kisses up her neck until she finds her lips and Sydney is moaning into her mouth. It leaves her breathless and stunned even when Maggie briefly stops kissing her. 

“What did you need to show me?” Maggie asks innocently like she wasn’t about to leave hickeys up and down Sydney’s neck. 

Sydney licks her lips unconsciously. Her eyes immediately follow Maggie’s, realizing she’s staring again. “The apartment…,” Sydney answers slowly, distracted by Maggie. “I have to show you my apartment, so you know where everything is.” 

“ _Uh huh_ ,” Maggie agrees even though her hands are on Sydney’s hips with her thumbs already creeping up the hem of her scrubs. “I’m sure we can get to that eventually.” 

“Eventually?” Sydney swallows thickly. The suggestion is evident in Maggie’s voice. She gasps as Maggie’s hot hand slides up her top. “Maggie--” 

“Do you want me to stop?” she asks carefully. Maggie ducks to meet Sydney’s fluttering eyes. 

Sydney can see Maggie’s eyes clearly. They’re darken with arousal and deeply staring into hers with a hunger that she’s never seen before. It’s both startling and intriguing. Her heart pounds inside of her like it’s threatening to break from her rib cage because Maggie makes her feel everything. Sydney feels excitement, apprehension, and most of all, love.

It terrifies her because what if it doesn’t work out? What if they aren’t actually meant to be together? Their timing was never perfect and it’s not like the distance made it any better. Sydney can’t help but feel the doubt sown deep in her mind that maybe Maggie sees this all a little too casual. Her heart wrenches inside of her. 

“Syd, where’d you go?” Maggie asks as she brushes Sydney’s stray hair out of her face. Her touch is gentle and careful.

“No,” Sydney unconsciously answers because she really doesn’t want to stop. 

“No?”

“Don’t stop,” she admits. Maggie waits a moment, eyes searching Sydney’s for an explanation. Sydney takes a breath in as she tilts her head up to meet Maggie’s lips. Maggie smiles against her lips as they start kissing again. 

All of her sense flies out the window as soon as their lips meet. All the doubt and worry is pushed to the back of her mind because Maggie is there now. Maggie wants her. She can tell by the way Maggie grips her waist firmly before sliding her hand up her scrub top because she wants to feel Sydney. 

Sydney curls into the touch, desperate for Maggie to keep going. Her hands roam across Maggie’s jacket before clutching the lapels to push it off of her. She brings it down to Maggie’s elbows before Maggie shrugs it off completely. 

Maggie comes back towards Sydney and reaches for the bottom of her sweater to push over her head along with her top. She reaches for the waistband of Sydney’s pants when Sydney gasps and falls back against the door. Maggie smirks before kissing the tops of her breasts. 

Sydney bites the urge to roll her eyes at Maggie’s antics, but Maggie kisses down her chest down her stomach. Her chest heaves as she tries to catch her breath. She wants to move them to the bedroom, but Maggie has her frozen with only her door supporting her. Maggie drags down her pants easily with her panties and her knees start to shake in response. 

“Maggie--- _please_ \--” Sydney doesn’t know what she’s begging for. 

Maggie seems to know though, kissing the inside of her leg and moving up painfully slow as her hands caress the outside of her thighs. Her touches are meant to soothe Sydney, but Sydney feels herself getting wetter as Maggie’s lips move closer to her center. She nearly falls when Maggie lifts her leg over her shoulder. 

Sydney throws her head back against her door as Maggie licks her with a broad swipe. Maggie’s tongue slides through her folds with ease, tasting her up and down before gently sucking at her engorged nub. One hand presses against the door for support, while the other tangles in Maggie’s soft locks to encourage her. A guttural groan rips through the back of her throat as Maggie sucks harder. 

It’s hard to concentrate as Maggie continues her ministrations. She licks and laps Sydney up like she’s parched and plunges her tongue in until Sydney’s knee buckles. Maggie quickly presses a hand on Sydney’s quivering stomach to support her. Sydney’s eyes roll back at the realization that as the tension grows in the pit of her belly and her wetness slips down her thighs, Maggie isn’t done with her. She gasps at the graze of Maggie’s teeth against her folds and clutches Maggie’s head harder. 

Her eyes slam shut when Maggie’s tongue brushes against the sensitive spot of her flesh. The orgasm wracks her body that she can barely hold herself up as her body vibrates. She vaguely feels her legs both on the ground again and her hand is no longer grasping anything. It takes a moment for her senses to completely return to her. 

When she opens her eyes, Maggie stands before her, hair mussed from Sydney’s tugging, and a smile on her face. Sydney’s heart swells at how Maggie stares at her with adornment. “You look beautiful,” she whispers as she leans in for a kiss. 

Sydney moans at the taste of herself on Maggie’s lips and throws her arms around the taller woman’s shoulders. She pulls Maggie in closer until their bodies are firmly pressed against one another. She feels Maggie’s warmth through her clothes and wants nothing more than to feel her naked against her body. 

“Maggie--bed--room--” Sydney mutters through their kisses as she tugs Maggie around. Her legs are all wobbly but she manages to dance them through the short hallway. She’s already unbuttoning Maggie’s shirt as Maggie unbuttons her pants. They only bump into the wall once when Maggie tries to kick off her pants without breaking their kiss. Sydney giggles as Maggie presses against her with a laugh before she tugs her into her bedroom, falling onto the small bed in a tumble. 

Sydney ends up straddling Maggie’s thighs, kissing her passionately as Maggie’s hands come up her back to pull her in like vines. Maggie’s moans are like song in her ears as she grinds into her. She feels Maggie’s hand slip between her thighs and she grabs it quickly. _She_ wants Maggie. _She_ wants to feel Maggie this time. 

Maggie falls back onto the bed with a bounce as Sydney comes down to pin her wrist against the mattress. Sydney stares down at Maggie, committing the way her shining black hair fans across her pillows and starts to tangle from her fingers down to the subtle shine in her eyes even when they darken with arousal. Maggie stares back up at her with shock and awe. 

It’s then that Sydney realizes that she really does want more with Maggie. She wants to spend the rest of her life with Maggie. 


	29. xxix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for sydney and maggie to talk definitions

Maggie surprisingly finds herself waking up first. She feels lightheaded and out of sorts the minute she opens her eyes. She can feel the unfamiliar atmosphere just by the way the sun creeps through the curtains. 

In her arms, she feels the warm body pressed against her chest. Her arm is thrown around Sydney’s naked body underneath the sheets. A sense of contentment fills her chest as she picks up her head to see Sydney sleeping soundly. Maggie drops a kiss on Sydney’s shoulder.  

It stirs Sydney and she preens and curls back against Maggie before waking up slowly. Maggie smiles at how cat like Sydney is when she turns over to face Maggie, eyes opening slowly with a slow curl of her lips. 

“Morning,” Sydney greets huskily. She stretches her limbs before sliding her arm around Maggie’s waist. “You must be exhausted.”

Maggie hums. She brushes away Sydney’s mussed red hair from her face. Sydney really doesn’t know how beautiful she is to Maggie. How every time they share a space, Maggie feels like she loses her logic. “I’m not that tired,” she quips, leaving no room for confusion. 

Sydney stares at Maggie, blushing already. Maggie can feel Sydney’s warm body against her. “Maggie…you didn’t come here to see my bedroom all vacation,” she reminds.

“I did say international booty call was on my list,” Maggie jokes as she ducks down to kiss Sydney. 

Sydney pulls back slowly, biting her lip thoughtfully. “You’re not just here for a booty call are you?” she asks. Her tone is tempered and cautious as she looks up at Maggie. 

Maggie forgets that even though they have all of these feelings for each other, they really haven’t spent as much time together as a normal couple. The reason she was even in London was because she was dying to be with Sydney, to spend time with her. As much as Maggie would like to avoid a conversation about feelings, she knows better than to avoid it. If she starts to pull back from their relationship, Sydney was sure to run. It’s taken them this long to be together and if Sydney runs again, Maggie really doesn’t know where she’d go. 

“No, Syd.” Maggie is at a loss for words to reassure Sydney though. “This isn’t just some booty call. I mean if I wanted to get laid, that wouldn’t be an issue.” 

Sydney’s eyebrows furrow instantly at Maggie’s words. She shifts back and the distance is noticeable even on a twin sized bed. 

“Wait, that’s not--” Maggie fumbles over her words as she reaches for Sydney. “I don’t know why that came out.” She lets out an exasperated sigh at herself. _Why is this happening? What is wrong with me?_ Maggie feels her nerves worked up as Sydney slips off the bed with a sheet. Great, they’re barely talking and Sydney isn’t having any of it already. “Syd, come on.” 

Sydney wraps the sheet around herself before looking at Maggie. There’s a stern look on her face that Maggie doesn’t know how to react to. “I’m going to make some tea,” she declares. 

Before Maggie can even form a proper thought, Sydney is out the door. 

All it takes is a few brief moments of silence before she hears the methodical way that Sydney moves in her kitchen like she’s done plenty of times on their calls. Maggie throws her head back onto the bed in frustration. She knows what she should do but what she doesn’t know is why her foot is in her mouth.

“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea,” Maggie pessimistically mutters as she wraps herself in the comforter before climbing out of bed.

When Maggie walks outside, she can see the trail of clothing the two of them left behind from the evening before. In the corner of her eyes, she catches her luggage toppled over with Sydney’s backpack haphazardly nearby. She bites the urge to grab something to wear and opts straight for the kitchen that Sydney quietly moves around. 

It must have been the lighting. The way the sun rises with purples and orange underneath the misty fog highlights Sydney’s pale complexion and fiery red hair. Maggie can’t help but stare at how beautiful Sydney looks in that moment. Her hair messy as it settles on her naked shoulder while she clasps the sheet around her body with one hand and the other reaching for a mug from the drying rack.

Sydney notices Maggie’s stare but doesn’t quite meet it. She goes to her backpack near the door and bends down. She holds the sheet up to her chest as best as she can while she wrestles with the zipper. 

Maggie makes her way over to help. To her surprise, Sydney lets her. She holds the bag open as Sydney unzips and pulls out a plastic bag.

“I don’t usually drink coffee. I stopped by the store on the way to the airport; I don’t know if this is what you drink,” Sydney says as she turns away to place the bag on the counter. 

Maggie follows her. “Thank you,” she lets out softly. There’s a smile on her face at the sweet gesture. “I could’ve had whatever you have.” She stands behind Sydney as she pulls out the coffee grounds. Her heart swells. “But that is exactly what I drink.” She bends down briefly to kiss Sydney’s cheek. 

Sydney blushes before turning around. She realizes that she’s pinned between the counter and Maggie’s hot body. 

Maggie knows it isn’t the time to be playful, but she can’t help it. She bites her lip as she cups Sydney’s cheek. 

Sydney’s hand covers Maggie’s quickly. She shuts her eyes and concentrates. 

Maggie can tell by the way Sydney’s brow furrow deeply. She wants nothing more than to soothe Sydney, but she waits patiently and wills Sydney to talk to her. It takes a moment that feels like forever when Sydney lets out a breath. 

“Maggie, what are we?” Sydney asks, looking up carefully at her. 

Maggie feels the air leave her lungs as she reaches for words that don’t exist. There are none that she can grasp onto. And she does her best with a sheepish shrug and hopeful smile. “I’m not sure, Syd,” she blurts out honestly. She can feel Sydney tense under her touch, but she refuses to let Sydney go far from her. “We said we wanted to see where this would go…” 

“And we have been,” Sydney agrees. 

“But?” 

“But--am I? Are we? Are you?” Sydney stumbles over her words. While Maggie patiently waits, Sydney grows red with embarrassment. “I’m not seeing anyone else!” 

Maggie’s eyes widen at Sydney admission and she has to bite back a laugh at how flustered Sydney looks as she stares up at Maggie. There’s a stern look on her face and Maggie suddenly gets it. She sighs because she knows she’s said the wrong thing earlier but there’s a sense of relief to know that was actually a problem. “I am not seeing anyone else either,” Maggie admits. “Please tell me there’s more to what you’re thinking than that. I really have no idea what I am doing and I don’t want to mess this up.” 

Sydney huffs almost petulantly. “Maggie, I think you know how much I lo-like you. I wouldn’t do this for anyone else in the world and I just want to know that we are on the same page and we want the same thing out of this.”

“I am not sure, Syd,” Maggie admits and in that instance, she hates herself for saying it aloud again. There is just such a dejected look on Sydney’s face and that’s not how Maggie wants to express herself. Maggie reaches for Sydney’s arms, careless to how the comforter drapes open to her naked body. “And I don’t mean that I’m not sure that this is something I want. I am definitely _sure_ about this. I wouldn’t fly across an ocean for anyone else in the world. I want you and to be honest, I’ve always wanted to know what it’d be like to be with you. To actually be with you. It’s just we haven’t defined what we are and what we want, so it’s hard for me to be sure. And it terrifies me.” 

Sydney stares up at Maggie with fire in her eyes. It takes Maggie’s breath away because despite the trepidation thrumming in her chest, Sydney looks so sure of herself that Maggie is calmed. 

“Maggie, I want to be with you. And I want to know what it’s like to actually be with you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't posted like i said i would its been really hectic and kind of shitty but HEY ITS OKAY! IM BACK i think and i hope...BUT HEY IM POSTING NOW anyway we're turning towards the last bit of the story as maggie and sydney get to spend more time with each other - you get to see some dates! 
> 
> next post is thursday


	30. xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so these next couple of chapters are just going to be kind of short but kind of dialogue heavy - i suppose real conversations you would wanna have with your significant other when you spend time together 
> 
> the show didn't get to give us that so i thought i'd write in a few instances where we get to develop them more outside of the hospital ENJOY

Maggie doesn’t know what to expect on dates with Sydney. To be honest though, it’s already going better than her coffee dates that she’s been on. 

“Their first mistake was agreeing to meet you for coffee,” Sydney states as they walk side by side. 

It’s evening by the time they are able to untangle themselves. More like, Sydney is insistent that while they are definitely in a relationship with each other, she does want to take Maggie around. 

“What makes you say that?” Maggie asks as she bites into her falafel. 

Sydney snakes her arm around Maggie’s waist to steady her from walking waywardly into a trash can as she buries her face into her food. “Grabbing coffee with someone is not substantial to get to know someone. It shows no drive or real interest in pursuing something more serious,” Sydney answers as she lets go of Maggie. 

“That’s not true,” Maggie counters quickly as she chews quickly. “You can definitely get to know someone within the first five minutes of meeting them. It’s easy to know whether or not you share a connection with someone right off the bat.” 

“I find that hard to believe considering you made them meet you in the hospital that you work in no less,” Sydney argues. “You wanted someone to get to know you as a person.”

“Most of who I am as a person is a doctor,” Maggie deadpans. “I wanted them to get used to the idea of me working long hours.”

“That’s a lot to put on a person that you’re only giving about 30 minutes of your life.”

Maggie laughs at that. “Barely any of them lasted 10 minutes.” 

Sydney shakes her head. “That’s a bit cruel, Maggie.”

Maggie takes another bite of her falafel and shrugs. “I don’t even know why we’re discussing this. Clearly none of those dates worked out anyway. I’m really glad they didn’t because otherwise I wouldn’t be here with you.” 

Sydney scoffs as she shyly glances at Maggie, shoving her hands into her jacket. “Such a sweet talker, you are.” 

Maggie snorts. “I’m just telling you the truth. If you and I had gotten together sooner then I wouldn’t have had to suffer through all those dates.” 

“By the way you are describing your expectations, I hardly think that I would’ve made it past the first five minutes.” 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Syd.” Maggie fake laughs at this as Sydney glares up at her. “I’m serious.”

“So you’re saying I would’ve lasted a coffee date with you?”

Maggie thinks about it for a moment. “Hmm...probably not considering you don’t drink coffee.” Sydney nods in agreement with that argument. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t like you when I first met you. Even if you were you know... _you_.”

“I find that very hard to believe considering I was _very_ hard on you when we first met,” Sydney reminds. 

“Oh, I liked you,” Maggie clarifies. “As I recall, you have an Israeli disposition, you keep a kosher home, you leave early on Fridays, and when you get married, you’d have to wear a wig.” 

Sydney blushes. “And _those_ were very _attractive_ personality traits?”

Maggie laughs as she links her arm with Sydney’s. “You were very blunt and straightforward and I remember thinking, ‘Wow I wonder how she’s like in a relationship.’”

Sydney scoffs. “No, you did not.” 

“You’re totally right,” Maggie agrees. “I actually wondered what poor sucker was going to have to deal with you for the rest of his life. _Haha!_ Would you look at the turn of events.” 

Sydney stops Maggie in her tracks with a pout. “I take back what I said about you being a sweet talker,” she declares. 

Maggie spies a trash bin in the corner of her eyes and reaches over to throw out her wrapper before facing Sydney. “ _What if_ I told you that I really did like you when I first met you?”

“What evidence would you have to support that?”

Maggie shrugs. “No evidence whatsoever. I looked at you and I knew that I wanted to get to know you more. I actually couldn’t wait to get to know you as a mentor and as a person. There was just _something_ about you.” 

Sydney stares at Maggie skeptically. “Okay, sweet talker.” 

“Sweet talker, I am,” she agrees in her Yoda voice. Sydney rolls her eyes as Maggie comes in to kiss her softly.


	31. xxxi

Maggie seems to get to know more about Sydney in ways that surprise her. 

“You have been staring at this painting for awhile now,” Maggie notes as she wraps her arms around Sydney’s waist and drops her chin on her shoulder. 

Sydney nods, humming at Leonardo da Vinci’s The Virgin and the Child. 

“What’re you thinking?” Maggie asks curiously as she stares at the painting. In her mind, she stares at the brush strokes, colors, and style of the painting. It holds no meaning to her in particular, so she can’t help but wonder what goes on in Sydney’s head. 

“Just trying to wrap my head around the world outside of my beliefs I suppose,” Sydney answers as she glances around the museum. 

Maggie follows her glance only briefly before she remembers that she’s being affectionate in public. She is about to loosen her grip when Sydney’s hands fall on hers. She's comforted by this and wraps her arms tightly around Sydney once more. “Not a big fan of Jesus?” she quips playfully. 

Sydney clicks her tongue at Maggie. “I’m just saying that ever since I can remember, my life was indoctrinated with Jewish beliefs. It’s sometimes hard to wrap my head around the fact that something that had guided and drove me could have also rejected me.” 

Maggie lets out a low whistle. “That’s pretty heavy for an art gallery.” 

Sydney smiles sardonically before turning her head to Maggie. “Not a big fan of art museums?” 

Maggie scrunches her nose. “Not particularly. I had to take art history every year in college because my step mother insisted that I needed to be more well rounded. Thought my obsession with becoming a doctor was going to ruin my chances of being able to connect with people on an emotional level. I don’t see how art could possibly correlate to an emotional level, but _sure_ , I can _totally_ feel something by staring at painting for hours on end.” 

“Art _is_ **emotional** ,” Sydney states as she turns to face Maggie. Maggie stares at Sydney to elaborate because she has a feeling Sydney is going to anyway. “Art isn’t just about the method or movement they created. It’s representative of the emotion and ideals of an era. How the artists felt is what gets immortalized into art.”

“So you’re saying this 16th century Christian piece has some underlying theme makes you feel emotional about Judaism?” 

Sydney gives Maggie a look. “You make it sound so linear, as if it’s cause and effect. Art is open to many interpretations. You think this piece is strictly about Christianity by the way that you are taught, but for me, I see it from an outside perspective, _because_ Christianity is not my core belief. Because of my experiences and what I’ve learned, I’ve opened myself up to trying to understand things that I don’t understand. That’s why it makes me feel the way I do.”

Maggie purses her lips as she glances back at the painting. It still holds no meaning for her but she looks back at Sydney. Her big brown eyes staring at Maggie, wondering if she understands anything that she’s just said. She shakes her head with a small laugh. “I guess I don’t have an emotional connection with art like you do.” 

Sydney pouts almost with disappointment. “I suppose you don’t.” 

“Is that a deal breaker?” Maggie jokes at the look on Sydney’s face.

Sydney shakes her head. “Not a chance.” She slides her hand into Maggie’s before dragging her out of the exhibit. “We just need to find a piece that you can connect with.” 

“I’m sure you won’t,” Maggie sings as she lets herself get dragged by Sydney around the National Gallery. 

Much to Sydney’s dismay, Maggie doesn’t get emotional over a single piece of art in the museum. What she doesn’t realize is Maggie has been staring at her reverently the whole time.


	32. xxxii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the conversation about life and the value of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry i havent posted! i intended to but school started this past week and i lost track of the days and have a lot of projects im working on
> 
> i promise this story is done im just doing some minor edits and chipping away at the epilogue so please bear with me im glad people are still reading this and i appreciate all your comments all the time even if i dont respond at times

Maggie realizes that sometimes Sydney gets irritated by how she can joke just about everything. 

“We should’ve done best three out of five, I’m sure I would’ve won and we wouldn’t have had to ride this death trap,” Sydney squeaks out as she holds on tightly to Maggie. 

Maggie laughs as she slows the scooter to a stop. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad. It beats walking and taking the tube.” 

“With a high risk of falling off at very sharp corners?” Sydney asks as she dismounts from behind Maggie. She tries to normalize her breath after fearing she’d fall off several times on the turns.

Maggie rolls her eyes affectionately. “Those turns weren’t that sharp, Syd.”

Sydney glares at Maggie. “You weren’t the one hanging on for dear life.” 

“Oh trust me, my abdomen knows.” Maggie says as she takes off her helmet with ease. 

Sydney makes a disgruntled sound as she tries to unbuckle her helmet. “These things are practically death contraptions,” Sydney notes aloud. “I can’t believe you didn’t wear your helmet properly.” 

“We were going less than 30 kilometers per hour, it was fine.” 

“But dangerous. You don’t know what could’ve happened.” 

Maggie helps Sydney as she struggles to unbuckle her helmet. “I had a really good teacher, we were perfectly safe.” 

Sydney is free of the helmet and knows her hair is a mess. She runs her fingers through it quickly to settle it. “Really and who was that?” Sydney asks sharply, unable to contain the green monster inside of her.

Maggie can hear the bite in Sydney’s voice. “It was just Alex,” she answers smiling and placing a comforting hand Sydney’s shoulder.

Her response seems to put Sydney at ease but Sydney remains firm. “Why did you want to learn anyway?” 

Maggie shrugs as she turns to put the helmet away. “The saying is 'you only live once' and when you go through a near death experience sometimes you just think _why the hell wouldn’t I do that_?” When she turns back to Sydney, there’s an extremely displeased look on her face. 

“Maggie, that’s not funny,” Sydney grits out. 

“What? It’s true.” 

Sydney glowers. 

Maggie stares in confusion at how angry Sydney looks. “What? Are you mad at me?” 

“You can’t just joke about life and death,” Sydney chides. 

Maggie crosses her arms defensively. “I wasn’t joking about life and death in a general sense. You asked me why I wanted to learn and I told you why.”

Sydney scrunches in her face in disbelief as she tries to find the words. “Do you not hear yourself? You nearly died and you’re thinking why not learn how to do something that is completely dangerous?”

“I never learned how to ride a motorcycle and I thought why not do something I haven’t done before?” Maggie argues.

“How could you be so cavalier about that?” Sydney throws back as she suddenly starts to walk away from Maggie. 

Maggie throws her hands up in confusion before following Sydney. “Cavalier? I thought it was a good idea and it was, considering we got to do something different.” Sydney doesn’t turn around as Maggie continues to follow her. “Why are you taking this so seriously?” 

“Why aren’t you?” Sydney says as she stops suddenly that Maggie nearly barrels into her. 

Maggie trips over herself to make sure she doesn’t knock them both over, but Sydney is wrapped up in her arms from the sudden stop. 

Sydney pulls herself out of Maggie’s arms. “Do you take anything seriously?” 

Maggie stares at Sydney, completely bewildered. “You know I do. Why are you so mad at me?” Now that she’s close to Sydney, she can actually see how upset Sydney looks. She doesn’t look angry, but frustrated and genuinely scared. “Where is this coming from?” 

“You nearly _died_ ,” Sydney’s voice sounds so small. She rubs her nose as she looks away. 

“I know, I was there,” Maggie responds softly to lighten the mood. 

Sydney sighs out in frustration. “You nearly died. Do you know what that would’ve meant? How everyone would have affected around you?”

Maggie holds her breath. It’s been over a year since the bombing and to be honest she hadn’t thought of it much since it happened. It’s not like she hasn’t but thinking about it doesn’t help her get through life. She can’t think about if she’d died from her brain bleeding out and all the things she’d never get to do like becoming a staff surgeon, seeing her friends again, and being with Sydney. She’s scared to think that everything that she could’ve had never would’ve been hers. She’s scared to think she could’ve died without being anyone important.

“Maggie,” Sydney calls out softly to pull her out of her thoughts. 

Maggie clenches her jaw underneath Sydney’s hand. “It’s fine. I’m fine,” she shakes off quickly. She takes a breath before stepping out of Sydney’s space, trying to free herself of her thoughts. “I get it. Dying would’ve totally sucked and we wouldn’t have been here together.” She can’t help but feel a heavy weight in her chest even as she tries to joke.

Sydney steps closer to Maggie again and reaches for both of her hands. “Maggie, I just don’t want you to joke about your life as if it wasn’t important. You are important to your friends and family and especially to me. You matter so much to me.” 

Maggie feels the weight in her chest shift, lighten even as she exhales. She tries to take in Sydney’s words. “I get it,” she lets out, feeling guilty for making Sydney upset. “I’m sorry I made you upset.” 

Sydney softens. “I didn’t bring it up to make you feel guilty. Sure, I hate that you joke about almost everything, but I just--worry that _you_ think you don’t matter or you’re not important.” 

Maggie bites the inside of her cheek. “That’s fair. I didn’t mean to make it seem like that. It’s just--” Maggie rubs her forehead in frustration. “You’re right. I did almost die and I did think about everyone around me. I just get scared that's all,” she admits. She feels a sense of relief, saying how she really feels for once. “I get scared of all the things I wouldn’t have gotten to do if I died and it just weighs me down. So I have to look on the bright side of things, make a joke or two, it helps me look forward to what I can do now that I am alive.” 

Sydney bites her lip before tugging on Maggie’s jacket to pull her down for a kiss. Sydney kisses her harder than she expects and she feels the air leave her lungs. For a second, she thinks she’s stopped breathing but Sydney sighs as if she’s breathing life back into her. Maggie wraps her arms around Sydney’s shoulders, pulling her closely, as if her life depends on it. 

It feels like they’re kissing forever until Sydney pulls back in breathless pants. 

“No more jokes about your near death experience,” Sydney implores with bright eyes. 

Maggie smiles at how beautiful Sydney looks underneath the cloudy afternoon. “No promises,” she admits as she kisses Sydney’s cheeks playfully. 

“ _Ugh_ , you’re the worst,” Sydney says as she giggles.


	33. xxxiii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they have a conversation about kids and possibly together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its.just.so.fluffyyyyyyyyyy
> 
> get ready for cuteness featuring sydney being tense af and maggie being a goof with mildly melancholic emotions towards the end

There are also things that Sydney learns about Maggie that only makes her more amazing.

They're walking towards the London eye discussing the latest non invasive detection tool for ovarian cancer when they feel something on their legs. Both of them look down and see two small children chasing one another around their legs. While Sydney is mildly unamused by the fact that there are children unattended, Maggie laughs along with the children. 

Maggie takes a step back to let the children know they aren't statues and it startles them when she starts chasing after them.

“Who do you belong to, you _rugrats_?” Maggie demands playfully as she makes like she's out to grab them.

They squeal and giggle as they run around Sydney. 

Sydney stares in alarm at the way Maggie plays with children neither of them know. She completely freaks out when one of the taller ones trip right onto his face. 

“Aiden!” the little girl that was chasing him yells as she stops running. 

Maggie stops playing instantly and kneels down next to the little boy. Sydney is right by her side.

“You should've been more careful,” Sydney can’t help but scold as she reaches out before Maggie for the little boy. 

Aiden turns on his back and sits up with tears already forming. There's a nasty cut on his chin. 

“He just got a little excited,” Maggie reasons as Sydney inspects the rest of his body. “Didn't you buddy?”

Aiden nods his head sadly because while the excitement dissipates, the pain does start to settle. 

“I was talking to you, Maggie,” Sydney points out before turning to the boy, trying to soften her disposition. “Are you hurt anywhere else?” Sydney asks as she sets down her bag next to them and starts rifling through for her first aid kit. 

“Is he going to be okay?” the little girl asks with worry across her face.

“No signs of broken bones, no loss of consciousness, just an abrasion on his chin,” Sydney reports. She pulls out a pen light and flashes it in Aiden’s eyes. “Pupils equal and responsive and reactive to light.”

Maggie stares at Sydney in disbelief. She decides to intercept the girl with, “He’s going to be okay. What’s your name?”

“Lily,” she answers as she stares at Sydney curiously. “What was that lady saying?”

Maggie suppresses a laugh as she places her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “Lily, where your parents are?”

At that, Lily looks around. 

It doesn't take long when they hear a woman calling, “Aiden?! Lily?!”

“Mummy!” Lily responds quickly, moving to the voice but Maggie holds her back so she doesn’t lost again. 

“We're over here, ma’am!” Maggie moves to stand as she sees a young woman about her age approach them.

She looks exhausted as she tugs her purse over her shoulder before kneeling to meet Lily’s hug. “You scared me! Where is your brother?”

Maggie steps aside back to Sydney. Sydney finishes putting a bandaid on his chin and peels off her gloves. 

“Wow, you are _very_ prepared,” Maggie points out playfully as she helps Aiden up. 

Sydney narrows her eyes at Maggie. She quickly gathers her kit and scraps before standing to meet Maggie and the family. 

“Mum, the lady fixed me!” Aiden says as he points to his chin happily. “She says I don’t got signs of a _cun cushion_ but she thinks I still need to get checked out by a doctor.”

Maggie stifles a laugh beside Sydney as the mother gives an impressed look at Sydney. 

“I am so sorry if they caused you any trouble,” the woman says as she stands to meet them. “Usually I have a better handle on them.”

Sydney opens her mouth to respond but Maggie interjects quickly with, “It’s fine. It happens to the best of us.”

The woman smiles. “Either of you have kids?”

Both of them answer no.

What surprises Sydney next is when the woman asks if either of them wants kids and they don't hesitate to answer _yes_. She stares at Maggie, surprised by her response, missing the rest of the conversation. Her imagination fills with images of a little girl or little boy with Maggie’s adorable nose and black hair running around. Maggie notices the stare when she glances at Sydney. 

“Your child is going to be very lucky to have two doctors,” the mother says drawing Sydney’s attention.

Before Sydney can correct the woman, Maggie says, “I would hope so,” as she wraps an arm around Sydney’s waist. There's a cheeky smile on Maggie’s face that has Sydney scoffing.

“She’s trouble,” Sydney bluntly responds. “I am sure if she didn't join in, this wouldn't have happened.”

Maggie looks at Sydney, feigning offense. “Just throw me under the bus.”

The mother doesn’t seemed bothered by it. In fact, she lets out a laugh. “If I wasn't playing with them, I wouldn't have lost them.”

Sydney furrows her brows. “That doesn't sound very responsible.”

Maggie cuts in as the mother stares stunned, “And on that note, we should be going.” She turns Sydney the opposite direction to distract her from speaking. “It was nice to meet you ma’am. Have a good day!” 

Sydney looks back over her shoulder, with Maggie still firmly guiding her forward. “Don't forget to follow up with a doctor!”

Maggie giggles as she throws an arm around Sydney’s shoulder to pull her in close. “We really have to work on your tact.”

“I am just letting her know that it is irresponsible to play with her children in public at the risk of losing them, which she in fact did.” Sydney lets out more passionately than she realizes because Maggie is staring at her affectionately as they stop by a trash can. 

Maggie is in her bag, taking out the gloves, wipes, and bandaid wrapper she used for the little boy. “They were just having fun, no harm, no foul.”

“I could've gotten that,” Sydney grumbles at Maggie instinctively cleaning up after her. She purses her lips with a glance up at Maggie to argue. “You say no harm, no foul, but it could've been a lot worse than a scraped chin. It only looked worse than it actually was.”

“Kids are very resilient, you know that. A fall and scrape isn’t going to kill them. You saw he got right back up with new vocabulary even!”

“That doesn't excuse the parent’s behavior. Who knows what could’ve--hmpf--!!”

Maggie pulls Sydney into a hard kiss quickly. Of course, Sydney melts into her because Maggie _knows_ how to kiss her. She enjoys it thoroughly because it makes her forget whatever frustration and worry she hangs onto. It feels like they're kissing forever, until they pull apart to breathe.

“What was that for?” she asks breathlessly.

“Because I wanted to,” Maggie states as a matter of fact. “But also to stop you from arguing.”

Sydney glares. “I wasn't arguing. I was merely stating a fact.”

“Parenting styles vary from person to person. A little bit of fun never hurts.”

“Are you implying that I am not fun?”

Maggie narrows her eyes, mulling over her answer in her mouth. “I wouldn't say you aren't fun...just...strict?”

Sydney gapes.  “Excuse me, I am _not_ **strict**. I am not some school teacher with a ruler.”

Maggie pauses at her thought and Sydney slaps her shoulder.

“Are you thinking of me as a school teacher with a ruler right now?” Sydney chides with a blush on her cheeks.

“Not at all, Dr. Katz,” Maggie pecks her on the nose. 

“Why am I attracted to you?”

“Because of my alluring personality and my magnificent brain,” Maggie gesticulates playfully before she pulls Sydney towards the line for the London Eye.

Sydney rolls her eyes as Maggie tugs her along.

It's not until they reach the top of the London eye with another 2 couples that Sydney finds herself looking out towards the city besides Maggie. 

Maybe it was the evening light, hitting the curved glass and settling on Maggie’s face that makes her look so warm and comforting. A bit like home after being out in a cold wintry day. 

“Maggie,” Sydney calls softly. Maggie glances at her quizzically. “Earlier, you said you wanted kids. Is that true?”

Maggie doesn't realize it, but her demeanor changes. Sydney can tell by the way her jaw ticks and back straightens. She doesn't answer right away, but she nods. “Yes, who wouldn't want kids?” she asks rhetorically with levity in her voice.

“I just wondered...because after the miscarriage, things changed for you…” she trails off hoping Maggie would respond.

Maggie nods, unconsciously crossing her arms to secure herself. “If I am being honest, I don’t think I ever planned on having children because I was so focused on my residency and fellowship. Then I got pregnant and I thought about how everything was going to change and how I actually did want a family. At the end of the day, I wanted to come home to something warm and comforting. I wanted to have a daughter or a son I could be a real parent to, to give something I wish I had as a kid.” Her eyes shine with hope in the evening light.

Sydney reaches for Maggie’s hand before leaning up to kiss her on the cheek. “You’d be great mother, Maggie.”

“Of course, I’d be a great mother.” Just like that, Maggie breaks the spell, uncrossing her arms to pull Sydney into a hug. “You’d be a great mom too, Syd. Except you would be the strict one between us remember?”

Sydney doesn't even care to argue because her heart swells at the thought of them having children together.


	34. xxxiv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> conversations about religion and all that domesticity

While Sydney takes massive pride in being able to remember details about Maggie, Maggie has surprised her yet again.

It's been a week since Maggie’s arrival and Sydney intends to prepare her last couple of full days with Maggie before going back to work. 

“Did you want to go out to dinner today or should we stay in?” Sydney asks from the bathroom. She pulls up her hair and reaches for her toothbrush. 

Maggie doesn’t answer right away but Sydney can hear her footsteps towards the bathroom. “It’s Friday,” she notes aloud as she makes her way to the toilet. 

Sydney shoots her attention straight to the mirror when Maggie drops her pants to start peeing. “You didn't want to wait?” she mumbles before brushing her teeth.

Maggie sighs with relief before remarking, “You’ve seen me naked. I don't know how this could possibly make you uncomfortable.” 

“I’m just not used to it,” Sydney spits out. “It’s very…”

Maggie finishes and wipes herself before playfully bumping Sydney’s hips to clean her hands. “It’s very what?” Maggie follows up. She grabs her own toothbrush and starts brushing her teeth beside her.

“Domestic,” Sydney mumbles through her toothbrush.

Maggie smiles over her toothbrush and continues as if it doesn't make a difference. 

For Sydney it does. In just a week, they've gotten comfortable with each other and it’s a wonder to Sydney that they aren't sick of each other. 

Lost in her thoughts about all the blissful and tumultuous time they've spent together in the last week, she doesn't realize that Maggie is already done brushing her teeth.

“So, I was saying that it’s Friday,” Maggie begins, feeling extremely comfortable standing there as Sydney continues to brush her teeth. Sydney can only make a sound as she waits for Maggie to elaborate. “Shabbat?”

Sydney’s eyes widen and she spits out her toothpaste. “You remembered it was Shabbat?” she asks in shock. 

Maggie taps her fingers against the counter and bites her lip nervously. “I don’t see why I wouldn't remember. You leave early on Fridays.”

Sydney gargles water quickly before wiping her mouth. “I do, but I mean you're here…”

“I am here for three weeks. I wouldn't mind if you needed to do something for Shabbat. I mean if you still do. I remember overhearing you talking to your parents at the hospital during your visit. I wasn't sure…”

Sydney remembers distinctly what she says to her parents. And she shouldn't be surprised that Maggie overheard. “I was being childish,” she admits. “I shouldn't have said that to them to be honest, I was just frustrated by how they were acting.”

Maggie nods, understanding exactly what Sydney means and it brings comfort to her. She slips an arm around Sydney's waist to pull her in. “So do you go to a synagogue or do you stay home?” 

Sydney stares at Maggie in wonder. “I go to one here. Not as often as I used to when I was in Toronto, but when I feel like I need to, it helps.” She stares as Maggie nods. She isn't sure what Maggie is hoping for her to say. “I don’t need to go. Three weeks is hardly the longest time I've missed Shabbat at a synagogue.”

“Well I don't want you to miss it if it's still something you do,” Maggie reasons. “I wouldn't ask you to stop going like you wouldn't ask me why I don’t go to the temple.”

“Why don’t you go to the temple?” Sydney deflects with ease, seeking a nugget of information Maggie rarely shares.

“My father was a terrible Buddhist and so am I. Religion just wasn't a big part of my life what with my father always away and my mom...” Maggie shrugs at the mention of her mom before forging on. "My step mother never really cared either." Maggie adds quickly with a chirp. It is obviously unimportant to Maggie's life and she's unbothered by it. “Look, I am not going to ask you to stop going to the synagogue, just so you know. I respect that about you, I always have. If you want to keep going I want to support you.”

Sydney lets Maggie’s sweet words settle in. It's such a kind and simple gesture, she wonders why it feels like such a surprise coming from Maggie. It is very like Maggie to be understanding of everyone. She's kind and compassionate beyond what people sometimes deserve. 

“Do you maybe want to come with me?” Sydney asks carefully.

Maggie smiles before kissing her forehead. “Of course, I'll come.”

Sydney almost regrets offering Maggie to join her at the synagogue. It had taken her awhile to find a reformed Jewish synagogue that she’s felt comfortable going to on a semi-regular basis. It had eased her mind that in theory, her faith could still accept her for who she was and that she could still worship and find comfort. However, she felt like she was being tested now. 

What she had tried to hide from her herself for over a decade was now facing her faith. 

She shouldn’t feel regret. Maggie clearly cares about her and adores her. It’s evident in the time and care they’ve both put into this relationship. It’s extremely evident in the way that Maggie is still conscious and respectful of religion in their relationship. 

She can’t help but feel a sense of apprehension as they make their way through the synagogue doors. 

It’s not that she was ashamed of Maggie. She had spoken very highly to her Rabbi about Maggie and how weary she was about entering a relationship with someone that she had strong feelings for. He had been understanding, listening with open ears and mind, as he helped her navigate her through the tumultuous emotions. 

Like what she wished her father would do, Rabbi Hoffman had always told Sydney that the doors were always open to both Sydney and Maggie. 

“How ironic,” Maggie teases as she shakes Rabbi Hoffman’s hand. 

Sydney shoots Maggie a look that screams don’t be rude. 

Rabbi Hoffman doesn’t seem to mind, letting out a light laugh. “You must be referring to Sydney’s former fiance,” he banters easily with Maggie. 

Maggie laughs. “Exactly that,” she ribs at Sydney.

Sydney blushes at being the subject of embarrassment. “I didn’t bring you here to make fun of me,” she holds her head up high. “I won’t take it from either of you.” 

Rabbi Hoffman doesn’t seem to mind Sydney as he nods in agreement. “Of course, Sydney, we won’t spend the whole evening embarrassing you. It’s just very nice to see you after you missed last week’s prayers.”

“Oh, that was my fault,” Maggie apologizes quickly without any fear of repercussions. 

“It isn’t anyone’s fault,” Sydney defends. “Maggie flew in from Toronto last Friday and I was afraid she’d be exhausted from her trip.” 

Maggie raises her eyebrows at Sydney, knowing full well that neither of them were exhausted. Sydney does her best to avoid Maggie’s pointed stares. 

Unfortunately, Rabbi Hoffman notices and instead of letting it drop, he nods as if he understands. “We are not as strict as you think we might be.” However, his words clearly betray an ignorance he tries to play. “And one of the many activities we encourage during Shabbat is- _ahem_ -marital relations.” 

“Rabbi Hoffman!” Sydney turns bright red with embarrassment. She stands there helpless as Maggie tries to contain her laughter and Rabbi Hoffman walks off to prepare for prayer. 


	35. xxxv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sydney is caught a little off guard when maggie comes by to deliver lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this turned real inappropriate real quick but no regrets no sorry for the smut they have a compassionate and passionate relationship and maggie's not afraid to cash in on that and sydney doesnt mind it much either

Sydney hates that Maggie can talk her into anything. 

Maybe it’s actually her fault for wanting to give in to Maggie. Her curiosity has always gotten the better of her and Maggie isn’t the type to leave well enough alone. 

Sydney goes back to work after a week of spending time with Maggie. She should feel a bit guilty about taking time off of work, but it’s worth it for her. She feels more refreshed coming back and looks forward to the time she can spend with Maggie when she gets out. 

The clarity in her mind and levity in her heart makes it easier to test which resident has promise. 

Sydney appears before the group of them with a case she has. It should be easy enough. After two deliveries and a couple of labs that morning, an afternoon surgery should grab some interest. 

“I have a case,” she announces and of course, they are all eager to see what she has to say. There's a small group of four that flock to her. “I’ve got an 18 year old female, sexually active, presenting with significant vulval swelling within the last 3 days.” 

“Vaginal cyst,” Rose blurts out, her bright blue eyes twinkling with interest.

Sydney hates the interruption but she lets it slide for enthusiasm. She continues with the report. “Patient noticed the lump in the last two weeks and has reported growth in the last three days. She has been sexually active since she was 15 years old. She currently has one partner and she complains of dyspareunia along with discomfort wearing jeans and walking.” 

“Maybe an abscess?” Mickey offers, unsure - of course obstetrics isn't his area of expertise. He makes that known.

“What kind of abscess?” Sydney shoots back. 

Mickey visibly scrambles through his head for a response. It takes a bit too long before he blurts out, “Perianal abscess?” 

Sydney shakes her head. “Physical assessment of the patient found a lump located on right side on the posterior of the labia. Significant redness, tension, and tenderness to touch.” 

“STD maybe? Gonorrhoea?” Clara throws out. 

Sydney sighs before crossing her arms. “Patient cleared a screening six months ago. Unilateral posterior vulval swelling presenting as asymptomatic until three days ago. What else can it be?” she all but demands. It can be a tricky case, but if they’d study they would know there were more options. 

In the back, despite being the tallest, Martha raises her hand carefully. “Bartholin’s abscess?”

Sydney feels relieved that someone was able to come up with the correct answer. “Good job, Martha,” she doles the simple praise to the resident. “What are possible treatments for Bartholin’s abscess?” 

Martha fumbles at this, which annoys Sydney. _How do you know just one part of the answer?_

“Word catheter,” a new voice joins the crowd. 

It catches everyone’s attention because it’s definitely one they haven’t heard before. Sydney instantly recognizes the voice and smiles as everyone turns to see who it is. 

Maggie stands in the crowd with a smile on her face, wearing casual clothing that throws everyone in scrubs off. “Or if she wants to hop back on it sooner, _marsupialization_ ,” she adds jokingly. 

The residents stare at Maggie completely horrified at how she responds but Sydney rolls her eyes. 

“Everyone this is Dr. Maggie Lin, one of my former students visiting from Hope Zion in Toronto,” Sydney introduces casually. She tries not to smile to maintain some professionalism, but it’s hard when Maggie is there.

Maggie keeps it simple, waving at everyone but keeping her attention on Sydney. “Don’t let her ride you too hard. She just wants you to do well.”

“Thank you, Dr. Lin, for your suggestions,” Sydney interrupts as she steps forward towards Martha to hand her the file. “Take an hour to research both methods Dr. Lin suggested and we will present them to the patient later today.”

Martha nods quickly but she, like the other residents, doesn’t quite leave yet. 

Sydney feels their eyes roaming and she turns around. “I am sure the doctor has given you your assignments already, get to them!” she shoos bluntly. 

They all nod diligently before turning to walk away. Sydney is sure they are lingering to find out who her guest is, but she’s already guiding Maggie in the opposite direction. 

“As much as I appreciate your beautiful brain, this is a teaching hospital,” Sydney reminds casually. “You should’ve let the residents answer that.” 

Maggie blows a raspberry. “As if they knew the answer. Bartholin’s abscess is always commonly mistaken for a run of the mill cyst. You were getting annoyed waiting for their response anyway.” 

“I was not,” Sydney denies as they reach the elevator. 

“You had the same look on your face when I made that stat section joke,” Maggie reminds as she brushes Sydney’s cheek affectionately. 

Sydney unconsciously shies away from the touch much to Maggie’s dismay. “Sorry,” she apologizes quickly before glancing around, “the residents have much to say about my personal life and I haven’t made it easy for them to uncover anything.” 

Maggie preens at this. “Dr. Katz, am I your _dirty little secret_?” she whispers dramatically.

Sydney furrows her brows. “You are _not_ a dirty little secret, Maggie,” she denies instantly. Before she can say anything else, the elevator doors open and she waits to get on. 

There are still a few people on the elevator that Sydney glances around at before trying to make casual conversation with Maggie. 

“What brings you here this afternoon?” Sydney asks, keeping a friendly distance away from Maggie. 

Maggie holds up a paper bag between them. “I was on this side of the city and I thought you might have time for lunch,” she answers proudly. “Avocado chicken sandwiches? I made sure they were kosher.” 

Sydney smiles as the elevator stops and lets off more people until it’s just the two of them surprisingly. “For you? I will make time,” she says, taking the bag and reaching for Maggie’s hand. “I was just caught a little off guard.” 

“I hope it’s alright,” Maggie says. “I asked one of the nurses where I could find you. I wasn’t expecting you to be teaching at this time.” 

“It’s been a bit busy this morning so I wanted to see which promising resident would want to scrub in on a simple procedure after lunch.” 

The elevator doors open up to a floor that looks far less busy than the others. 

“Where are we going?” Maggie asks as Sydney pulls her along.

“To my office, away from prying eyes of residents and nurses,” Sydney answers. “I forget that every hospital is basically a minefield for gossip. I prefer very much to stay off their radar if necessary.”

“How can you make any friends by flying under the radar?” 

Sydney shrugs. “I have friends, but I don’t need the whole hospital knowing every aspect of my life.”

Sydney doesn’t mind having a few friends. She’d never been the type to care much of other people’s opinion about her personality. Secretly, she does, but what quickly became more important to her was what people thought of how she did her job. To be honest, the only person’s opinion that really matters is Maggie’s most presently. 

With the way that Maggie understands and doesn’t press her only brings comfort to Sydney that Maggie was the one for her. 

They reach Sydney’s office and it’s in no way as big as Maggie’s but it’s functional in the way that Sydney sets it up. Sydney pays attention to the way Maggie moves around the office, staring at her bookshelf, plants along the windowsill, and runs her fingers across the immaculately neat desk. She tries not to get self conscious by distracting herself with unpacking lunch onto the small coffee table for them to eat. 

“Your office is very nice,” Maggie says as she stops in front of the cactus that has a little bow on it and smiles affectionately at its presence.

Sydney settles into the small couch that will probably just fit them both. “It’s not as big as your office, but it serves its purpose.” 

Maggie shares a light laugh. “To be honest, my office is unnecessarily large. It took me forever to furnish it.”

Sydney pats the space next to her for Maggie to sit down. “I would apologize that my couch isn’t as large as yours but I don’t usually sleep on it,” she jokes. 

“How _funny_.” Maggie sarcastically laughs as she peels off her jacket to drape on one of the chairs before Sydney’s desk. “I feel like it’s a long running joke that I sleep way too often at the hospital.” She takes her seat right next to Sydney, leaving absolutely no space between them. 

Sydney doesn’t mind as they press side by side against each other. She throws her arm around Maggie’s shoulder and sinks into the small couch. “You do a lot for the hospital.” She kisses Maggie’s temple before breathing her in. Luckily for her Maggie makes it easy and cuddles up against her, throwing an arm around her waist. “I would suggest some changes, but I’m sure you wouldn’t listen.” 

Maggie hums. “Probably not,” she agrees.

They settle into cuddling one another and Sydney briefly forgets about lunch as she revels in Maggie’s warmth. It’s funny how it seems there are moments when they don’t touch one another, leaving a respectable distance between them, and there are other moments where they can’t seem to let go of each other. Sydney doesn’t mind it one bit. Being in physical contact with Maggie feels so second nature to her. And it’s all she ever really wants. 

“You know,” Maggie begins suddenly, breaking their quiet moment, “it’s been awhile since I’ve seen you at work.” 

“Hmm, it has been awhile,” Sydney agrees, wondering where Maggie was going with this.

“It was really hot,” Maggie states bluntly. 

Sydney clears her throat as the warmth creeps up her neck. “That’s not true,” she humbly lets out as she looks at Maggie. 

“Oh, it’s true Syd.” Maggie’s hand at her waist grips her more firmly before caressing her. She stares back at Sydney, eyes shining with mischief. There’s a playful wiggle of her eyebrows. “Tough love is one of your most attractive traits. I’m into that.”

Sydney sits up straighter as she tries to brush off Maggie from her joking. But she distinctly remembers Maggie saying that. “That’s hardly professional.” 

“You say that but I remember you kissed me first,” Maggie reminds as she doesn’t relinquish her grip on Sydney’s waist. She further encourages Sydney to turn towards her. “And I think that we are both very attracted to each other in the professional setting.” Her hand grows bolder at her waist, stroking her side with intention. Maggie brings up her other hand to grasp her neck, thumb tucking underneath the sensitive spot behind her ear. 

Sydney shivers, wondering how Maggie knows exactly where to touch her. She feels Maggie’s warm breath against her face and it feels like a shroud drawing her in. 

Their lips meet and again, Sydney finds herself forgetting what she was thinking about as she focuses on Maggie’s lips kissing hers. Her body warms and a pool of heat settles in her belly. She feels like a fire has been lit inside of her as she kisses Maggie back with more passion. 

Maggie smiles against her lips, only adding to her excitement. She can’t help but wonder why Maggie always seems to smile when they kiss and it just makes Sydney smile too. 

Suddenly, Sydney feels a hand underneath her knee and she’s being drawn onto Maggie’s lap. 

Sydney breaks the kiss as she tries to reorient her body. She’s straddling Maggie and Maggie leans in to kiss along her jawline before going for her neck. A moan slips from her lips and she grasps Maggie’s shoulders tightly. Both of Maggie’s hands are at her waist, caressing her up and down and pulling her in. 

“Ma-ggie, we shouldn’t--” Sydney pants out as Maggie’s lips close around the base of her neck. Her thought falls short as Maggie sucks gently. 

“You’re just irresistible like this,” Maggie utters hotly against her neck. Her hands both slip underneath her scrub top and Sydney jerks against Maggie’s body. “You don’t even know it.” She’s in scrubs after a long morning of surgeries and it surprises her that Maggie can still be this attracted to her. “You are so smart.” She keeps kissing up and down Sydney’s neck. “You work so hard.” She groans softly as her fingers press into the smooth plane of Sydney’s back. “It makes me want you all the time.” 

It feels like a spell. The way Maggie speaks to her. The way she touches her. Sydney lets Maggie take the lead even though in the back of her mind, there are very rational things she should be concerned about. _Is the door locked? What if someone comes in? What if someone hears us?_ Her body is thrumming. The wetness pools between her legs. 

“Maggie--” Sydney moans as she rolls her hips unconsciously. She bites her lips before cupping Maggie’s cheeks to kiss her. “We’re in my office…”

Maggie raises her eyebrows in wonder. “Do you want to stop?” she rasps. She moves a hand from Sydney’s back to cup her breast. 

Sydney lets out a shuddering breath. “Maggie, that’s not fair,” she gasps as Maggie’s hand squeezes. She holds onto Maggie’s hand against her breast over her shirt. “You make it very hard for me to say no.” 

“Then don’t, Syd,” Maggie encourages as she massages her breast. “Let me see you undone.” She lets go of Sydney’s back and Sydney shifts forward to keep herself from falling. 

“You h- _ave_ ,” Sydney groans into Maggie’s shoulder. 

Maggie kisses her cheek gently. 

Sydney jumps when she feels Maggie’s hand slip between her legs. She picks up her head to stare at Maggie in alarm because now she’s knows Maggie is being serious. She knows Maggie wants to feel her. She lets out another moan while Maggie’s hand rubs between her legs. She’s embarrassed because she’s sure Maggie can feel how hot she is and she feels the way her damp panties press against her. 

“Can I make you come undone here?” Maggie quietly demands as she tilts her head so they can kiss again. “Now?” 

Sydney kisses back, fingers carding through Maggie’s hair. She moves her hips against Maggie’s hand, encouraging her by the second. “Ok- _ay_ , _okay_ ,” she shakily breathes out as she relaxes against Maggie. There’s rush of adrenaline through her veins as she gives in to her burgeoning desire. “Maggie, take me.”

Maggie smiles from ear to ear before leaning up to kiss Sydney harder than before. It nearly knocks her back but Sydney reaches for Maggie’s shoulders to keep steady. Maggie reaches around her back to draw her even closer and her other hand toys with the waistband of her scrubs. 

Sydney sucks in a breath as Maggie’s nails gently scratch at her sensitive stomach before dipping underneath her panties. She pulls back from kissing Maggie with a quiet whimper. There’s difficulty remaining quiet with the way Maggie teases her. “Maggie, _please_ ,” she groans. 

Maggie hushes her and mutters something about not being heard. Sydney barely pays attention because Maggie’s hand slips into her scrubs and she feels Maggie’s fingers sliding between her folds. She gasps loudly, raising her hips in surprise. It feels _so_ good. She’s past embarrassment; it barely registers in her mind because Maggie’s fingers dance between her folds, gathering the wetness that’s been pooling there since they started kissing.

All Sydney can do is focus on maintaining control of herself. She isn’t in her apartment where they _really_ shower each other with love. She’s in her office in the hospital where she works. Her heart pounds inside of her chest as the fear of being caught comes back. This time the anxiety settles differently inside of her, in fact, it makes the tension in her belly grow. 

She feels like she’s falling as Maggie teases her entrance. Sydney can’t help but grind her hips down against Maggie’s fingers. She bites her lip to stop herself from demanding more. 

Maggie pushes two fingers inside of her, achingly slow and deeply intense. The pads of her fingers press against her walls and she moves them as if she’s exploring Sydney. 

Sydney gasps. Her hips jerk for more contact. 

“You feel so good, _Syd_ ,” Maggie whispers emphatically. She gently thrusts against Sydney’s jerking hips. “I love how you feel around my fingers.” Her hand squeezes her breast more firmly and trails down her chest to her hips. 

Sydney feels like she’s floating on a cloud as she moves her hips against Maggie’s thrusts. There are no words that can describe to Maggie how she feels. All she settles with are quiet gasps and whines as she rides Maggie’s fingers. She feels her body guided by Maggie’s hand at her waist. 

She grips Maggie’s shoulder tightly as she continues to ride her hand. It must be uncomfortable for Maggie. The angle is all wrong and it could hurt her, but it feels so good to Sydney. Maggie’s fingers curl inside of her just right as she drops her hips. 

Maggie obviously knows her affect on Sydney. Their eyes meet briefly and Sydney can tell by the way Maggie’s eyes darken with arousal that this is how Maggie wants her: struggling to maintain control while being debauched. 

Maggie raises an eyebrow with smirk on her lips. She presses her thumb firmly against her clit and rubs in small circles. Sydney’s eyes slam shut and she opens her mouth to a silent scream. Her whole body shakes as the new sensation hits all of her nerves and she’s gasping for more. 

“I can feel how close you are,” Maggie growls quietly. She sits up straight against Sydney and thrusts deeply inside of her. Her fingers scissor slowly to massage her walls. Maggie slowly twists her wrist until she feels a particular spot of flesh that makes Sydney cry out. 

Neither of them are fast enough to stop the sound from coming out. Sydney drops her head into Maggie’s shoulder, feeling her body getting hotter than before. She can barely care anymore. All she wants to do is come.

Maggie strokes her back comfortingly. “I’m right here,” she soothes as Sydney’s walls flutter around her fingers. “I’ll take care of you.” 

Sydney nods desperately at Maggie’s words. Her begging is muffled into Maggie’s shoulders. She groans inwardly as Maggie’s lips find her neck again. She lets Maggie have her in more ways than one, giving her all that she has to offer. She wants to give in. There’s a sense of pleasure and bliss when she gives into Maggie. 

Maggie doesn’t just take. She turns what Sydney offers into something more. And Maggie licks and nips at Sydney’s neck, knowing that her nerves stand at attention, excited. She thrusts harder, her wrist burning at the awkward angle, but she’s dying to have Sydney come undone. She’s so close. 

“Let go, Sydney,” Maggie hums. She pushes another finger inside and Sydney’s walls seize around her fingers. “That’s it. Let go, Syd, I’m right here.” 

Sydney does just that. She lets go. Her thighs clamp around Maggie’s waist and she can feel her walls flutter around Maggie’s fingers. The tension breaks inside of her and a deluge washes over her. She feels like her mind is flung into the skies, finding a cloud high in the heavens. The only sensation that draws her back is Maggie. She breathes in deeply, trying to catch her breath as she comes down from her orgasm. The euphoria creeps inside of her to draw a smile on her lips as she stares at Maggie. 

“You are going to be the death of me,” Sydney quips, trying to catch her breath as the oxygen fills her lungs again. Her hands come up to stroke Maggie’s cheeks once more before she drops a sweet kiss on her lips. 

“I better not be,” Maggie jokes in return. She shifts Sydney slightly, just enough to pull her hand out of her scrubs. “I thought we weren’t making life and death jokes anymore.” She playfully adds. Her hands find Sydney’s waist again. 

Sydney rolls her eyes. “It’s a figure of speech and you know it.” She still tries to catch her breath as her mind catches up to her body. It’s a slow race because Sydney still feels like she’s on a cloud. 

Maggie laughs against her before wrapping her arms around Sydney, pulling her into a hug. Sydney doesn’t mind it as she does the same, still straddling Maggie’s lap. 

Before they can even settle, the door clicks open and there’s a gasp. Sydney barely has time to move off Maggie’s lap from the intrusion. All she sees is Martha standing in the doorway, looking shocked before quickly backing out and shutting the door. 

Maggie stifles a laugh as Sydney climbs off her lap. “What was that?” 

There’s a knock on the door and luckily, Sydney is settled as she responds, “Come in.”

The door slowly opens and Martha peers in, despite her brown skin, they can both tell she’s blushing. She holds a folder close to her as she struggles to meet their eyes. 

“Dr. Katz, I’m so sorry,” Martha immediately starts. “I just had a question about this case that’s all.”

Sydney looks at her watch, knowing she gave an hour for the resident to research. She is about to say something scathing when she feels Maggie’s hand at her thigh. The look on her face is already chiding Sydney.

Instead of saying anything heated, Sydney takes a breath and tries her best to kindly say, “Martha, can you wait outside for a moment? I'll be right out.”

Martha is surprised by this, very much expecting a different outcome. “Okay, Dr. Katz, thank you!” she says quickly before retreating out of the door again.

When Martha is gone, Sydney shoots a look at Maggie. “What was that for?”

Maggie laughs. “You were going to yell at the poor girl.”

“I gave her an hour to research and if she had any questions, they should be answered through the research she should’ve done.” Sydney gets up and finds her legs shaky. She tries to ignore this but there’s a shit eating grin on Maggie’s face as she sits back into the couch. Sydney can feel her panties ruined and a thin layer of sweat formed. She grabs her backpack and pulls out a second set of scrubs and underwear. 

“Oh, so you’re mad that she interrupted us?” Maggie points out playfully as Sydney pulls off her scrubs. 

Sydney blushes at the way Maggie stares at her. It’s very distracting. “Stop looking at me like that,” she warns. 

“Like what?” Maggie feigns innocence. 

“Like you’ve seen me naked,” Sydney clarifies. She rolls her eyes because Maggie is relentless. Instead of arguing, she turns away from Maggie to change. 

“View isn’t bad from here either,” Maggie points out with a laugh. 

Sydney throws a glare over her shoulder, while dropping her pants. “You are such a troublemaker.”

“Another quality that you find very attractive.” 

“Oh, far from it,” Sydney scoffs through her new scrub top. 

“You wound me, D _r. Katz._ ” 

Sydney pulls on her pants and turns to meet Maggie. “Get over yourself, _Dr. Lin_ ,” she teases.

Maggie smiles brightly, knowing she would definitely not. Especially because it’s an undeniable fact that Sydney likes her so much. 

Sydney can’t help but smile either as she throws on her white coat and walks towards the door. As she walks by, Maggie reaches for her hand quickly.

“What about lunch?” Maggie asks, pointing to the abandoned sandwiches. 

Sydney looks back at Maggie affectionately before bending down to kiss Maggie on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a minute and I’ll let you know.” 

Maggie smiles and squeezes her hand before letting go. 

When Sydney meets Martha, the resident barely gets her questions out by how distracted she is. Sydney wants to put the resident out of her misery, but they manage to forge through. Sydney tries to be helpful but she does encourage Martha to be more resourceful in the future. And Martha takes it in stride, with the exception of how distracted she is.

“What is your burning question, Dr. Jones?” Sydney huffs after answering Martha's questions.

Martha looks startled, clearly trying not to be noticeable. Sydney all but demands an answer with her stare and Martha slowly gestures generally. She stammers out, “Dr. Katz, you have--uh-uhm--your neck.”  

“What’s wrong with my neck?” 

Martha clears her throat. “Dr. Lin left a mark…”

Sydney feels the heat instantly rush to her face, but she straightens her back and subtly tugs at her white coat. “If that's all, you are free to go. Page me when you are done.”

“Maybe it's best if you page me,” Martha blurts out.

Sydney’s eyes widen and Martha looks alarmed before rushing off. Sydney just rubs her forehead in disbelief before going back into her office.

Sydney officially hates that Maggie can talk her into anything.


	36. xxxvi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie meets one of sydney's friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII have a lot of feelings about posting the rest of this story

Maggie feels slightly bad for encouraging Sydney to have sex in her office. Only _slightly_ because she can’t get the image of Sydney’s face riding her fingers out of her head. 

“I hope you’re not mad at me,” Maggie prods gently as they eat their sandwiches. 

Sydney’s blush still hasn’t gone away since she told Maggie about the hickey that she left on her. Maggie doesn’t really regret doing that either. “I’m not mad, just a little embarrassed,” she admits.

“About?” Maggie curiously asks. 

Sydney swallows her sandwich before answering. “We were having sex in my office like horny residents.” Maggie opens her mouth to comment when she raises her hand. “Don’t.” She pushes Maggie shoulder. “You really are a bad influence aren’t you?”

Maggie shrugs. “Only when I want something,” she responds playfully. She leans in quickly to steal a kiss. Sydney only looks disgruntled because her mouth is full of food. “I’ll try not to do it again. You know, for the sake of your reputation.” 

Sydney rolls her eyes. “I highly doubt that.” 

Maggie bumps her shoulder playfully with Sydney. “It’s because you’re so attractive.” 

“You are too, which is why I won’t say no.”

Maggie raises her eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. She’s glad she doesn’t because clearly, Sydney didn’t realize that she even said that. 

Before she can say anything else, there’s a knock on the door. Sydney doesn’t have a chance to respond because the door swings open with a, “ _Yoohoo_ , Dr. Katz, I hope you’re decent!” 

Maggie nearly chokes at the obviously feigned feminine voice. 

There’s a man that pops his head inside of the office with a strong jaw and bright smile on his face. He glances around the room before entering without being prompted. “Well, _hello_ there,” he instantly flirts, reaching out for a handshake. “Dr. Jack Harkness. Plastic surgeon.”  

“Hello to you too,” Maggie greets, taking his hand. She’s unsure of how to respond as she looks at Sydney, who just looks very annoyed. 

“Dr. Harkness, come into my office,” Sydney sarcastically says as she continues to eat her sandwich. 

Jack ignores her and sits on the arm of the couch next to Sydney. He throws his arm around Sydney and stares at Maggie with curiosity. “And who are you, button nose?” 

Maggie scrunches up her nose at the instant nickname. “I’m Maggie,” she answers, sitting up straight by the affectionate way Jack touches Sydney. She knows that she doesn’t have anything to worry about, but Sydney does not seem bothered by Jack at all. 

“You’re Maggie!” he realizes with excitement. It’s an excitement that Maggie is all too familiar with. He rubs Sydney’s shoulder. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Syd talks about you all the time.”

Maggie hates how the excitement in his voice is all too familiar and definitely hates the way Jack is _touching_ Sydney. “She’s never mentioned you,” she deadpans. She’s trying to be reasonable but she _really_ doesn’t like Jack touching her Sydney. 

Jack perks up at this to Maggie’s surprise. He nudges Sydney in his arm and opens his mouth to say something that Maggie doesn’t expect, “Jealousy looks good on your girlfriend.” He looks at Maggie with a proud look on his face. “I’m assuming that you’ve been leaving hickeys on the good doctor.” 

Sydney turns red and finally reacts to Jack, pushing his arm off her shoulder. “Jack, this is exactly why I don’t tell my friends about you.” 

Maggie raises her eyebrows at the way Sydney reacts. To be honest, she isn’t sure how she is supposed to react because she doesn’t know which affects her more, being called Sydney’s girlfriend or being known as leaving hickeys on Sydney already. She unconsciously reaches out for Sydney to sit against her, leaving Jack in a disappointed lurch. 

He doesn’t look disappointed at all. He looks elated by this. “Wow, you two make such a good looking couple,” he praises with a tilt of his head. “Too bad Sydney only swings one way or I’d offer myself to a threesome.” 

Maggie opens her mouth, flabbergasted at the last two minutes. “I’m sorry but what’s going on?” she blurts out because the curiosity is burning a hole in her. 

“If you don’t engage, he will eventually stop talking or go away,” Sydney informs with a roll of her eyes.

Jack feigns offense with a dramatic had on his chest. “Excuse me, Dr. Katz, is that anyway to speak to your boss?” 

“I wasn’t speaking _to_ you,” Sydney clarifies cheekily. 

Jack pouts playfully. 

“You’re her _boss_?” Maggie can’t help but ask. “ _He’s_ your boss?” 

Sydney doesn’t even need to say anything. The look on her face clearly says the situation is unfortunate. Jack just smiles cheek to cheek. Maggie smiles because it’s like watching two siblings interact. 

“I am what you guys would call Chief of Surgery here,” Jack informs. “Whatever goes on with my surgeons, I know it all.”

“Not all of their personal lives though,” Sydney grumbles. “Honestly, did Martha run and tell you immediately or something?” 

“No, as a matter of fact, I was walking by my office when I heard _unusual_ sounds coming from your office, Dr. Katz,” he teases. 

Sydney turns beet red, there’s no turning back. If she turns any redder, Maggie would be concerned about her passing out. Sydney looks at Maggie in alarm, but all Maggie can do is shrug. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Maggie surrenders. “It isn’t my fault.” 

Sydney slaps Maggie’s thigh. “It was definitely your fault.” 

Jack laughs boisterously. While he does, someone’s pager goes off and he checks his only to realize it’s Sydney’s going off. Maggie realizes that she’s also instinctively reaching for hers even though she’s on vacation. 

“Seems like Martha is ready to meet with the patient,” Sydney informs. She gets up and reaches for her white coat once more. She doesn’t leave yet and reaches for Maggie’s hand. 

Maggie takes it in confusion. “Should I head out or do you want me to wait?”

“You don’t have to wait,” Sydney says as she leans up to kiss Maggie’s cheek. Jack’s presence doesn’t bother her much to Maggie’s surprise. “I’m sure you’d rather explore more of London than wait for me to finish surgery.” 

“I can show her around,” Jack offers quickly. There’s a glint in his eyes as he stares between the two women. “I’ve been dying to meet you, Maggie.”

“I suppose a tour wouldn’t hurt, I’d love to see what Sydney loves about Torbin General,” Maggie agrees. She also wouldn’t mind getting to know Sydney from Jack, considering they seem close (as close can be).

Jack stands up, slapping his hands together before rubbing them together mischievously. “You can tell me all the hot gossip about Sydney while she’s in surgery.” 

“There is no hot gossip,” Sydney seriously says to Jack before looking at Maggie. “There is _no_ hot gossip.” 

Maggie suppresses a laugh at how worried Sydney looks. She leans down to kiss Sydney on the cheek in return. “No promises.” Jack cheers at this.

“You’re the worst,” Sydney grumbles. She lets go of Maggie’s hand to look at Jack threateningly. “Take care of her.”

Jack draws a heart over his chest as a promise and winks at Maggie. “You’re in good hands.” 

Maggie gives him a nervous smile. 


	37. xxxvii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack and maggie get to know each other and things start to come together for maggie

Torbin General is larger than Hope Zion. They have a stronger focus on research than Hope Zion does and clearly their funds are evident in the awards plastered down some halls. While Maggie is used to how Hope Zion runs, she can’t help but feel a sense of deja vu as she walks the halls of Torbin General with Jack. The rhythm and atmosphere is very different from the size of wards, the groups of residents, and the patients themselves. Maggie tries to take it all in. 

Jack is quite the character. He is as charming as he is arrogant and as liberated as he is conscientious. While giving Maggie the nickel tour of the hospital, Jack also didn’t seem to mind her shadowing him as he stopped off to read some scans and patient reports. It makes sense that he would be a well respected doctor even though he jokes and jests around Maggie.

“So, tell me,” Jack begins impishly, “what do you love about Sydney?” 

Maggie ignores the way her heart races at the thought of what she loves about Sydney. There is no denying the smile curls at the corner of her lips though. “I’ve been waiting to see how long you’d last without bringing up Sydney,” she deflects with ease. 

Jack wiggles his eyebrows. “You’d be surprised how long I can last.” 

Maggie narrows her eyes playfully. “You do realize I am dating Sydney right? Flirting with me isn’t going to have much effect,” she reminds. 

“Hey, if there’s an opportunity, I try my best to seize it.” He winks at her. Maggie rolls her eyes. He jabs her shoulders amicably. “Come on, now. Tell me about Sydney.” 

“Are you invested in all of your doctors?” 

“To an extent, but Sydney is special to me.” The way he honestly answers throws Maggie for a loop. “There is more than meets the eye with her.” 

Maggie nods in agreement. “She has layers,” she’s even learned recently. “It’s one of _many_ things I love about her.” Jack does a shimmy of approval, wanting her to continue. It’s a little embarrassing to talk about Sydney like this because it’s rare for her to talk about how she feels about Sydney to anyone. “She’s extremely smart. She’s a bit of a nerd. She’s very passionate--I know what you’re going to ask and yes, passionate in all ways.” There’s a light laugh they share and it’s nice. Maggie feels her cheeks hurt from the smiling. “Overall, she’s a great woman and not to mention a great doctor.”

“How did you two meet?” Jack asks curiously.

Maggie stares back at him in confusion. “She’s never told you?” 

Jack thinks back, crossing his arms. “She definitely has not. She worries that you work too much. She thinks it’s strange that you put butter on meat sandwiches. And she’s worried that your cooking skills aren’t improving.” 

Maggie stares indignantly at him. She is getting better at cooking. “I am going to cook for her tonight,” she grumbles. Jack laughs at this before Maggie gets back on track. “I’m surprised she’s never mentioned this but I’m a doctor.” 

“Really? Did you meet in med school or did you do your residency together?” 

“Well, something like that.” Maggie doesn’t know if she should answer or how she should answer before she carefully says, “Sydney was my mentor while she was at Hope Zion.” 

“Really?” Jack exclaims. His eyes widen and mouth drops open in excitement. “Dr. Katz slept with one of her mentees? How scandalous!” Maggie is about to stop him from exclaiming any louder when he adds. “I love it!” 

“I regret telling you now,” Maggie notes aloud. She hopes that Sydney won’t be mad. 

“Oh don’t be,” Jack assures. “Sydney’s always been a little mysterious, so it’s finally nice getting to know her before she started here.” 

“How is Sydney here? She’s changed so much from when I first met her,” Maggie can’t help but be curious. 

“She’s great,” Jack answers easily. “When she started here there was a bit of contention with other staff doctors because of how young she was in comparison, but she’s always willing to learn. And like you said, she’s very passionate so she isn’t afraid to defend her patients.” There’s a bit of pride as he regards Sydney that Maggie is a bit jealous he’s been able to see it. “She’s been a great addition to the team.”

“I hear that a lot from her colleagues,” Maggie agrees, equally proud.

Jack nods before something cross his mind. “You know what? I know that Sydney didn’t mention you were a doctor, which we can totally harass her about later, but I realize that there was an application that came across my desk. Dr. Margaret Lin, Toronto, Ontario.” 

Maggie realizes it also. “Oh my god! Wow, I completely forgot that I applied last year.”

Jack scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Yes, unfortunately Torbin General’s application process is both competitive and time consuming.”

“It’s alright, I completely understand.” 

“Nonsense, it’s rare for me to run into an applicant, how about we swing by my office and we can go over your CV?” 

Maggie is taken aback. “I’m sorry?” 

“There aren’t any positions open in obstetrics but I remember seeing a lot of diversity in your training. I’m sure we can find something you might be interested in.” Jack goes on as if that’s explanation enough. 

“Are we really doing this?” Maggie asks. She feels like she’s stepped into another dimension. “You’re going to look at my CV to help me find a _job_?” 

“Why not?” Jack is serious and nonchalant about this. “We get hundreds of applications and yours stuck out to me. That’s rare in and of itself.” Maggie is still a bit shell shocked as he says this. 

“Not that I don’t appreciate this opportunity,” Maggie starts off very carefully. “I’m just a bit caught off guard. Right now, I have a staff position back in Toronto.”

Jack throws his arm around Maggie’s shoulder and starts guiding her down the halls again. “It doesn’t hurt to keep your options open. Can I interest you in some research projects?” 

Maggie can’t believe this. She hadn’t even remembered sending out that application and here she was, being guided by the Chief of Surgery to look at her CV. She’s sure he’s just being nice but it’s unreal. It takes her a bit to remember that the only reason she applied to Torbin General on the off chance was that she’d be able to run into Sydney again. Now, there’s a _real_ opportunity to actually _be_ _with_ Sydney. 

It’s an exciting and paralyzing prospect but Maggie feels the happiness bubbling to the surface as she follows Jack back to his office. 


	38. xxxviii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you saw maggie a bit jealous now you get some sydney

Sydney comes out of surgery a couple of hours later. No fuss and no complications. For once, Sydney is actually glad for that. Not everyday needs to be an exciting day in surgery. 

When she makes her way back to her office, she sees Jack’s office door open and Maggie comes out. There’s a smile on her face as she reaches out for a handshake but instead Jack pulls her into a warm hug that has her laughing. Sydney knows it’s irrational for her to feel jealous, but she can’t help it. 

She makes her way over to them. 

“Dr. Katz, how was surgery?” Jack instantly says as he lets go of Maggie. 

“It was fine,” Sydney lets out tersely. She slips her arm around Maggie’s waist to pull her in and kiss her on the cheek. “How was your tour?” 

Maggie glances at Sydney's hand around her waist before giving her a questioning look. There’s a knowing smile on her face as she answers, “It was nice. I can see why you wanted to come work here.”

Sydney narrows her eyes at Jack. “And you needed to show her your office?” 

Jack laughs at the look on Sydney’s face before throwing his hands up in surrender. “I wasn’t doing anything inappropriate with your girlfriend, Sydney. Maggie was very clear she wasn’t into me because she’s with you.” 

Sydney rolls her eyes at him. It’s then that she feels Maggie’s arm slip around her waist. Maggie smiles at her. 

“Only eyes for you, _babe_ ,” Maggie chirps out. 

“Ugh, pet names,” Sydney mocks. “I don’t know if I like that one.” 

“We can work on that tonight, _honey_ ,” Maggie returns. 

Sydney shakes her head with a smile on her face. The jealousy slowly dissipates because she has nothing to worry about. It’s taken this long for them to be together. Maggie wouldn’t be that skittish, would she? She looks at Jack though because he hasn’t answered her question.

“We were just having a conversation about her work,” he explains. “You never mentioned she was doctor.” 

“Which is strange because all of your previous colleagues know about me,” Maggie adds on top of that. “ _Am_ I your dirty little secret?”

Sydney turns red. She can feel it all the way up to her ears. “You’re not my dirty little secret,” she protests for the second time today. “I’ve just tried to tone down talking about you to my colleagues.” 

“And yet, I know that Maggie has a tendency to fold her button ups as opposed to hanging them,” Jack points out. Maggie shoots him a surprised look. “She thinks it creates too many wrinkles.”

Maggie raises her eyebrows at Sydney. “You moved on from talking about my _work_ to _complaining_ about my _habits_?” 

Sydney opens her mouth to protest but she can’t really. She looks at Jack and he can’t help her out of this situation. “It’s not like I do it on purpose!” 

Maggie purses her lips at Sydney. “We’re revisiting this tonight.” 

There’s a low buzz and they look at Jack, who’s already pulling out his phone. 

“Well ladies, that is my cue to go,” he announces. As he walks away from them, he looks over his shoulder. “Good luck, Sydney!”

“Why would I need luck?” Sydney responds in confusion. 

Maggie hums beside her. “Because complaining about your _girlfriend’s_ bad habits is a fast pass to the dog house,” she sasses. 

Sydney feels the worry inside of her grow. “I don’t complain about it. I just learn new things about you everytime we talk and it’s just different from how I do things. They’re not _bad_ habits. It’s a way for me to process what kind of person you are and what you like to do. And it’s not like I can turn it off, they’re just things I notice about you that I remember. So I talk about them to process them. Not that I’m obsessed with you. But I think about you often enough and apparently I have a tendency to talk about you---”

Sydney doesn’t realize that through her rambling, Maggie just nods with a cheeky smile on her face that continues to grow the longer she rambles. 

Maggie turns to face Sydney. Part of her is amused by Sydney’s rambling and part of her wants to save her from her misery. She chooses the latter. She swoops in and kisses Sydney.

There’s a little “ _oomf_!” that comes out of Sydney. 

Maggie can’t help but smile. She can never stop smiling around Sydney. Everyday Maggie learns something about Sydney, about how Sydney makes her feel. Everyday is different and new. They’re constantly changing, learning, and growing with each other. She loves everything about what she has with Sydney. She _loves_ Sydney. 

Sydney breaks the kiss, trying to catch her breath. “You have to stop catching me off guard,” she mutters breathlessly. 

Maggie smirks. “Come on,” she slips her hands into Sydney’s. “I’m sure I can find a way to forgive you.” 

“Maggie…” Sydney purrs shyly. 


	39. xxxix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maggie and sydney discuss them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is it you guys; everything starts to come full circle here and it's been a long journey to get here where they can finally lay the cards out on the table - obviously the reservations sydney has with maggie is a bit of canon divergence but still kind of compliant. regardless there is a lot of emotions going on here and when i first wrote this i was exhausted because majority of it turned into dialogue
> 
> im really bad at descriptions so i hope you can bear with me on the dialogue parts obviously still working on sharpening those skills however you have all been faithful readers to me and these ladies so thank you so much; ill have more to say below but without further ado ENJOY!

Maggie cooks when they get back to Sydney’s place. _Just to prove a point._ However, the only point that’s proven is Sydney is a far superior cook compared to Maggie. It’s most likely from the years that Sydney thought that she’d have to make a good wife or maybe it’s easier to have kosher food if she’d just make it. In the end, they spend time making dinner _together_ and Maggie can only revel in the growing domesticity between them.

After dinner, they’re curled up on the couch sipping on tea. Maggie doesn’t know which she likes more, when Sydney curls up against her and tucks herself underneath her chin like a cat, or when Sydney has her arm wrapped around Maggie’s shoulder while she rests her head on her chest. Tonight features the latter and it feels strangely different as Sydney goes on about which of her residents are the most promising.

Maggie usually hates prolonged affection, finding it too suffocating at times. She considers herself to be very independent and when she wants company she knows exactly how to get it. However, with Sydney it’s completely different. She doesn’t get annoyed by Sydney’s presence. She _wants_ Sydney’s company. It doesn’t bother her when Sydney shows her affection, grazing her hand when reaching for something, touching her waist as she walks by, or brushing her hair out of her face. It’s as natural for Sydney to do it as it is for Maggie to welcome it.

As their conversation comes to a lull, Maggie feels a nagging thought coming to the forefront of her mind.

It’s safe to say that _everyone_ knows that they’re in a relationship even if they haven’t quite said it to each other. However after meeting Jack today, Maggie can’t deny that things can change between Sydney and her. More importantly, Maggie wants things to change between them. As terrifying as it is, Maggie knows they are more than just “seeing where this goes.”

“Sydney?” Maggie begins timidly.

“Hmm?”

“What would you think of the research programs at Torbin General?”

“They’re all well funded and well lead by very qualified professionals. There are a lot of areas of focus that people can choose from. Why do you ask?”

Maggie bites her lip and plays with the hem of Sydney’s t-shirt. “When Jack found out I was a doctor, we sat down and talked about my work. He mentioned a couple of research programs that I might be interested in.”

“Oh,” Sydney sounds. She stiffens underneath Maggie.

Maggie sits up to look at Sydney. There’s a contemplative look on her face that she doesn’t know how to take. “Does that bother you?”

Sydney doesn’t answer the question. “Are you interested in any research here?”

Maggie tucks her hair behind her ears sheepishly. “Well, there are a couple but…”

“None of them are related to OB,” Sydney finishes, already knowing. There’s a concerned look on her face while she waits for Maggie to continue.

“Right,” Maggie agrees. “None of them are related to OB. However, there are a couple that I am interested in that are trauma management.”

“Is that something you’d want to do?” Sydney questions carefully.

“It’s something I am interested in,” Maggie answers because that’s the best she can give her without blatantly lying.

Unfortunately, Sydney can tell. She lets out a small sigh. Her back straightens while her hands rub her thighs. “Are you seriously thinking about this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just want to know if you are actually considering doing research at Torbin General.”

Maggie is caught off guard by the sharpness in Sydney’s voice. “Do you not want me to?” She straightens her back defensively as well.

“Not if it’s something _you_ _don’t_ want to do,” Sydney deadpans as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“It’s something I could want to do,” Maggie defends. Sydney lets out a small laugh that makes Maggie angry. “I’m sorry, is this funny to you?”

“A little bit,” Sydney answers lightly. It’s a tone that Maggie’s never heard before. As if she’s making fun of Maggie. “I know that Jack is a very charismatic man, but I think you missed the fact that he oversells things.”

Maggie feels her cheeks get red, both with anger and embarrassment. “Syd, I’m not just an obstetrician. I do a lot of work in the ER, trauma---hell, I still do cardio. There are a lot of areas of focus.”

“I’m not questioning your abilities.”

Maggie crosses her arms. “It sounds like it,” she grumbles. “People can change their specialties. Look at Dana, she’s doing her residency in trauma now.”

“Are you thinking about doing _another_ residency?”

“Would that be a problem?”

“Maggie, why would you even consider this? You are a talented OB, you have publications. You’re already a surgeon and you want to give that up to do research?”

Maggie doesn’t get it. She doesn’t know why Sydney is acting like this. “It’s just a thought. Why are you disparaging these ideas?”

“Because these are life changing decisions,” Sydney pleads for Maggie to see. “If you’d do research here, you’d have to give up your job and move here. If you want to practice here, there’s a chance you might have to recertify. You’d basically have to _start over_. Would you want to spend all that time retraining, relearning everything that you already know?”

Maggie hears all of Sydney’s arguments. They are all valid. They are all very real concerns that she’s had. She should have done a little more research for this. But she answers anyway with, “If I need to, I would do it all again.”

“Why would you do that, Maggie?!” Sydney snaps, standing up angrily.

Maggie stands up in frustration and yells, “Because I want to be with you!”

Sydney freezes. Her eyes widen in shock as she registers Maggie’s words. “I’m sorry?” she lets out in confusion.

Maggie exhales loudly. “I want to be with you, Sydney. I want _us_ to be together.” She waves her hands trying to explain.

Sydney lets out an incredulous sigh. “Maggie...don’t do this.” She cups her forehead in frustration. “Don’t put me in this position.”

“What’re you saying?” Maggie feels her heart clench. “Do you not want me to--”

Sydney picks up her head. “Maggie, _I love you_ ,” she interrupts, “but I can’t let you do this.”

Maggie feels her heart racing but she’s frozen in place. Sydney stares up at her with hurt and sadness in her eyes. _**Why?** _ Sydney turns away from Maggie and walks away.

_**Maggie, I love you.** _

Sydney heads towards the door, opening up the closet door to grab her jacket.

_**But I can’t let you do this.** _

Maggie crosses the room quickly and reaches for Sydney’s wrist, turning her to face Maggie. “ _Why_?” she demands.

“Maggie, I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Sydney responds, her voice shaking. There are tears forming in her eyes.

“Why are you _pushing_ me away?” Maggie demands.

“I just want you to think about all that you’d be giving up.”

Maggie shakes her head. “It is not about what I am giving up Syd. How could you tell me that you love me and push me away like this? All that we’ve been through together? All that we’ve become? You are my mentor, my confidant, my friend, my lover. You are everything that I’ve ever wanted and more.”

“Maggie--”

“ **No**. I’m not done.” Maggie quickly interrupts. The floodgates have opened and Maggie feels clarity in her mind for once. “Everything I’ve done over these years I thought was because I had to prove myself. That if I proved I could be a great doctor then that was the only thing I’d ever need.

You’ve changed my life, Sydney. You made me want something more than I thought I could ever want, something I was always too afraid to have. You’ve made me understand what love is. I _love_ you, Sydney. And I would give _everything_ up to be with you.”

Maggie feels her lungs fill with air again. There’s no heaviness in her chest when the silence falls between them. There’s a sense of euphoria because Maggie finally _feels_ happy.

Sydney looks up at her with wide eyes. Maggie stares back, waiting patiently for her to say something. She thinks about Maggie when they first met. She thinks about Maggie when they first kissed. She thinks about Maggie and all the time they were able to share in that one year together. She thinks about that email she gets from Maggie when she first got to London.

She remembers that moment where she sees Maggie’s name in her inbox. The longing that tugged in her chest as she stared at Maggie’s name told her everything.

Maggie’s changed everything in her life. Without Maggie, she wouldn’t be who she is today. How could she ever forget the woman that made such an impact on her life? Why keep running away from the woman she desperately wanted to be with?

All that time running away from what she really wanted and it’d finally caught up to her. Sydney didn’t want to run anymore. She hated the longing she felt for Maggie, so she responded thinking that even if they couldn’t be together, they could at least be _something_.

They could be more. They were meant to be _more_.

_It’s all Sydney’s ever wanted._

Sydney always thought about the _what ifs_? The confounding factors. The odds that were stacked against them. The distance between them. The lives they led. They were living in two different worlds. But she couldn’t denied everything they shared over the years. Their relationship blossomed despite every reservation that Sydney had. It wasn’t possible for them to be in two different worlds when they were constantly coming into orbit with each other.

Taking all of those what ifs, confounding factors, odds---taking every fear Sydney had away and all she was left with was Maggie. And it’s all she’s ever wanted: _Maggie_.

“I’d do the same,” Sydney breathes out. The weight in her chest dissipates quickly. She reaches up to push Maggie’s hair behind her ear and leaves her hand to cup Maggie’s cheek. “I love you and I’d give everything up to be with you.”

There’s a small smile on Maggie’s face. It’s infectious and Sydney can’t help but smile either. Sydney finally knows why Maggie smiles whenever they kiss now. The warmth in her chest spreads throughout her whole body and she steps closer towards Maggie, tilting her head up for a kiss. Maggie meets her halfway, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her in.

Maggie Lin _finally_ feels on top of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you think you're crying of joy? im crying of everything-joy, sadness-this has been one of the biggest projects ive done in the last 5 years to completion which is a feat in and of itself
> 
> i honestly have held on to this series much longer than i thought i would because it's been done...there was supposed to be an epilogue but i have so many other projects now - if i ever do have time ill come circling back to this however there are a few ideas i've been sitting on for this ship and obviously it's rare to get a prompt but if you wanna drop and idea you'd like to see me write, i can give it a look see and come up with something when i have time 
> 
> i really did want to finish this so i can focus on other projects as well and maybe finally get to this ship's high school au ive had in the back of my mind since thanksgiving
> 
> thank you so much for reading and leave a comment or two and come bother me whenever! 
> 
> [also i know this has been a slow posting long project HOWEVER if you do have a chance to read it from beginning to end you'll kind of see where everything falls into place and where i reference stuff in older chapters if you havent already]

**Author's Note:**

> for those who don't know me you can find me on at nocteverbascio.tumblr.com


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